Friday, 12 December 2008

Top 5 Music Lovelies

1. Turnin' Heads - Dem Franchise Boys Ft Lloyd
2. Tom's Diner - Suzanne Vega
3. Lions, Tigers and Bears - Jazmine Sullivan
4. Decale Gwada - Jessy Matador
5. Serge Vegas Ft Teknikal & Trios - Jolene/Bad Girl

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Boggled Mind

I think I hurt someebody yesterday, he'll probably be reading this sha, well, all I gotta say is hmmmmmmmm, no means no jare. *fluttering eyelashes*

Been doing some serious crammin' lately, shit's been hurting my brain hard but I guess that's just what you've got to do if you want the golden grades, I cannot flop this.

So my dad wants us to organise our christmas, as in, us, the kids. I'm the oldest so I will be the one handling the money (hope he doesn't give me a budget). So basically I am to prepare everything that will happen on that day, excluding the cooking of course, that's all I'm saying o! Decorations, food etc, plus family will be coming over as usual. I just better be getting the present I requested for, hehehehe.

Two friends and I were having one girly 'chit chat' yesterday about boys, yeah how cliche. They were going on about 'who the fock do these guys think they are' and so on and so forth, how this one and that one focked them up and how they're so confused and 'why why why?!'.

One talking about her ex-ex who she apparently has no feelings for whatsoever (took her a year to get over him) were talking and told her of some small small girls that he 'used' and 'dumped', the unfortunate thing is that during him and the girls' time together he focked them, he was their first etc, they were so depressed etc etc (you know how the story goes), infact sha, one of them told him that he MUST stay with her as he had taken her virginity, he then went away to friends and told them where they 'laughed their asses off', oh dear.

My friend is too smart to fall for such bullshit and I thank God she didn't. Another one, he is giving out mixed signals, as in one minute he is professing his love for her, another time he is blanking her etc etc. I just sat there shaking my head, for shame o, I can never fall for such crap, I learn from other people's mistakes, not my own, they told me 'I'm lucky I've never experienced of that shit before' and so it shall continue that way! Mstewww!

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

College Link Up

50 Colleges
50 Students From Each College
2500 Students
Secret Location
Drugs, Sex and Alcohol (Hahahahaha)
Dress To Impress
Invite Only

I have been invited, should I go or shouldn't I? That is the question.

So there is this party that takes place every year at the end of the year where horny youths (excluding me off course) get together for a kind of 'link up', nobody actually knows where the location is, on the night, you go to a specific place where you are picked up by a bus and taken to the 'secret location', I think it's better that way as I know many people will want to gatecrash, they probably will but there are gonna have to put a lot of time and effort into finding this place and actually getting there, I wouldn't put it past them.

Only 50 students from each college can go (oh please, am sure if I go I will be seeing grown men there, students ko) and there is a list, it may be to do with students but no teachers are involved o, don't get it twisted. Anyways sha, one friend of mine is the one that was to create a list for my college and I found out that I am in it. Sounds exciting but dangerous at the same time, I'll give it a think sha.

Wednesday, 3 December 2008

Jos Madness

Senselessness now currently taking place in Jos, innocnet lives lost, homes destroyed and for what? The level of violence is atrocious, I just pray for comfort over the many people who have lost their loved ones in the pointless riot. Nigeria, Nigeria, why do we do this to ourselves?

Sectarian violence has flared before in Jos, where the Muslim and Christian communities live in close proximity. Street fighting there in 2001 killed hundreds of people.

The latest violence began early Friday after local elections in which the mainly Christian People's Democratic Party defeated the predominantly Muslim All Nigeria People's Party.

Office-holders in Nigeria often control the awarding of government jobs and contracts, making such positions highly contested.

Plateau state lies in Nigeria's "middle belt" region that separates the country's predominantly Muslim north from the mainly Christian south.

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

Why I Hate You

My mood has been spoilt. Already? Are you actually kidding me? Annoying librarian, I don't only dislike her, I hate her. Spewing her usual drabble as soon as I entered to do some work, conclusion jumping as usual, if one person talks, everybody else was talking, 'obviously', talk about ignorance, how about we get the facts before we start the blaming? She is the perfect example of a professional stirer of shit, obviously she gets her kicks from it, everybody has their hobby's I guess.

So I thought, I'm not taking this crap today, bullshit, so I talked back, like, I actually gave it to her, sarcasm is my forteit, gotta love it. No adult likes to be made to look stupid, especially by a little girl who is like a hundred years younger than you.

I got kicked out along with a few other people and she took my name but I don't really care, besides, when she asked for my name, I said it, I didn't write it and I doubt she'll be able to remember my 'Nigerianized' name, must have sounded like Arabic to her.

Monday, 1 December 2008

Jealous Partner Part 8

The rest of part 7 is in this but I can't be bothered to seperate it so I guess we'll just call this part 8, enjoy and ignore the numerous mistakes which I am too lazy to correct, hehehehe :P

‘Won’t you put on your gen?’ Funke asked, she did not really like being in the dark, plus she hated not being able to see properly, still resting on Yinka, his strong toned arms wrapped around her, she tapped his knee, ‘Yinka, on your gen na’.

He was reluctant, ‘Why baby?’ he replied, ‘Or are you scared?’, ‘Scared ko’ she answered, tugging at his trousers, she pushed her back towards him even more causing her yansh to collide with his crotch. Suddenly, she felt a slight jab at her back, something had sprung, a hard jab, ‘cheii’ she thought, she knew exactly what it was but pretended as though she was totally oblivious, Yinka gripped her waist and pulled her in further to him making sure that her yansh was totally pressed on his lap. ‘Baby...’ he whispered, she knew what he wanted, she would definitely not give in this time, haba.

She could still feel the jab, ‘What’s that?’ she asked, the act was too obvious, Yinka knew his babe too well, ‘As if you don’t know’ he hissed, ‘Mi o mo (I don’t know)’ she faked, ‘Ehn? Really?’, Yinka gripped even tighter onto her waist, ‘ Ok o, let me show you’, she jumped up from his lap, promptly, ‘Show me wetin?’, walking in the opposite direction, she could not see a thing and kept on bumping into things, ‘Hah, Yinka, on your gen na’, her leg struck something hard causing her to fall on her knees, groaning and rubbing her legs to lessen the pain, she scrambled up swiftly to her feet, dusting herself off, all the while, Yinka was staring at her, shaking his head, ‘Funk, you are too clumsy’, laughing like a mad man, he was up on his feet now, being used to the dark and the settings of his house, Yinka was able to maneuver his way easily towards her, slowly, his long arms stretched in the air, ‘Stop trying to change the subject Funke’, ‘Subject of what?’ she asked, eyebrows now raised, a baffled look on her face, she stared at the floor, ‘Don’t start that again, abeg’ he was getting irritated with her constant pretending, he had his needs for goodness sake.

All of a sudden, her pocket began to vibrate, it was her phone, Yinka raised his eyebrows, ‘Who would be calling you at such a time?’, she ignored his question and picked up her phone, glanced at the callers ID and answered the call. ‘Hello? Ah Tosin, ba wo ni?’, a huge smile planted on her face, ‘Ah good, what can I do for you?’ she continued, ‘Ehen’, she looked up, Yinka was stood in front of her, staring hard and desperately trying to hear the caller’s voice so as to figure out it was the voice of a male or female, obviously not too happy with the sudden interruption, his face was sour and Funke was too busy chatting and giggling away to notice, turning away from him to face the wall , she fiddled with her hair and continued on with her chat on the phone, ‘Ok dear, no problem’, the conversation was finished, she locked off the phone and turned back towards him.

Without giving her time to even breathe, let alone put the phone away, he blasted her with questions, ‘Tani e?(Who was that?)’ he asked, his arms folded, ‘Oh, my friend’ she answered, ‘What does he want?’, she was amused, ‘How do you know it was a he?’, her voice went high pitched, ‘Ok, was it a boy or a girl?’, twitching her nose, she replied him, ‘Guy’, he shot back, ‘I know na’, he sounded annoyed, Funke did not like his tone at all, ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’, she squinted her eyes, tilting her head slightly, he ignored her question.

‘Does he know you have a boyfriend?’, he was really getting on her nerves now, jealousy was written all over his face, but why? She was used to his childish moods but it did not mean that she would take it, plus it was very hard to ignore, what had she done this time for goodness sake? She shrugged and walked on, she could not be bothered to have another argument tonight, especially one that was so pointless, plus she was tired, Yinka had really spoilt her mood, she needed some sleep. Still walking away from him, she headed towards the guest room, her phone rang again. Yinka was furious, watching her as she walked away he followed after her, straight into the bedroom.

Friday, 28 November 2008

Jealous Partner Part 7 Snippet

This is not the full version o, just a snippet! Forgive me for any mistakes, I rushed it!

Yinka drew his long arms out around her in a warm embrace and pulled her closer towards his chest, “Omo kekere” he whisphered into her ears, Funke stuck her tongue out at him, into the air, “You see” he laughed, “Only babies do that” he gave a loud hiss and pinched her nose. “I’m not a baby jare” Funke hissed back and punched his leg, Yinka, burst out laughing, “Was that supposed to hurt?” He carried on laughing “Chei, baby mii, you’re so weak”.

She punched him again, this attempt was harder, or so she thought, her attempt only caused him to laugh even more, swiftly, Funke lifted up her arms, her fists clenched ready to blow him again, she was not fast enough as by the time her fists had swung only half way towards his knee, he had caught both arms and held onto her, twisting her arms back, she screeched, “YE! Fimisile jor! (Leave me please!)”

He was still laughing, “Jor! (Please!)” she pleaded, finally he let go, “So weak, ah ah”, both hands on his head, he shook his head in disappointment and tutted, whispering to himself, “So I will be marrying a baby?”, “Marrying tani? (Marrying who?)” she replied, “Iwo of course (You of course)”, “E mi? Who told you that I am marrying you? (Me? Who told you that I am marrying you?)” she pulled one crazy face, she was only joking of course but she just wanted to see his reaction, “I told myself, abi do you have a choice”, he yanked her bottom lip and twisted it gently.

“Of course I have a choice” she sat up abruptly to face him, “No you don’t” he grinned, he may have sounded like he was joking but he was damn serious and she knew it, she could not help but worry sometimes, as normal as any girl she enjoyed the attention, but too much of anything is not good, Yinka loved her she knew for sure but she always thought that he loved her a little too much, or was that even possible?

Friday, 21 November 2008

Oya, Kumole!

The school variety night is nearing, some friends and I are representing Africana with a dance.

The dance must be hot o, as in every part of my body must ache.

Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Nigeria, World's Safest Economy

A major boost was given to Nigeria’s quest for foreign investment inflow at the weekend as the country was named the least vulnerable economy in the world, according to a report, Global Economics, compiled by a team of experts from Merrill Lynch.

Merrill Lynch is one of the world’s leading financial management and advisory companies, providing financial advice and investment banking services.

More can be read here.

Now this is the sort of news we want to hear, not news of foolish villagers accusing their children of witchcraft. Naija, I hail you o.

Funny enough, I actually went to one Meryll Lynch seminar, not too long ago, free food and drink, even alcohol sha, but I just stuck with my coke, that was enough to satisfy me.

Here I am with Mishal Husain, Pinky Lilani OBE, The Rt Hon Tessa Jowell MP, Princess Zahra Aga Khan and a few students from my business/economics class.

Click the thumbnail for a clearer view.

Saturday, 15 November 2008

Are You More Faithful Than A Monkey?

I was discussing with one lecturer of mine and the topic turned to talks of testicles (His idea, not mine). So anyway sha, he told me that apparently, chimpanzees, gorillas and human’s testicle sizes are the size that they are for a reason and that basically, out of all three species, chimpanzees are the most promiscuous, human's follow behind and gorillas are the last.

SCIENTISTS claim to have discovered the reason that men’s testicles are the size that they are: it’s all to do with the infidelity of our female ancestors.

A study of the evolution of sperm has revealed that the average human female does anything but stand by her man: like many other primates, she is not at all averse to promiscuity if she can get away with it.
Research by a team at the University of Chicago, led by Bruce Lahn, suggests that men are more prone to stray than women, but the notion that human females long for nothing but a stable, monogamous relationship with Mr Right is wrong.

The study, published today in the journal Nature Genetics, examined the evolution of male sperm among 12 species of primate, including human beings. Sperm is useful for the investigation of a species’ sexual practices in the distant past, as its characteristics are largely determined by mating patterns.

In promiscuous species, such as chimpanzees, competition for mating privileges does not end with sex: once inside a partner’s body, sperm must often battle those of a rival to be the one that fertilises the egg. In order to maximise their chances of fatherhood, male chimpanzees have evolved huge testicles and sperm counts for their body size.
Among gorillas, however, females mate only with a dominant male, who collects a harem that will not entertain the idea of sex with a rival until he has beaten the alpha male in a fight. In this polygynous system, a male can be virtually certain that no one else has copulated with his partners — and thus gorillas’ testicles are tiny.

Human testicles are somewhere in between, suggesting that while women are nothing like as promiscuous as female chimps, neither are they as faithful as the female gorilla.

It is likely that our female ancestors cheated on their spouses often enough to leave men with room for doubt about their paternity.

“In species with promiscuous females, there’s more selective pressure for the male to make his semen competitive,” Dr Lahn said. “It’s similar to the pressures of a competitive market place, [where] competitors have to constantly change their products to give them an edge over their rivals — whereas, in a monopoly, there’s no incentive to change.”
Making more sperm is not the only way of boosting a male’s chances of fertilising an egg. If his partner might be cheating on him, he can improve his prospects by producing sticky semen that coagulates in the vagina, creating a “chastity belt” that stops rival sperm from getting past and his own sperm from leaking out. The theory suggests that the more promiscuous the species, the stickier the semen. It seems that human beings have a similar viscosity of semen to orangutans.
Source: Here

Ehen, so do you agree with this theory or not?

Waiting for your answers.

Thursday, 13 November 2008

Sweetie Pie Pie!

THIS IS MY SOOONG! Although it's in one Ghanaian language and I don't know what the hell they are saying.

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

The Greedy Girl (Hausa Folk Tale)

Once there was a greedy girl. She would eat anything. She would eat cows, dogs - she would even eat the earth from under your feet. One day, her parents decided that they had had enough ;'Go away', they said. 'You are too greedy. We don't want you anymore.'

The girl went to see her best friend. 'My parents have told me to go away. Come with me.' 'OK,' said her best friend, and off they went. They walked along the road, out into the forest. At a bend in the road, they met seven dogs, jumping at them and barking. The greedy girl eat them. Then she went into the jungle. When she came back, she could no longer speak. All she could do was bark. Like a dog.

The two girls walked on. They came to a river ; on the other side of the river was a city. They crossed the river and entered the town. The king saw them coming. "Ah," he said, "that is a very beautiful girl. I must marry her." So he did. His Prime Minister married the girl's friend.

The king was very pleased with his new wife, but he wished she could speak instead of barking like a dog. He called all the witch-doctors of the kingdom, but none of them could do anything to help. So then he decreed that all the women of the kingdom would come one morning to the city square, and there they would pound millets together until the sky shook. At this, the greedy girl's friend went to find her. "Come with me," she said. They went back upon the road that they had arrived on, back over the river and into the jungle, until they came to the bend where the girl had eaten the dogs. "Follow me," said the friend, and they went into the jungle, far into the jungle, until they came to hut.

An old woman lived in the hut. When she saw the greedy girl, she took a big stick, and told her to offer her back. Then she beat the girl. "Whap" went the stick, and one of the dogs jumped out of the girl's mouth. "Whap" went the stick again, and another dog jumped out. The old woman hit her seven times with the stick, and seven times a dog jumped out of her mouth. After that, she could speak again.

The two girls went back to the city. They arrived just as the women were gathering in the square. "I must be quick", said the greedy girl, and ran to her room. There she put on her most beautiful jewels. When she emerged from the palace into the square, the sun said "Oh - you are so beautiful! Shall I hide my face?" "Don't be stupid", said the girl. "If you do that, noone will see me. Stay where you are." So the sun stayed. The earth said "Oh - you are so beautiful. Shall I move away from beneath your feet?" "Don't be stupid," said the girl. "If you do that, I shall not be able to walk down to the king. Stay where you are." So the earth stayed.

The king saw his young wife walking towards him, and he was astounded by her beauty. "Oh," he said, "you are so beautiful. I will make you my first wife." "Hmmm," said the girl. "Where there are many, the one will be envied." "You're right," said the king. So he had all his other wives' heads cut off, and he and the girl lived happily ever after.

Tuesday, 11 November 2008


Ok people, so this is like my first time of writing a 'sexified' story, though it is not much, abeg, don't laugh at my 'lack of knowledge' on the art giving blowjobs, they never taught it to us at school.


Dedicated to the lovely talesandtallies.

Funke was now kneeling on the floor, shoulders hunched and her soft round yansh resting on her calves as she watched him unbuckle his belt, she had given him a blowjob a couple of times before, it was basically a substitute for the many times she had refused him sex, no big deal, at least it was not intercourse.

As soon as he was done with his belt, his trousers were next, pulling them down to his ankles, he parted his long bare legs and began to fiddle with his boxers, not taken them off but pulling the top part down giving his dick enough space to let loose. It sprung up immediately, like a yoyo it bounced around, so full of life, or cum. Yinka caught a hold of it and noticed that his babe’s eyes were glued to it, literally, “Oti fe suck abi?(You want to suck isn’t it)” he laughed at her.

Her breathing became heavier, her lips slowly parting unknowingly, her eyes still fixated on the wonderful big cock. She was salivating, tongue withering within her mouth like a worm, she took a hard bite at her bottom lip, eyes still intense and hands shaking like a leaf in the wind. Yinka watched as she displayed this act, he could not help but chuckle. Funke was so focused on his dick that she did not hear him laugh, he was enjoying the ‘show’ sha, he liked the way she had bitten her lip, her silk black hair was in a mess and he could see the outline of her perky big boobs within her top, material clinging her breasts and buttons holding on for dear life. Her nipples were poking through the material, sprung out like bullets, a sign that she was horny, her nipples always hardened like that when she was ‘in the mood’.

Stinkingly flithy thoughts now ran through his mind like athletes, his dick was even harder now, he stretched out his arms to pull her frail body closer, running his fingers through her hair. Abruptly, Funke snapped out of her whole ecstasy faze, shaking her head she turned her gaze away from his penis, she was embarrassed. “Hmm…I don’t really feel like it” she whispered whilst crawling backwards on her knees, trying to stretch out her top so as to create air for her breasts to breathe.

It was a big lie, who was she trying to deceive? Really and truly her body was aching her, the human body is a funny machine, physically, she could not wait to pounce on his dick, in her current horny state that is, she just wanted to see how far she could stretch him, especially in his current state, a very naughty girl she was. She was still crawling back, though she had not gotten far before he had grabbed onto her arms and hauled her back, the grip he had on her was rather tight causing her to shake her arms about to relieve herself of the small pains. “Tell that to the birds” he replied, again stretching his arms out and aiming for her nipples, just one touch caused electric sparks to dart through her body, her panties now soaking wet, she rubbed her thighs together.

Funke lifted her hands and grabbed onto his dick, catching Yinka by surprise, he gave a big grin, mischievous. Rubbing his cock up and down with the palms of her hands she now bent her head to lick the head of his penis. Her hands were now folded around it, stroking gently causing the foreskin on his rod to slide, she licked it again, tongue wrapped around the head like a snake, or a lollipop, whichever.

Opening her mouth wider, with the help of Yinka’s hand, her head was bent even further so as to allow easier access into her mouth, salivating on his pole, she tightened the grip on it with her lips, though not even half way she sucked on it hastily like a pro. Releasing her left hand from its position, she played with his balls, gently, her head bobbing up and down on his dick like a doll’s, her sucking noises were loud. At present, Yinka’s head was bent back, his eyes shut tight trying to savor the sweet moment, he let out a few groans but only quietly.

He brought his head back up in order to look at his babe, watching the top of her head as it bounced up and down, gently he pushed her head down even lower, he knew she would not be able to take all of him but the more the better. Again, he started fiddling with her hair, his right hand stroking the back of her neck causing her to moan as she sucked him off. “Urghh..…I’m gonna cum baby” Yinka groaned at her, moments later, "Shit...", Funke was not at all excited at the thought of his cum floating in her mouth, plus she had heard from a few friends that it wasn’t exactly the tastiest thing, immediately, she withdrew from his cock, watching him spew himself all over the floor, “Thank God it isn’t carpet” she thought to herself, he was still groaning, finally he stopped, giving her a huge smile and a peck on the forehead, “Baby, you were great” he said, she smiled back at him. “Oya, now it’s your turn”, he was grinning, “My turn for what?” she was confused, “You know na”, he was till grinning, she really didn’t.

“Come baby”, he pulled her to the couch, “I wan chop your toto”, “My what!?” she screamed, this was not the first time he had offered to give her head, he had always said that most girls would beg for it so why was she complaining, well, she was not ‘most girls’ and again, she refused. “Haba baby mii, you will like it na", he started playing with her shorts, impatiently, undoing the buttons, Funke slapped his hands off, “Chop ko” she hissed, “If you are hungry, go and get food from the kitchen”, she was serious, her nose in the air as she crossed her arms like a toddler. Yinka burst out laughing, “Don’t worry jare”, he was still laughing, “One day, I go chop dat your pussy well, naughty girl”.

Randomania And Facebook Fraudsters

No classes tommorow, happy days! Or, happy day, so I can just chill with my baby. Parents have been pissing me off, sometimes they just don't know when to stop sigh.

Going 'laser quest' on saturday for a friend's birthday celebration, we get to shoot eachother in a blackout dark place with laser guns, sweet, it'll be just like paintball, only less painful, ouch. We're going at night, I think, guys vs the 'chics', should be interesting.

You people have really motivated me to carry on with my 'Jealous Partner' story, at first, it was just something to do whilst I was bored, but now, you got me writing up part 6 during one of my lectures, I'm a disgrace, lol, so, who do you prefer? Yinka or Funke? So fun mi o!

Part 6 will be out soon, dedicated to the lovely talesandtallies, mwah.

Lmao, picture of the day, I'm sure a good majority of you can relate with this pic, abi? Stop lying jor.

Reading my newspaper today, came across an article talking about fraud on facebook, as soon as I saw it, the country 'Nigeria' popped into my had, low and behold, after reading a few lines on, guess which country's name I saw? Was not relly suprised to be honest, infact, in a way, I almsot expected such a thing to happen. Naija, you are just not serious, oma se o.

Just a snippet of the article.
Fraudsters send messages to the compromised user's friends claiming they are in trouble overseas and asking them for cash.

Online security experts have warned that cyber criminals are using more sophisticated methods – including social networks – as web users wise up to traditional email frauds.

The latest scam came to light after Karina Wells received a Facebook message from one of her friends saying he was stranded in Lagos, Nigeria, and needed $500 for a ticket home.

You can read the rest here.

Monday, 10 November 2008


Ehen my peoples my peoples, forgive me for any typos, mistakes etc, could not be bothered to read it through hehehehe.

Oga Danny, this one is for you o.

She could sense the mixed feelings of anger and disappointment coming from him, after the few minutes of lying on top of her, eventually he gave in and climbed off of her, grumbling to himself, his penis still rock hard and geared up for action, but obviously he would not be getting ‘any’ tonight, not that he hardly ever did, how was he coping sha?

Funke had only ever agreed for him to make love to her twice throughout their whole relationship and even those past sessions were a challenge, he could not understand her, she should be begging for more, all his past girlfriends and fuck buddies would sell both arms just for even a taste of what he had to offer, Yinka was not a bragger but when it came to the arts of womanology and sex, he was a pro, A++ student for that matter, he knew how to make a woman feel good and would always leave them begging for more, where did this Funke of a girl come from? ‘Chai’ he would often utter to himself, ‘Mo gbe o! This girl wants to kill me…’.

It was not that Funke did not enjoy Yinka’s touch, infact, she loved it, it was just that she had always promised to herself that she would not lose her virginity until she was married, she had vowed to herself. But then Yinka came along and she lost total control, she fell hard. She did not want to make out that those two nights with him were mistakes, although in a way they were, she would always cherish what they did together, but she was trying to ‘renew’ her vow and she really needed her man to understand that.

Funke was still seated on the couch, she had neatened herself up and started to chew her bottom lip gently whilst staring at the floor, trying her best to avoid eye contact with Yinka, waiting for his outburst. He was standing in front of her, both hands on his head, his broad shoulders stretched, he knew she was trying to avoid looking at him, “You this girl ehn”, gently, he nudged her foot with his own, laughing slightly. She was surprised, is that all he was going to say? She breathed a sigh of relief, fiddling with her hair she continued on with her lip chewing. “Ok so baby mii, what are we going to do about Yinka jr over here?”,It took her about 10 seconds to realize what he was talking about, one confused look plastered on her face until she finally realized.

“Urm…urm..” she stuttered, she could not help but take a glance at his crotch, was he carrying a snake in there or what? D’banj’s ‘Anaconda’ suddenly started playing in her head causing her to giggle. Her man had been heavily blessed with one big…..she stopped herself and giggled even more, “see yeye thoughts occupying my mind” she thought. “Can’t you just leave it like that?” she replied, he gave her one of his numerous dirty looks, “Kilon soro? (What did you say?)” he replied back, bending his head down to get closer to her, he had heard her perfectly o, he just wanted her to dare to repeat what she had just said, craze girl.

Again, she spoke, “I said can’t you just leave it like that?”, “And I say you must be out of your mind”, her eyes widened at his comment, “What do you mean?” she asked him. Lifting his head back up, he stretched his long arms into the air and cracked his knuckles, “Ah ahn Yinka na” she bellowed at him, “Stop doing that with your hands, you know it causes arthritis”, he did it again, this time on purpose, “Who told you that myth?”, he was amused at her ignorance and began laughing to himself, “Myth ke? A friend of mine told me”, she sounded so sure of herself, it made him laugh even more, “Bullshit” replied Yinka, “Bull kini?” funke asked.

Yinka ignored her question, walked over to the couch and sat next to her, his long strong arms on her shoulders, he began rubbing his nose on her cheek, “Ehen baby, so like I said, wetin you wan do so that my JT is satisfied?”, she fiddled with her shorts, trying to pretend as though she had not heard his question, he smirked, “How about a blowjob?” he asked, swiftly, she turned her head so that she was facing him, shocked, “Eh ehn don’t give me that look jare, since you no wan gree for me to make love to you a blowjob isn’t too bad, abeg, body no be wood, after you don lead me on sef”, “Hmmmm” she hummed, still facing him, “Hmmm kini?” he asked, “Madam tease, oya, sha se kia (hurry up)”, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her up effortlessly as if she was just a stick, he positioned her on the ground and unbuckled his belt.

Music Is My Hot Hot Sex

Sold my old Ipod, it is broken and the guarantee stuff has run out but a friend insisted on buying it, why? I don't know and to be honest, I don't really care, money is money jare.

So I want to get a new one, AGAIN, sigh, I had the old ipod classic 30Gb and now I want the ipod classic 80gb, black version, hopefully by the end of this month, until then I guess I will just have to stick to listening to my phone.

Anyways sha, here are my top ten songs for the moment, whether they are old or new.

1. I know - Jay Z

2. She got a donk - Soulja Boy (Cracks me up)

3. Mrs officer - Lil Wayne Ft Bobby Valentino

4. Be the one - The Ting Tings

5. Stuntin' like my daddy - Lil wayne ft Birdman

6. Daga albashi - Zainab Idris and Sani Danja

7. Idi nla - Da Grin Ft Lala

8. Oh no - Mos Def

9. Logiligi - Mzbel

10. Tingele - Tinny

Sunday, 9 November 2008


Urrggh, ok here's part 4 of my story, enjoy.

Yinka’s hands continued to maneuver their way through her silk hair, at the same time, he planted soft kisses on the nape of her neck, she was quivering, eyes shut tight. From her neck he turned to her lips, Funke’s breathing became heavy, he began to nibble gently on her bottom lip, gentle suddenly turned to rough as he directed her back to towards the couch, his whole body on top, covering every inch of her, she was like an ant compared to him.

For about 10 minutes they lay there playing a passionate game of tongue wrestling, Yinka was obviously more experienced as his tongue seemed to be doing most of the work, his hands now cupping her soft and tender breasts, squeezing and caressing them, Funke gave a loud groan as he directed his fingers to her nipples, gently pulling and rotating, her eyes were still closed shut and she was still breathing heavily, obviously in a world of ecstasy, she gave a loud moan.

Yinka’s eyes were fully wide open, he grinned at the sounds she was making, he only wished that he could see her facial expressions, just that nepa don take light and he really could not be assed to go and switch the generator on, he loved to please his babe, really, he did. After playing with her breasts, his focus was now on her shirt, he started to pull at it roughly, not even bothering to undo the buttons, impatiently ripped it open, he was like an animal, though not too violent, he really needed to release himself, he had been horny all day and Funke did not seem to be helping it at all, it seemed as though literally anything she did would turn him on, he really needed to make love to his babe and bad.

Funke could feel him tugging at her clothes, he had managed to remove her top, exposing her full breasts which were half hanging out of her bra, he now turned to her shorts, tearing impatiently at them like a savage and still ignoring the fact that buttons were put there for a reason, she began to squirm underneath him. She did not mind the smooching and caressing but she certainly did not want it to go too far, as in, the main thing. “Yinka…”, she let out a slight whisper, it was as if he could not hear her, “Yinka…”, again she whispered but only this time a bit louder, yet again, no reply from her man, he was too focused on eating her body whole, literally. “YINKA!” she bellowed, “Ehen ehen, what is it baby?” he replied, “Please Yinka, I don’t want to”, she gave a worried expression whilst saying this, “You don’t want to kini”?, It was either he was pretending not to understand, or he really did not understand, Funke knew he understood o. She spoke again, “You know na, I don’t want to have sex”, she turned her head as to avoid facing him, preparing for his reaction, she held her breath.

He thought that maybe he was dreaming, maybe he had not heard her properly, he was bursting, literally felt like he could explode and his babe was telling him this rubbish. He was still on top of her, staring deeply at her face just to see if she was joking, he hoped that she was joking o, “Omo, you better be joking” he thought to himself, “Abi, kilode!?”.

“Baby mi, kilode na? Am I hurting you”? he asked her, he looked confused, speechless and pissed off. “No no no, you’re not hurting me…”, “Then what is it!?” he did not even allow her to finish her sentence, “I just don’t want to…”, he was speechless, “Which kain yeye reason be dat?” he thought to himself, he gave a loud hiss and spoke firmly, “Look Funke, if you don’t give me a better excuse than that crap you just gave me I swear to God I’m not getting off of you”, he was fuming, she hated being threatened “Yinka! I’m not joking o, what do you mean you won’t get off I said I want to stop! Or do you want to rape me!?” she spat back, she continued to squirm underneath him, his full body weight was crushing her own and she was unable to move freely, he was aware of this but ignored her movements and comment, “Yinka, ejor na!” she continued on with her pleading.

Saturday, 8 November 2008


My friend's boyfriend locked her in his house.

He actually locked her in his house! As in put the latch on the door and physically prevented her from leaving his house, pushed her, held her etc and you know some guys are too strong for their own good (apparently, this one was not even the first time), oh my goody goody gosh, as much as I found it kind of funny when she told me (sorry o), this is very serious, I was aware that they had been having a lot of arguments etc etc the usual, but this one, haba.

The guy lives on his own, quite far away from her own house. He would always expect her to do the travelling from her house to his, wouldn't even meet her halfway and when she refused, he would start to get all angry on her and start on with his many complaints.

She actually told him to his face that he was a pshycho, the guy went completely bonkers on her, oma se o.

She has dumped his sorry ass, good riddens to bad rubbish.

Just hope that he doesn't do anything too crazy, met him once when we had finished with our major exams, she brought him along during our 'celebration', he seemed nice, hmmm, well I guess they all do at first.

Friday, 7 November 2008

Se Le Soro Yoruba?

I'm a sucker for a dude who can speak Yoruba FLUENTLY, too me, it's the most sweetest language that exists, speak it and I'll love you forvever and forever and forever!

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Am I A Fool?

I was called a fool for my willingless to keep my virginity until marriage. Yes people, as much as I do kind of blab on about sex related things and make 'dirty comments' on my blog, my honeypot is still intact.

Fool ko, apparently virginity is 'overrated' and 'times have changed', ok and so? I'm not doing it for anyone but myself, not that still being a virgin is anything really special to be honest, just that some people are in such a rush to lose it and when they come across someone who believes in keeping it, they assume that religion is the main reason and that you are only doing it because you want to be seen as the 'good girl' etc, that's not always true jare *big smile*

I am not a fool, abeg lmao.


Like I said before, don't crucify me for all the typos and mistakes o! Abeg!

The drive to his house was silent, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of the wind blowing in the atmosphere as well as the occsasional sound of car horns. There was not as much traffic as usual, Yinka was very pleased about this. “Baby mi, se wa ok?(My baby, are you ok?), Why are you so quiet?” he asked, still driving the car, he was worried about his girl. She was exhausted, sleepy and slumped in her seat. Funke turned her head to him and nodded softly, giving a slight smile.

He could see that she was almost sleeping, “Se o fe sun?” (Do you want to sleep?) he asked, “You better not sleep o”, he gave a wide smile which showed his deep dimples, cute, she thought to herself, he was a bit too attentive on her, not keeping his eyes on the road, “Yinka na! Keep your eyes on the road jor, abi you want to kill us!?” Her eyes were wide open now, he burst out laughing, “Ehhn, don’t you want to die with me?” Eyes still not 100% focused on the road like it should have been. “Yinka! Ejor!” she was no longer slumped in her seat, smacking her man and bellowing for him to “Stop all this rubbish!”

He stopped eventually but still continued laughing, he sounded crazy she thought, he was crazy. Funke slumped back into her original position on the seat, Yinka turned on the radio, the song ‘Ololufe’ began playing, “This song is for you baby mi” he smiled at her, she looked back at him and blew him a faint kiss, her mood had suddenly lifted and she no longer felt angry at him anymore. She continued to stare as he sang the song, her guy was fine o, too fine and she could not control the way her body reacted to him, to his smile, his touch, even though she always tried to hide it. “You too like to form” he would always say to her, the last thing she wanted was for him to know the affect he had on her, but he knew, she knew he knew, ‘damn you these human emotions’ she would often joke with herself.

He loved to play with her, make her lose total control, it was like a hobby to him, he knew how to use his charm well, a real Casanova. But he only had eyes for one girl, Funke Idris, Funke baby, his baby, the girl was beautiful, just that she was too stubborn, way too stubborn, “Don’t worry jare” he thought, “You have met you match”.

Finally, they arrived at Yinka’s house, he lived alone and often tried to get Funke to move in with him but she would always refuse and give him the most flimsy excuses he thought. He currently had a good job, nice house and constantly tried to drum into her head the fact that he would take care of her so why not move in? His words seemed to be falling on dead ears as she refused to budge, stubborn girl, “Iwolomo” (You’re on your own) he would say.

Funke was still in university, 19 years of age and a law student. Yinka was 5 years older than her, a graduate, specialising in Economics, he had had his fair share of fun during his time in Uni and knew exactly what students could and would get up to, one of the many many reasons he was so protective over her, he was like a hawk, Funke just thought it was an obsession. They had planned to get married but were waiting for Funke to graduate, well, Yinka was, he wanted to get married to her immediately, she had said that she wanted to get a good job first, settle down, Yinka was just too impatient and as much as e would always call her stubborn, he was even worse.

As soon as they entered the house, Yinka would not keep his hands to himself, she freed herself from his grip stood up from the couch. “Nisuru Yinka, Nisuru!” (Take it easy Yinka, Take it easy) Funke cried. “Baby mi, I am dying here, haba” he replied, “Come, see what you are doing to me”, Her eyes fell down to his crotch, it was like a mountain “Nawa o” she laughed, “Don’t blame me for this abeg, what have I done?” she carried on giggling.

“See baby, if you know what is good for you, you better just come here and finish off what you started” he sounded dead serious, “Oya”, he stood up swiftly and began to kiss her neck, gripping her small waist, his 6’3 stature hovering over her own stature of 5’8, gently gripping her small frame he began to grope her breasts. As much as she tried to fight it, Funke was loving every minute of this, she tried to resist a little but he knew she only forming and without much effort, pulled her back, her head laid on his hard chest, he began to stroke her hair.

Tuesday, 4 November 2008


Please abeg, don't crucify me for the typos and mistakes o, I was rushing.

“Hiding ke?” Funke had had enough, without a second thought, she grabbed unto her bag and proceeded to stomp out of the car, it was just a shame that Yinka was a step ahead of her, as usual. He knew his girl all too well, as if he could read her mind, Yinka rapidly locked every door in the car, just with the flick of a button. “You are not going anywhere”, his voice was calm, he sounded serious, he was serious, serious and mad. Funke gave a loud groan and sulked in her seat.

“Now, why are you always trying to avoid answering your phone around me? Kilode!?” Funke kept silent and stared out into the street, she could not believe that Yinka was acting like this, she had already told him many times without number, again and again that she was not avoiding anything and that she did not even know what he was constantly on about, this guy was just too paranoid.

“So you can’t talk abi?” Yinka cut into her thoughts, again, she kept silent, she really could not be bothered to answer him, what was the point? Same routine, all the time, she would tell him that she was not up to anything, he just loved to accuse her of the silliest things, gosh he could be so annoying. Yinka was getting really pissed off with her silence, “Funke! Funke!” he bellowed in her ear, he was mad furious and still waiting for her reply.

Finally, she spoke, “I want to go home”, “You must be bloody joking” he replied, “Look Yinka, if you don’t wanna take me home, let me go and I will fine my way on my own, haba!” she was so frustrated, but what was she thinking? It was too dark to be trailing around on her own, what if she was kidnapped, or even worse, raped for that matter? “No jare, I’ll take you I’ll take you" he moaned "But you will come and stay at my house, ok?" “Your house ke”? she asked, a troubled tone to her voice, she began to fiddle with her skirt. “Or will your roommates be missing you that much?” he asked, she did not want to say no because she knew he would start getting moody again, but still. She was speechless.

“But, but...” Funke began to stutter, “No buts!” Yinka interrupted her, “I just want to spend the night with my girl, or is that a crime baby mi?” he sounded like a child, “Or do you have any plans?” his tone of voice changed rapidly, he sounded jealous, bitter. He knew full well that she did not have any plans but still waited to hear her excuses for not being able to come with him, she could not think of any, damn. There were no lectures for her to attend tomorrow and he knew it. Why had she told him? She felt like slapping herself. Yinka stared at her whilst she was deep in thought and gave a big grin, “This girl will not kill me o, Olorun ma je”, he started the engine.

Monday, 3 November 2008


I was bored people, it's not much and I kinda rushed it but still.

“You are full of so much shit Funke, do you know that?” barked Yinka, it was very unlike him to shout but Funke had stretched him well past his limit, he could not take it anymore, the constant refusing to pick up her phone whenever he was around and whenever she did, she was so hesitant about it. He had also seen her around with this guy a few times, but she would constantly say that there was nothing going on between them, they were only ‘friends’, abeg, tell that to the birds he thought, abi was he born yesterday?

“Ah, well thank you very much Yinka” answered Funke, as usual her reply reeked of sarcasm, she hated it when her boyfriend, got all moody on her, he did it so frequently that it had become an insanely irritating habit to her, why was this guy so paranoid? Can’t a guy and a girl just be friends? She thought, not even noticing that she was actually voicing her thoughts, silently, but not silently enough as he had managed to hear what she was whispering and even lip read as he watched her intensely. “No they cannot” he replied bitterly, hands on the wheel although he was not actually driving, the car engine was not even on and they were parked in one Mr Bigg's car park.

His tone of voice suddenly changed, he was like a desperate child “Look Funke baby, why are you doing this to me?” Funke was confused, totally puzzled at what he was saying, “What are you talking about? Doing kini?” she replied. “Will you stop acting as if you don’t know what I am talking about! Haba”, Funke was baffled, “Ah ahn, what have I done this time?” she cried. Her question infuriated him even more, one thing about his girl that really pissed him off was when she played dumb and now was not the time or the place “Funke, I can’t stand it when I see you with those other boys, you never pick your phone when we are together and it seems as if you are hiding something from me”.

Everything was silent, for about 10 seconds until Funke suddenly burst out with laughter, “Oh my…” but before she could finish the sentence, he had already interrupted, “THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, ah ahn, why don’t you ever take me seriously?”, she continued on with her giggles, “Which boys are you talking about?” she managed to get out whilst still laughing like a maniac, “Oh you mean Femi? He is just my classmate” she had finally stopped laughing, “I don’t know why you are too je…” Yinka had cut her off again, “Jealous abi?, why won’t I be jealous, when my girl is busy playing ashewo games with other men”.

It was now Funke’s turn to be angry, how dare he call her a prostitute!? If anything, she was the complete opposite and Yinka knew that, she really could not understand where this attitude of his was coming from, she was fed up. “Look Yinka, I don’t appreciate you calling me names, you are obviously angry about something so please calm down first, maybe we can talk about it later”, “Later ke? Why can’t we talk now? What are you hiding”?

Saturday, 1 November 2008


Ahurum gi naya!
Mo ni ife re!
Ina son ki!

The person know's who they are o.

Hugs, kisses, licks and focks!!!! (personal joke people)

dot dot dot dot

So the job interview went well, I think, I hope. Hmmph. I did a great job at sucking up too, a GREAT job. The manager was so lovely and sweet.

When I got there, I saw a few girls from my school, did not know that I was actually up against one of them because she was also having an interview, though she's in the lower year.

I must crush her dammnit, I must.

The manager said that I will find out by next week if I got the job that she will call me, If I didn't, a 'regret' letter will be sent home, Olorun ma je again and again.

Wednesday, 29 October 2008

Can I See Your Vagina Please?

Ever been through that stage where you were just a little kid, say 6/7 and your parents had to go somewhere for a while but could not find someone to 'babysit' you at home therefore dump you at your cousins' house who are boys. Older boys that seem to like to taunt you and have friends who often come over and also like to taunt you.

Bunch of mofo's. I used to hate going there when I was little but my cries seemed to constantly fall on dead ears as my parents would constantly drop me there whenever they had to go somewhere 'important'.

These cousins are two in number, one of them is older than me by 3 years and the other 5. As much as I love them now, back in the days they were real dickheads. There was this particular day, they had gotten this book box toy thing that you could lock, we'll call them F and J, their friend was also there on that day so we'll call him Y, anyways sha F, J and Y thought that it would be funny to lock poor me in the toy box and roll it around, haba, see sadism, I can't even remember if I cried or not but I remember I was scared to shits.

They let me out eventually but all the rumbling and tumbling had caused my small head to rattle and shake, I was sooo dizzy.

What else did they do? Plenty more o, but the one that really stands out is the day it was only 4 of us alone at their house. It was night time and we were all watching a movie and suddenly Y asks me to do him a favor.

He asks me to please allow him to see my vagina, he even had the cheek to bring out a torch light so that he could 'see clearly', I even had to rub my ears to make sure that I had heard the request properly, to hell with you jare! I may have been small but I was not stupid, vagina ko va-china ni, then F and J joined in with the pestering and begging to see my punani and that it would only be between them and I.

What was even running through my mind then? Small girl like me. How I wish I had replied them with a good slap, GBOSA, that would have done the trick, but you know how boys come be sometimes, when you say no, there hear yes. Anyways sha I refused them and I remeber them being angry with me, mr good heads, fock you jare.

One thing I knew about them, they loved their porn, ewww ewww and ewww. Though whenever they were indulging in their acts I would cover my eyes like a good girl. There was this one day where we were all sitting in the sittingroom at night, aunty was with us thank God, so we are all watching TV and then suddenly one kind of porn flick came on, aunty was shouting that they should 'change the channel o change the channel!', na so oga sly F now went and hid the remote control so that it would take long to change it, then they started to look for the remote, well 'pretend' because they knew full well where it was.

F's eyes were glued to the TV, all I remember was a long hand stretching out from nowhere and slapping his head hard, it was a hot and heavy slap, LMAO buahahahahaha, foolish boy. Aunty now got fed up and just went and switched the TV off completely, oloshious boys, God will help them.

Tuesday, 28 October 2008



Do You Know How to Answer The Phone?

Do you know how to answer the phone properly? Or even call people properly? No seriously it is actually very important. You don't have to be so skillful at it (not that there are any awards) but it is good to have basic knowledge of how to answer and call in a courteous manner. You and your voice can make the difference and I'm not even talking about when your are in your office etc, home matters also.

I say this because there is this friend of one of my sisters, lovely girl but the way she calls our house is atrocious. She will not even give her name, say hello let alone ask for the person she wants to talk to, the girl will just dive into the conversation and so loudly as well, haba!

What happened sha? Yes, it was the friday that has just gone past, my mum had just heard of the death of her eldest brother so there was kind of silence in the house for some time and we were all sitting in the dining room together, so silent that you would be able to hear a pin drop. Then suddenly, the phone rings and I think my sister (we'll call her B) picked up the phone and accidently pressed loudspeaker, all we heard from the other end was someone shouting 'OMG B! B! YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED, THAT BOY IS SUCH A...' and then my sister took style to turn the loud speaker off quick time! No hello, no good evening, no 'please may I speak to..' just blasted away like a mad man, my God. This has happened plenty times o, I just laugh, can you just imagiinne.

Monday, 27 October 2008

Ladies, Would You Toast A Guy?

Yeah, would you? Do you have the guts to actually walk up to a guy, show him that you are interested, ask him out, ask him to be your boyfriend etc? I guess it all depends on how confident you are about yourself, how confident you think there's going to be a positive answer, How ‘hot’ the dude is and whether rejection is a big deal to you. I think I should answer my own question also, well, my answer to this is NO bloody way.

Yeah, I’m an old school dame, I believe that guys should do the asking, the toasting, the signaling etc just my opinion, plus, I hear that they enjoy the ‘chase’ so why not give them something to chase? Knowing myself, even if I was ‘dying’ for this guy and he failed to show any sign of interest, I would rather die than make the first move and if at the end of the day, nothing ‘became’ of the both of us due to our failings in showing interest or making a move, then so be it, too bad for me I guess.

I’m probably coming across as being too proud abi? Is that what it is? Pride? Hmmmmm. This is not even about being shy either, even if I was the most outgoing un-shy person on the face of the planet, I can tell you now that I still would not do the toasting, you see, in my book of love, that is a definite no-no!

Another thing I will refuse to do is tell a guy that I love him first, even if I love him like crazy or even if I am definite that it is likely to be reciprocated, I will wait for his own confession and then start blasting away with my own. I have learnt that o, not from my own experience, but from my observations of others, not saying that is an abomonation o, it is just my preference.

A friend of mine, I was chilling at his house and he was telling me of how one girl was really making hard moves on him, calling him all the time, infact, during my discussion with him, the girl called him, what a coincidence. If I tell you the ways in which he would mock her and play with her, meehn, you will cry for the poor girl, I told him he was mean, he just shrugged and laughed, continued to string her along. I'm not saying all guys are like this, I would not want to generalize, just giving an example.

Like I said, as for me ehn...NO bloody way.

I would rather shave my head, every last strand, no be short cut where you can use style make jerry curl ati shapeup for your head, I mean straight up balding shine shine.


Sunday, 26 October 2008

Tampon Dilemma

My family had gone to Holland for a week, I did not want to go so I stayed back. I was not allowed to stay home alone because we were currently having our house refurbished and there were men in the house so I just stayed at a friend's house.

So one day In the week I was over there we got to talking, usual girl talk, weird talk etc. The topic suddenly turned to talks of sanitary pads and tampons, we both said that we had never used a tampon before and started giggling.

Funny enough she had a box of unused tampons on her desk and we were both like hmmm, how about we try it out, no big deal, but on our own of course. So we each skipped to the bathroom to try it out, seperately of course.

I spent about 5 minutes trying to fit it in (it was hurting o) but the thing no wan gree enter well for my honeypot, my yum yum abi punani, same for her apparently, nawa o, how people suppose use this kain thing? Yes and the thing is small o, very small!


Just A Small Girl

So one day I must have gone to the hairdressers to fix my hair, what time did I get there and I was leaving the place so late, ah well, atleast my hair was looking nice. What time was it sha? It was like 10.30pm/11.00pm so it was dark, how old was I? Like 13 and the place was far from home o, would have to take like 3 buses.

So I called my dad to come and pick me up, he tells me I should come home on my own that abi I have money to get on the bus, come home on my own ke? Do you know what time it is? And if I wanted to go out with friends and planned to come home at such a time he would have started with his 'ah ahn you are too young to be out so late' talk. Hissss, abeg spare me that.

Gosh I was so mad, but what could I have done? So I got on the bus, bus takes me to my next destination where I need to wait for another bus, yaawwn. Anyway sha I was just standing and waiting when I see one guy with another group of guys, they looked around 24,25 and they were passing things to each other, probably drugs I thought and I just stared like omg, like my eyes we glued on them literally, baaad habit of mine. One of the guys noticed me staring and was like:

Guy: Hey babe, are you ok?

Me: (Thinking babe ke, can't you see I'm 13 nawa o) I'm ok thanx (Currently looking at my feet and shaking)

Guy: (Starts to laugh) You're looking nice, where are you going?

Me: (Still shaking) Urm urm, I'm going home

Guy: (Still laughing) Why are you shaking? Are you scared?

Me: (Scared and stuttering, still looking at shoes) No no no, I'm not scared...

Guy: (Still laughing and staring) So you want to come to the pub with me, have a few drinks, hang out?

Me: (Thinking PUB KE? Chineke) Urmm no no no s'ok..

Guy: Why not?

Me: Urmmm...because..because...

Bus finally comes, phew!

Me: Sorry sorry sorry I have to go!

I ran onto the bus so fast, am safe am safe!

I left the guy standing there, did not even wait for his reply, abeg what did he want with a 13 year old.

Friday, 24 October 2008

Hausa Gospel

Translation of what he is basically saying, 'Lord I Give You My Heart' 'Lord I Hand Over To You All My Problems'.

Na Ba Ka

Great Song.

Thursday, 23 October 2008

Review Days And Facebook Sackings

So I had academic review day yesterday, basically a look at how I have been doing academically(duh!) over the past term. To be honest, I wasn't expecting anything too good neither too bad. My appointment with my form tutor was at 2.35pm so I just had to sit and wait. First off, picked up my attainment sheet for the term, scanning through my grades, wow, A's and B's and then I get to economics, D!? Is this a joke or what!? No damn way did I get a D in economics, I was actually fuming, to me, a C is not even good enough and you're telling me I got a D!? So I marched around looking for my economics teacher, hands swinging like crazy as if I be soldier. I finally find him and ask him about his reasons for giving me a D, you know that kind of 'omg I am so angry right now I could scream' look, yeaaaah, that's the one, I had that plastered all over my face like a masquerade.

Turns out it was a 'mistake' and that he was actually meant to write an A and all this other crap, the guy even had the nerve to giggle about it, I for some 'strange' reason could not seem to get the joke.

I was like yeah yeah yeah just fix it kia kia because these grades are on the system and my parents have access to it, ok, lol I did not actually say that, I dey crase? I was more like 'Oh that's ok sir, mistakes happen' with one goofy smile on my face. WHAAT!? You need to suck up to these teachers, that's the key, suck them drrrryyyyyy (not like that jare! dirty minded people, kai!) these guys are writing our school refrences, or don't you know?

Another load of crap they tried to throw at my face, claiming that I have been late to school 13 times, for your left mind abi? 13 times ko, I've discussed it with my tutor and the mistake has been fixed but still, these people really need to straighten up, mistakes like these are not funny at all and it really got me pissed off.

Another convict who also won a place on my 'takers of piss' list was my tutor, congrats buddy, here's a handshake. My appointment was at 2.35pm and each review with a student was meant to last 5 minutes maximum, the guy was getting a bit too comfortable and took about 25 whole minutes talking to one girl before me. He went over a few of us irritated students' appointment times as if we didn't have important places to go, I'm a busy woman jare, abeg. Anyways sha, when it was my turn, all I heard were good comments so I was satisfied, now I can glide through my half term worry free.

Moving on swiftly, zoooooooom!

This is old news but I just thought I would blog about it. An art teacher in my school was sacked some time ago due to 'inapropriate pictures' seen on her facebook. What happened was, a few students came across her facebook and saw the photos, these students now took it upon themselves to print these pictures out (color printed o!) and stuck the pictures all around the art block, nawa wa for wa o.

These pictures were seen by other members of staff and I'm sure you know the rest, poor woman got the boot, a hot and fresh one at that, chei. Now you see folks, the moral of the story is that if you are an art teacher, always be nice to your students because eventually they will find your naked facebook pictures and stick them all over your classroom wall.


Have a nice day! *Big Smile*

(Ok I did not actually get to see the pictures so I don't actually know if she was naked or not but it made the moral sound cooler, hehehehe)

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

So so so, it is almost christmas, well, kind of. My church gets really excited when it comes to events etc and they're damn good at it! Variety nights, conventions, youth events etc you name it. So pastor have mentioned one service that people should come up with something to perform on the day, dance, poem, song, play blah blah blah.

I thought it would be fun sha. My dad has been urging me to take part in a presentation and I have just just been forming and pretending that I am not interested, I don't know why sha, I don't like to show my family when I am excited about something, so I just put on one 'yeah yeah yeah' face and shrugged.

No way am I singing (Not that I am so bad), no dancing for me (Even though I love dancing....on my own) so I think I may just take part in a play. One guy a good friend of mine, we'll call him O is always coming up with plays for us so he'll probably come up with another nice one for us to act out. Last play I acted in the church was last year, I played the devil, as in satan, can you imagine! Lol! I played a 'sexy' devil sha, I wore all black, black blouse, black skinny jeans, black shiny hiiiiigh (meehn they were hiigh) heels and I had on some freaky red makeup, red lips, red eyeshadow and my hair was so wild hahahahaha, I remember practicing scary faces in the mirror for like half an hour, when my mum saw me, she was like 'Chineke wetin be this ehn?', leave me jor, am a professional actress *pulling up collar* hehehehe, norring do meh.

Another thing, one big Xmas party is coming up in my school, have not paid the fee yet and the price increases after half term, jeeez.

Ok, so no lessons today, I knew I would only have one in the morning but my teacher is away therefore the lesson is cancelled. Don't want to go straight home so I am waiting for some friends to finish their morning classes so we can do some shopping afterwards, techincally I am now on holiday because there is no school tommorow and neither is there any next week. Greaaaat.

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Lookin' For A Job & Other Things

Your dearest cappuccinebaby is looking for a jooooooob! I'm on a hunt o, I will need my daggers, bow and arch and my gun! Gbosa! Ok, don't mind me, basically job hunting so all I will need is my curriculum vitae, my smart clothes, my mind and my white teeth (for the smile na). I went and applied in one clothes/boutique shop, a body shop and one toy shop so far, nothing big na, just to bring in small cheese and I am not paying for any electricity, gas, housebills blah blah blah, my parents are there for that (big grin), therefore, cappuccinebaby shall be rolling in dough! Singing 'Girl I like the way you roll it, see how you control it, ooooh'. I don't why I am getting excited sha, I have had no calls for an interview yet, but you see, optimism is the key and I applied not long ago, so we shall seee.

I have a real craving for suya at the moment, hummm.

One call and that is all it took, hummmmmm, my heart is skipping fast, you want to know what I'm talking about right? Am not telling jor, boohoo abi? Suck it up abeg lol

Fright night at Thorpe Park on tuesday, should I go or shouldn't I? Though I am not too keen on theme parks, I find them very boring, strange me. This outing will be at night sha, from 10pm till early morning I suspect. Friends are begging me to come, ahhh.

One song I am feeling right now, 'That's the way' by 'Freewindz', just heard it on AIT a few minutes ago, nice tuune, I like am like dat. Another one, 'Na Mekoyo' by 'Oyoyo Family', nice one.

Lazy Son Jailed and Caned

Father took his 20-year old son to an Islamic court in northern Nigeria for idleness, asking that he be sent to prison for refusing to engage in productive activities, state news agency NAN said on Friday.

"He is not listening to words and he is bringing shame to my family. I am tired of his nefarious deeds. Please put this boy in prison so that I can be free," said Sama'ila Tahir, a market trader in the north-eastern town of Bauchi.

Tahir told the court that his son had refused to go to school and he accused him of belonging to a criminal gang.

The court sentenced the son to six months in prison and 30 strokes of the cane - which were immediately administered on the premises - for being disobedient to his parents, NAN said. - Reuters

Source :

Hahahahaha, Oh Lawd. This is definately a wake up call to all lazy folks!

Monday, 20 October 2008

Penises Everywhere!

There has to be a time in your life where you came across an image, ad, video, etc and you were just like, wtf. I came across one magazine with a deodreant ad for 'Right Guard' deodreant, the advert reaked of phallic imagery, sexual wise, as in the deodrant spray was shaped and presented in an awfully similar way to a penis and please don't give me all that 'capuccine, your mind is just dirty' crap, I know what I am talking about. I just had to laugh, or maybe it was not actually done on purpose, could just be a coincidence, you never know.

Here is a different picture, can you spot the phallic imagery in this poster ad, ad poster, warreva, can you? I sure can.

Sunday, 19 October 2008

Need A Car

Really need to get my driver's licence, starting to really dislike public transport. So first my licence and then the car (Daddy will deal with that one o).

Ok, so this shall be my first car

(In my dreams abi? Yeah, thought so too)

Saturday, 18 October 2008

MEME Rules
1. Put Your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle

2. For each question, press the next button to get your


Too Much - Blaise, Sasha, Kemistry and Bouquie

Can't Speak French - Girls Aloud (Hmm, but I can)

Hot Wuk/Fuck - Mr Vegas (Roflmao)

Keep On Keepin' On - Mc Lyte

Tell Me - Bobby Valentino

Sweetest Girl - Wyclef Jean, Akon, Lil Wayne

Odo Nwom - Kofi Nti Ft Ofori Amponsah

Lost - Flukes

WHAT IS 2+2?
African girl - Nayo

Green Light - John Legend

Sweetie - Andy Ft Samini (Aww, so true)

Pop The Glock - Uffie

Eemo Pelebe - Campus Queen Soundtrack

Molejo - Bouqui

Le Fenu So - Ajasa Ft 9ice

Now I Know - Tinny Ft Samini (Hahahahahahahaha)

Photocopy - 9ice

Whine Pon It - Munga (Yesh I loff to 'whine pon it')

Sweetest Taboo - Sade

Omoge - Mike Okri

Can't Help But Wait - Trey Songz

Friday, 17 October 2008

See It's Like This

Having one strange discussion about getting chased by dogs, it just came about randomly. I've been chased by dogs before, not even a dog, dogs. Happened when I was on Holiday in Ibadan when I was like 5 or 6, in the house, they were let loose for some reason and then they entered the house, maybe they were halluccinating and were seeing me to be a pork chop or something because they targeted me like bees on honey, sheet that day was scary.

My other encounters with animals, urrrgh, when I was ten, I went on a school trip to France for a week, went to the beach, playing with sand, thought it would be fun to bury myself in the sand so I did, with the help of others of course. So I was literally body deep in the 'pit', head sticking out of course, I dunno sha, I seemed to be everyone's scapegoat for pranks that week so one friend, we'll call her S, she knows I'm not too fond of animals, I don't know where she got what she got from but she got it, hehehehe.

One giant dead fish like that, horrible looking and scaly like nothing you had seen before. So she's walking and she's walking, coming in my direction, she was far away at first so I did not know what exactly she was holding, seemed like she was holding it by the tail, abi ki le le? Anyways sha, the crase girl is getting closer and I'm busy squintting my eyes like a new born baby, trying to figure out what the hell she has in her hand, GBAM! Na so I don see am well o, she starts running towards me! I did one pokemon move like that, as if I be pikachu abi charmander, flew out of the pit, legs dangling like an octopus and crawled my way to the other end like a mad man, screaming, she started chasing me with the ugly fish, I out ran her jare, that was really a close one, phew! Nothing do me jor. *Dusting Shoulders*

Moving on...

The credit crunch, abi crunch of credit, warreva, economy is not looking good, I'm sure you know that already. Not that it has really affected me personally, well, not yet anyway. Ahhh, things are looking grim in the jobs market, terrible, unemployment is creeping up on people like a ghost, abi unemployment, you be ghost? Two million jobless by Christmas and businesses associated with the housing market, financial services and leisure are the most vulnerable, it is a real shame indeed. Still can't seem to get my head around the whole Lehman Brothers' closure, I was shocked to say the least. Dad says now would be a good time to by shares, though
it could still be a bit of a gamble, gambling can be fun.............


Really wish I was back in highschool, last year to be precise, anybody have a time machine I could borrow?


People people people, the one thing you could really do to piss me off is to spit in front of me, worst place is outside, a rocket of flem mixded with saliva shooting of your mouth is not preeetttyyy, especially in the open, if you wanna do it, do it in your toilet or something, not saying that I don't spit, just that there is a place for everything, abeg take note, urrghhh, focking 'ell meehn.

Missing somebory very much right now, JA, you know who you are. *Currently Blowing Abundant Kisses*

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Stuffs, Stuffs And More Stuffs

What do you do when you find a packet of condoms in your parents’ room? Flavored o *Shivers* Or better yet, if your little brother who is only 8 years old finds it, brings it over to you and asks if it is yours? My friend, se mi lon ba soro?? So ti mugbo yo?? (My friend, Is it me you are talking to?? Are you drunk??) Ahh, maybe he is asking the person behind you, you look back, nope, nobody there. Lo mu kini yen pada, sha se kia! (Go and put that thing back where you found it, fast!) Yes, they are married and it is natural but e jo, baba mii, iya mii, hide your things well na, ah ahn.

The day my brother brought it to my dad, I was in the sitting room with him, as soon as my brother showed it to him, ‘daddy, is this yours’, meehn, I don’t know what came over me, as if it was some kind of reflex, my legs just stretched towards the door, hahahaha, did not get to see my dad’s facial expression and to be honest, I did not want to.

Speaking of condoms, first time I saw one, I was on the bus with some friends, with our small heads, when we saw the condom we got all hyper as if we had just found gold or something , grinning from ear to ear like cats, we must have thought we were so cool back then, pahahaha, how sad. Another time, I was like 13/14, I was in Belgium with a few family friends, we went to one grocery store, the kids. We saw packets of condoms lined up at the front of the shop, again, I must have thought I was one big girl, I took the condom, did not even pay for it and left, touch and follow tactics, get ta know! Then I started playing with it like it was a balloon, one of the boys caught me and asked me for one that he may need it, I gave him one ‘who do you think you are deceiving’ look, oh please, need it for what, he started putting on one act, ‘ahh, my girls and I innit’, ok o, keep telling yourself that, I just laughed. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the packet sha, I remember leaving it in my shorts but I never saw them again after that day.

Ahh, childhood memories, who am I kidding, I’m still a child, a grown up child o, don’t get it twisted hehehehe. The guy I blogged about in my ‘The Crush’ post, quite a few memories with him, the guy is funny sha. When I was like say 6 or something like that, I went to his house in Lagos for holiday, he now took me to one room and we laid on the bed togerra, then he started to give me pecks, but my head was facing away from his, I don’t know if he knew that I knew what he was doing, or if he knew that I was pretending to not know what he was doing, well I was pretending and I just laid there like a rock and carried on watching TV, if I tell him about it now sha, I know he will deny it, silly boy. That same particular day, or night, whatever, I had wet the bed, we were staying in the house next to his in his compound, my family and I that is, when my mum had seen what I had done, she threatened to tell the boy, I remember I cried that day, I think, well I know that I was upset, too much puree warra.

Another encounter with him, we were much older, like maybe 12 or something, the guy is just a few months older than me but he seems to think the age gap is like 10 years, ok o. So I was in my sister’s room and he had followed me there, I can’t remember exactly what I had done to him but he made me lie on the ground and threatened to whip me with one metal hanger if I refused, plus my parents were not in at the time, the guy is crazy o, pure madness, he was like, ‘cappuccine, you know I could force you if I wanted to’, the way I hissed, sorry, are you talking to me? I was like, 'what the fock is this!?' See me see wahala o, so eventually after some minutes of tossling and grabbing, I ended up on the floor and he started to hit me with the hanger, but instead of crying I started to laugh, or maybe it was a mixture of both, don’t get me wrong, I aint one of them BDSM freaks, nah ah! It was just funny at the time, one day, he will receive his own.

I want to get a Christmas job, just a temporary one, I have not worked in ages and I need the cheese, the cheddar, the owo, di carssssh. Gone are the days were I could just skip up to daddy and ask for some money, now he wants me to work for my dough, sweat for the dough, you grab? I’m like, urrrrrgh, ok I know I am just being a lazy ass, ok o, a job it is, I’ve worked before, plenty times, it’s just been a long time since the last time.

I think I am a bit too hooked on this blog thing, blogging almost every single day, 90 posts in two months, even less than that sha and sometimes I will post more than once in a day, tsewwwwwwwww! Don’t worry, sooner or lerra I will become a slacker yo.

Missing my guy, siggggggggggh.

Pickshurr Of Di Day! Take Note Peeps, Taketh Thy Noteth!

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

My form tutor is always complaining that he never sees me in assembly, sigh, I am hoping to bunk mass today actually, it is 5th period so what I will do is line up with my form class, get my tutor to register me and then when they are going it, take to my heels.

Everyone is growing up, whether mentally, physically etc Small boys I used to know I now starting to claim ‘big boy’, especially in their school, it’s funny sha. One particular boy, he is one of my mum’s best friends son’s, so I guess in naija terms we are ‘related’. Anyways sha, he has changed like you can not even imagine, not that I am surprised, it’s just that, it’s like it was only yesterday that I was changing his diapers, hehehehe, exaggeration, the guy is only two years younger than me. So now I guess he is a ‘big boy’, well, he likes to think so, the way he talks, the way he dresses, you name it.

One particular day sha, I did not have the keys to the house and my family were all out somewhere, the guy, we’ll come him E lives very close to me so I thought I would just go there and wait until my family got back. So I’m there and I’m messing with him, his brother and his sister, E is acting very funny, as in ‘too close for comfort’ funny, he kept hugging me and ‘play fighting’ with me, I was like, wetin be this? We were in his dining room near the computer, his brother was on the computer playing music and then E put on one Jamo (Jamaican) song, one dirty Jamo song like that, I thought nothing of it at first, boys will be boys, but then suddenly I felt hands on my waist, he wanted to dance, more like grind, I did one Chinese karate move like that so that he could get the message, ‘what are you doing?’, he just started laughing and carried on, na so i don show am another karate move, this one was Jackie Chan style, the boy no wan free me, file jor!

Finally I escaped his grasp, the guy was laughing like a lunatic, I asked, ‘you no well?’, still the laughter. Then I moved to his garden extension, one small room and sat on the couch, guess who followed me, he started flicking through his phone, showing me his files, asked for my own phone, couldn’t be bothered to bring it out so I lied that I didn’t have it, he was like, awwww, that I should tap my number into his phone, ok o. Then he started being silly again, this boy no well o and then to add to that, he started asking for a peck, I be chicken? Peck for where?

Na so I wan get up, he no wan allow me, file! Ah! He no gree! Kilode tori olun? So I tell him, no, warn, If you don’t free me I will punch you where the sun no dey shine, hahahaha, he still wants a peck, sure i'll peck you, when the Iroko tree falls, nansense. Saw him today sha, asked for money, it’s like an everyday routine for him, see cappucinebaby, ask for money, cappucinebaby dishes out a sarcastic comment, cycle of life.

People are planning one ‘hot’ Christmas party at one well known hall, sounds like fun.

Attack of the green eyed monster, my friend has got the Samsung Tocco phone and I want it, it’s so beautiful, I tried to touch it, the crase girl bit me, kai, to be honest, if I was her, I would have done the same thing, hehehehehe, here's a pic, though it looks muuuuuuuuuuch better in real life.

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

One friend of mine told me that she had dreamt that I tried to kill her, I was like how, when, where and with what, then I started laughing, it was only a dream na, or was it?

Some teachers are sooo damn rude, just now, I was looking for my teacher in order to hand in one assignment, he was not in his classroom, so I checked another different only to see if he was there, being the 'well mannered' girl I am, I knocked first, no answer, knocked again, still no answer, so then I opened the door slightly and peeked only to see about 5 teachers (he was not amongst them) and they weren't even discussing anything important, I was like 'hello, please do you know where Mr R is', well, that's what I wanted to say, I did not even get to finish my sentence as one of them started to do these hand movements as to say 'shooo', he was like 'go away, we are having a discussion', discussion ke, when I am trying to better my education, all I want to do is hand in homework, got me quite annoyed sha, but I didn't let it show as usual, I just gave one fake ass smile, an apology and left the mofos to their yeye gossip, these are grown men o, closed the door and waited, still no sign of Mr R, so then I slipped the work underneath the classroom door, he better see it o because I am not doing it again, rubbbbiiissssh.

Arggh, attack of the librarian again, that woman needs to get laiiid and fast, she no dey get enough noookie so i guess that is why she takes out all her bitterness on us poor students. Imagine this stupid rule they only just introduced recently, college students are not allowed in the library during break and lunch, where are we supposed to do our work then? Senselessness. Though a few of us sly ones manage to sneak in when she isn't looking from time to time, we just run upstairs and if she does come up and tell us to get out, I tell her I am doing important work, I even show it to her, if she no wan hear, na so I don put earphones for my ear always making sure to blast the volume, or does she want to do the work for me? Tseeeeeeeeeeeeew! See me see wahala o!

Monday, 13 October 2008


Sorry o, just had to post about this film, Funke Akindele is a legend!!!!!!!!!!!

Ronke Odusanya, Iyabo Ojo, Ireti Osayemi Odunade Adekola, Eniola Badmus ati Tola Oladokun etc you all also did well o.

Twenty claps for all of you.


Sorry, oussh oucch!

I gats to belong!

Abeg, go and watch the movie and you will know what I am talking about.

One funny yoruba film like that.

Of course you know this film is a naija film na, there must ALWAYS be a part two, still waiting sha, can't wait.

Would You Date A Cultist?

Would you!? Imagine this scenario, you have been dating one particular guy for ages, you love him, he loves you, you adore him, he adores you and then one day, you find out that he is a member of one very well known dangerous and violent cult group/gang, will you dump him? Or allow 'love to prevail'? Me sha, I would dump his ass hard and then run as fast as my legs can carry me, I am not ready to be a target for rival cult groups, plus I have heard acid baths aren't too pleasant, I'm not saying it would be easy, not at all, but there is a difference between love and stupidity. If the guy loves me like he says, he will cancel his membership with that cult group, if he doesn't, well, love may hurt, but so does an axe to the head. Or how about this, you see one fine guy like that, he is everything you want in a man, he is making advances at you and he seems to like you a lot, the feeling is mutual, he is a member of one deadly cult group/gang, you are aware of this and you know how dangerous cultists can be, will you accept his advances or tell the guy to find road and waka for am well, as for me, I value my life o, so I don't think that I will accept his advances, no matter how heart melting and hot it is. I actually started thinking about this after reading one thread on nairaland relating to dating a cultist. Gone were the days when cults/gangs were just a 'fun fraternity' to mess around with the boys and/or girls you know, just have fun and get up to innocent mischeifs with friends etc, now we gats guns, rape and all sorts involved, see life o.

So tell me, would you?

I was talking to one friend of mine sha, he was telling me of a term cultists use, 'If you can't have it, destroy it', meeehn, my eyes rolled like a bowling pin, na by force the girl/guy should date you? I hate people like that, get me sooo annoyed, grrrrrr, no means no, you be God? I don't think so, see yeyesity.

No be only guys that are cultists sha, girls are also taking part.

Got this from an article online
Some of the most popular female secret cults are, Black braziers, Amazons, Jezebels, White pants, just to name a few. A prospective female cultist, according to Okwe (2002) must be a smoker of all brands of cigarettes, she must be able to consume all kinds of alcohol, she must be familiar with and, if possible, possess a pistol or an axe. She must also be rich, bold and have very “big” men friends. To guarantee her acceptance, she must pass the torture test. Being a lesbian is an added advantage. She must also cultivate the habit of wearing jeans

(Okwe 2002). She must possess a wardrobe of weird attires that can make heads turn whenever she passes by.
To the psychologically distressed, secret cults offer succour (Omotunde 1984). The succour is in form of love, affection and some degree of emotional security.
Students who are sought after by secret cults vary in social backgrounds. They might be children of professors, judges, politicians, senior police officers and so on. The status of their parents in society guarantees them some protection from the claws of law enforcement agents in the event that they get into trouble. Initiation naturally follows recruitment

Roflmao @ the lesbian part, is this a joke!?

The initiation process commences immediately after new recruits have been thoroughly screened. The first step in the initiation process is swearing an oath of allegiance and secrecy. As Thomas (2002) has observed, during an initiation ceremony, the eyes of the initiate are expected to be closed while some incantations are recited. New entrants are subjected to thorough beating as a means of toughening them and testing their endurance for pain.

On the initiation day, the new entrants are made to drink some concoctions mixed with blood (Thomas 2002). Sometimes they are given some tough assignments like raping a very popular female student or a female member of the university staff. For the female cultists, their initiation may include being forced to engage in some immoral activities. Brown (1999) has observed that, among the Jezebels and Amazons for example, new entrants may be made to undergo six rounds of rigorous intercourse in quick successions. They may also be made to fight with other girls or strong boys. They may also be subjected to thorough flogging. New entrants are expected to move around in groups of four or five as a means of protecting themselves against possible sexual harassment. During the initiation new members are taught to communicate with other members in coded language. Having been recruited and initiated, cult members are expected to engage in many activities, which form parts of the group norm.

Lord have mercy, so these are the people you want to date abi?

Sunday, 12 October 2008


Me: Good morning Chief
Chief: (Dirty look) What is so good about the morning? (Hiss)
Chief: C'mon, get out of the way jor, nonsense

Buahahahaha, nigerians ehn.

What do you call it when you're totally hooked/obsessed with nollywood movies? Ever heard of anime/manga? You know, those japanese animation cartoons with the big eyes like naruto and death note, people who are obsessed with those call themselves 'anime otaku's' (I used to be one of them sha) but I do not want to use the word otaku, people just use the word to describe themsleves when they don't even know its true meaning.

Otaku is extremely negative in meaning as it is used to refer to someone who stays at home all the time and doesn't have a life (no social life, no love life, etc)

A Japanese word describing a person beyond the realm of fandom but into mania that is improperly used by American fans.

In Japan the word "otaku" has become taboo because of Miyazaki Tsutomu who went on a toddler murdering spree in the 80's, video taping the young girls he had murdered from an obsession with lolicon (female pedophilic manga).

Americans use this term to call themselves "fanboys" or "fangirls" with almost no knowledge of the horrific roots behind the word.

Otaku ko, portharcourt ni.


My sister's friend keeps playing pranks on my house phone, putting on weird accents and such, I actually thought it was one guy that I have been avoiding calling because the voice sounded so much like his, I nearly shit my pants because I was like 'how the fork did he get my landline, sheeeeet' then she started laughing and then I realised it was her, crase girl, abi she wan kill me?

Speaking of pranks, anybody love pranks? I do! Well, when I'm not the victim hehehehehe. There was this game we used to play when we were younger called 'knock down ginger' where you would knock on people's doors and then run, hehehehe and the classic phone pranks, meehhn I was a pro! This one is not really a prank but it's still fun, plus I still do it now, somebody will be standing, sitting doing warreva and then you throw something it their head and then when they look back, put on one verrrry innocent angelic face, bend down or you too also look the other way so as to make them think that it was not you, goooood tiimmmmmes, buahahahahahaha, no mind me jare, am still a kid na hehehehehe!

Saturday, 11 October 2008

Football Is Soooo Booooooring

Well I think so, honestly, a group of sweaty men kicking a ball around, oh how fun. I've tried and tried to like the sport but I just can't. Even today, I tried to sit down with my brother and watch a match but I wasn't fazed, the boy is crazy about it sha, when a goal was made you should have seen and heard the way he screamed, then my sister added one snide comment saying that the goalkeeper was probably paid to allow the ball enter the net, we both burst out laughing, like craaazzzzy laughing and then he got really annoyed and told us to 'SHUT UP!' and got all moody, hahahahaha, nawa for wa o, all because of some crusty ball, wonders they say shall never end. In my whole life, I've only known like 4 men to either not be crazy about the sport or just dislike it as a whole, the rest are obsessed. I dunno sha, I always like it when I know a boy is not too crazy about it, I just start smiling, not because I myself don't like the sport and want him to be like me, but just because I dooo, it's my face, it starts to light up.

You've all heard the term 'pot calling kettle black' abi, my sister don come up with her own term, it was so random, we were having one jokey heated talk and then she came up with 'Chicken calling turkey meat', I just stopped in my tracks and squinted my eyes, 'what!?' she was like 'yeaaaaah that's my new word now, yeah am the first to say it blah blah blah' I was like 'ohh please' that was so lame jor, she no dey serious at all! And the thing is, she will actually keep saying it, I know her well o, crase girl.

Talked to a veeerrrrryyyy good family friend of mine after such a long time, he came online yahoo which he does not usually do, actually miss him, last time I saw him was last year when I stayed at his house in Lagos, hmmmm, gooooood tiiiimmmeeees *stroking chin* the guy is so funny sha, you know those kind of sarcastic people, veerrryyy funny, reminds me of my sister. What did he say that got me cracking up actually?

Me: wo enu e
Me: lool
Him: if i start yoruba wit u, ull hate urself
Me: (Laughing)
Him: olori gbeske
Him: ara galatia
Me: kai big head abi
Me: oloshioussss
Me: elenu gbeske
Me: dan gida
Him: boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Me: hehehehehehe
Me: ******* (His first name, will not display it)
Me: ****** (His last name, will not display it)
Him: ibukuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun
Him: ******(My last name, will not display it)
Me: you know my surname? (Shocked face)
Him: ?
Me: (Big teeth grin)
Him: wat do u think, av known u since u were small
Him: doh i dint put ur middle name sry
Me: u dont kno my middle name
Him: of course i do
Me: nah silly, i didn't ask for urs, i asked for mine (Smiley Face)
Him: u must v 4gotn it was during a family meeting u wer given dat name
Me: nah, ur memory is a bit fuzzy, that was you remember
Me: i was chilling in the kitchen eating ma foooooooood
Him: come on u cant tell me ur dat brain dead?

See hin mouth!!! Hisss!

Sisters and I mucking around, the clip is actually meant to be 3:09 minutes but imeem cut it down to 0:37 seconds so you can't hear our song *sad*, dunno why