Wednesday, 29 October 2008

Can I See Your Vagina Please?

Ever been through that stage where you were just a little kid, say 6/7 and your parents had to go somewhere for a while but could not find someone to 'babysit' you at home therefore dump you at your cousins' house who are boys. Older boys that seem to like to taunt you and have friends who often come over and also like to taunt you.

Bunch of mofo's. I used to hate going there when I was little but my cries seemed to constantly fall on dead ears as my parents would constantly drop me there whenever they had to go somewhere 'important'.

These cousins are two in number, one of them is older than me by 3 years and the other 5. As much as I love them now, back in the days they were real dickheads. There was this particular day, they had gotten this book box toy thing that you could lock, we'll call them F and J, their friend was also there on that day so we'll call him Y, anyways sha F, J and Y thought that it would be funny to lock poor me in the toy box and roll it around, haba, see sadism, I can't even remember if I cried or not but I remember I was scared to shits.

They let me out eventually but all the rumbling and tumbling had caused my small head to rattle and shake, I was sooo dizzy.

What else did they do? Plenty more o, but the one that really stands out is the day it was only 4 of us alone at their house. It was night time and we were all watching a movie and suddenly Y asks me to do him a favor.

He asks me to please allow him to see my vagina, he even had the cheek to bring out a torch light so that he could 'see clearly', I even had to rub my ears to make sure that I had heard the request properly, to hell with you jare! I may have been small but I was not stupid, vagina ko va-china ni, then F and J joined in with the pestering and begging to see my punani and that it would only be between them and I.

What was even running through my mind then? Small girl like me. How I wish I had replied them with a good slap, GBOSA, that would have done the trick, but you know how boys come be sometimes, when you say no, there hear yes. Anyways sha I refused them and I remeber them being angry with me, mr good heads, fock you jare.

One thing I knew about them, they loved their porn, ewww ewww and ewww. Though whenever they were indulging in their acts I would cover my eyes like a good girl. There was this one day where we were all sitting in the sittingroom at night, aunty was with us thank God, so we are all watching TV and then suddenly one kind of porn flick came on, aunty was shouting that they should 'change the channel o change the channel!', na so oga sly F now went and hid the remote control so that it would take long to change it, then they started to look for the remote, well 'pretend' because they knew full well where it was.

F's eyes were glued to the TV, all I remember was a long hand stretching out from nowhere and slapping his head hard, it was a hot and heavy slap, LMAO buahahahahaha, foolish boy. Aunty now got fed up and just went and switched the TV off completely, oloshious boys, God will help them.

Tuesday, 28 October 2008



Do You Know How to Answer The Phone?

Do you know how to answer the phone properly? Or even call people properly? No seriously it is actually very important. You don't have to be so skillful at it (not that there are any awards) but it is good to have basic knowledge of how to answer and call in a courteous manner. You and your voice can make the difference and I'm not even talking about when your are in your office etc, home matters also.

I say this because there is this friend of one of my sisters, lovely girl but the way she calls our house is atrocious. She will not even give her name, say hello let alone ask for the person she wants to talk to, the girl will just dive into the conversation and so loudly as well, haba!

What happened sha? Yes, it was the friday that has just gone past, my mum had just heard of the death of her eldest brother so there was kind of silence in the house for some time and we were all sitting in the dining room together, so silent that you would be able to hear a pin drop. Then suddenly, the phone rings and I think my sister (we'll call her B) picked up the phone and accidently pressed loudspeaker, all we heard from the other end was someone shouting 'OMG B! B! YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED, THAT BOY IS SUCH A...' and then my sister took style to turn the loud speaker off quick time! No hello, no good evening, no 'please may I speak to..' just blasted away like a mad man, my God. This has happened plenty times o, I just laugh, can you just imagiinne.

Monday, 27 October 2008

Ladies, Would You Toast A Guy?

Yeah, would you? Do you have the guts to actually walk up to a guy, show him that you are interested, ask him out, ask him to be your boyfriend etc? I guess it all depends on how confident you are about yourself, how confident you think there's going to be a positive answer, How ‘hot’ the dude is and whether rejection is a big deal to you. I think I should answer my own question also, well, my answer to this is NO bloody way.

Yeah, I’m an old school dame, I believe that guys should do the asking, the toasting, the signaling etc just my opinion, plus, I hear that they enjoy the ‘chase’ so why not give them something to chase? Knowing myself, even if I was ‘dying’ for this guy and he failed to show any sign of interest, I would rather die than make the first move and if at the end of the day, nothing ‘became’ of the both of us due to our failings in showing interest or making a move, then so be it, too bad for me I guess.

I’m probably coming across as being too proud abi? Is that what it is? Pride? Hmmmmm. This is not even about being shy either, even if I was the most outgoing un-shy person on the face of the planet, I can tell you now that I still would not do the toasting, you see, in my book of love, that is a definite no-no!

Another thing I will refuse to do is tell a guy that I love him first, even if I love him like crazy or even if I am definite that it is likely to be reciprocated, I will wait for his own confession and then start blasting away with my own. I have learnt that o, not from my own experience, but from my observations of others, not saying that is an abomonation o, it is just my preference.

A friend of mine, I was chilling at his house and he was telling me of how one girl was really making hard moves on him, calling him all the time, infact, during my discussion with him, the girl called him, what a coincidence. If I tell you the ways in which he would mock her and play with her, meehn, you will cry for the poor girl, I told him he was mean, he just shrugged and laughed, continued to string her along. I'm not saying all guys are like this, I would not want to generalize, just giving an example.

Like I said, as for me ehn...NO bloody way.

I would rather shave my head, every last strand, no be short cut where you can use style make jerry curl ati shapeup for your head, I mean straight up balding shine shine.


Sunday, 26 October 2008

Tampon Dilemma

My family had gone to Holland for a week, I did not want to go so I stayed back. I was not allowed to stay home alone because we were currently having our house refurbished and there were men in the house so I just stayed at a friend's house.

So one day In the week I was over there we got to talking, usual girl talk, weird talk etc. The topic suddenly turned to talks of sanitary pads and tampons, we both said that we had never used a tampon before and started giggling.

Funny enough she had a box of unused tampons on her desk and we were both like hmmm, how about we try it out, no big deal, but on our own of course. So we each skipped to the bathroom to try it out, seperately of course.

I spent about 5 minutes trying to fit it in (it was hurting o) but the thing no wan gree enter well for my honeypot, my yum yum abi punani, same for her apparently, nawa o, how people suppose use this kain thing? Yes and the thing is small o, very small!


Just A Small Girl

So one day I must have gone to the hairdressers to fix my hair, what time did I get there and I was leaving the place so late, ah well, atleast my hair was looking nice. What time was it sha? It was like 10.30pm/11.00pm so it was dark, how old was I? Like 13 and the place was far from home o, would have to take like 3 buses.

So I called my dad to come and pick me up, he tells me I should come home on my own that abi I have money to get on the bus, come home on my own ke? Do you know what time it is? And if I wanted to go out with friends and planned to come home at such a time he would have started with his 'ah ahn you are too young to be out so late' talk. Hissss, abeg spare me that.

Gosh I was so mad, but what could I have done? So I got on the bus, bus takes me to my next destination where I need to wait for another bus, yaawwn. Anyway sha I was just standing and waiting when I see one guy with another group of guys, they looked around 24,25 and they were passing things to each other, probably drugs I thought and I just stared like omg, like my eyes we glued on them literally, baaad habit of mine. One of the guys noticed me staring and was like:

Guy: Hey babe, are you ok?

Me: (Thinking babe ke, can't you see I'm 13 nawa o) I'm ok thanx (Currently looking at my feet and shaking)

Guy: (Starts to laugh) You're looking nice, where are you going?

Me: (Still shaking) Urm urm, I'm going home

Guy: (Still laughing) Why are you shaking? Are you scared?

Me: (Scared and stuttering, still looking at shoes) No no no, I'm not scared...

Guy: (Still laughing and staring) So you want to come to the pub with me, have a few drinks, hang out?

Me: (Thinking PUB KE? Chineke) Urmm no no no s'ok..

Guy: Why not?

Me: Urmmm...because..because...

Bus finally comes, phew!

Me: Sorry sorry sorry I have to go!

I ran onto the bus so fast, am safe am safe!

I left the guy standing there, did not even wait for his reply, abeg what did he want with a 13 year old.

Friday, 24 October 2008

Hausa Gospel

Translation of what he is basically saying, 'Lord I Give You My Heart' 'Lord I Hand Over To You All My Problems'.

Na Ba Ka

Great Song.

Thursday, 23 October 2008

Review Days And Facebook Sackings

So I had academic review day yesterday, basically a look at how I have been doing academically(duh!) over the past term. To be honest, I wasn't expecting anything too good neither too bad. My appointment with my form tutor was at 2.35pm so I just had to sit and wait. First off, picked up my attainment sheet for the term, scanning through my grades, wow, A's and B's and then I get to economics, D!? Is this a joke or what!? No damn way did I get a D in economics, I was actually fuming, to me, a C is not even good enough and you're telling me I got a D!? So I marched around looking for my economics teacher, hands swinging like crazy as if I be soldier. I finally find him and ask him about his reasons for giving me a D, you know that kind of 'omg I am so angry right now I could scream' look, yeaaaah, that's the one, I had that plastered all over my face like a masquerade.

Turns out it was a 'mistake' and that he was actually meant to write an A and all this other crap, the guy even had the nerve to giggle about it, I for some 'strange' reason could not seem to get the joke.

I was like yeah yeah yeah just fix it kia kia because these grades are on the system and my parents have access to it, ok, lol I did not actually say that, I dey crase? I was more like 'Oh that's ok sir, mistakes happen' with one goofy smile on my face. WHAAT!? You need to suck up to these teachers, that's the key, suck them drrrryyyyyy (not like that jare! dirty minded people, kai!) these guys are writing our school refrences, or don't you know?

Another load of crap they tried to throw at my face, claiming that I have been late to school 13 times, for your left mind abi? 13 times ko, I've discussed it with my tutor and the mistake has been fixed but still, these people really need to straighten up, mistakes like these are not funny at all and it really got me pissed off.

Another convict who also won a place on my 'takers of piss' list was my tutor, congrats buddy, here's a handshake. My appointment was at 2.35pm and each review with a student was meant to last 5 minutes maximum, the guy was getting a bit too comfortable and took about 25 whole minutes talking to one girl before me. He went over a few of us irritated students' appointment times as if we didn't have important places to go, I'm a busy woman jare, abeg. Anyways sha, when it was my turn, all I heard were good comments so I was satisfied, now I can glide through my half term worry free.

Moving on swiftly, zoooooooom!

This is old news but I just thought I would blog about it. An art teacher in my school was sacked some time ago due to 'inapropriate pictures' seen on her facebook. What happened was, a few students came across her facebook and saw the photos, these students now took it upon themselves to print these pictures out (color printed o!) and stuck the pictures all around the art block, nawa wa for wa o.

These pictures were seen by other members of staff and I'm sure you know the rest, poor woman got the boot, a hot and fresh one at that, chei. Now you see folks, the moral of the story is that if you are an art teacher, always be nice to your students because eventually they will find your naked facebook pictures and stick them all over your classroom wall.


Have a nice day! *Big Smile*

(Ok I did not actually get to see the pictures so I don't actually know if she was naked or not but it made the moral sound cooler, hehehehe)

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

So so so, it is almost christmas, well, kind of. My church gets really excited when it comes to events etc and they're damn good at it! Variety nights, conventions, youth events etc you name it. So pastor have mentioned one service that people should come up with something to perform on the day, dance, poem, song, play blah blah blah.

I thought it would be fun sha. My dad has been urging me to take part in a presentation and I have just just been forming and pretending that I am not interested, I don't know why sha, I don't like to show my family when I am excited about something, so I just put on one 'yeah yeah yeah' face and shrugged.

No way am I singing (Not that I am so bad), no dancing for me (Even though I love dancing....on my own) so I think I may just take part in a play. One guy a good friend of mine, we'll call him O is always coming up with plays for us so he'll probably come up with another nice one for us to act out. Last play I acted in the church was last year, I played the devil, as in satan, can you imagine! Lol! I played a 'sexy' devil sha, I wore all black, black blouse, black skinny jeans, black shiny hiiiiigh (meehn they were hiigh) heels and I had on some freaky red makeup, red lips, red eyeshadow and my hair was so wild hahahahaha, I remember practicing scary faces in the mirror for like half an hour, when my mum saw me, she was like 'Chineke wetin be this ehn?', leave me jor, am a professional actress *pulling up collar* hehehehe, norring do meh.

Another thing, one big Xmas party is coming up in my school, have not paid the fee yet and the price increases after half term, jeeez.

Ok, so no lessons today, I knew I would only have one in the morning but my teacher is away therefore the lesson is cancelled. Don't want to go straight home so I am waiting for some friends to finish their morning classes so we can do some shopping afterwards, techincally I am now on holiday because there is no school tommorow and neither is there any next week. Greaaaat.

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Lookin' For A Job & Other Things

Your dearest cappuccinebaby is looking for a jooooooob! I'm on a hunt o, I will need my daggers, bow and arch and my gun! Gbosa! Ok, don't mind me, basically job hunting so all I will need is my curriculum vitae, my smart clothes, my mind and my white teeth (for the smile na). I went and applied in one clothes/boutique shop, a body shop and one toy shop so far, nothing big na, just to bring in small cheese and I am not paying for any electricity, gas, housebills blah blah blah, my parents are there for that (big grin), therefore, cappuccinebaby shall be rolling in dough! Singing 'Girl I like the way you roll it, see how you control it, ooooh'. I don't why I am getting excited sha, I have had no calls for an interview yet, but you see, optimism is the key and I applied not long ago, so we shall seee.

I have a real craving for suya at the moment, hummm.

One call and that is all it took, hummmmmm, my heart is skipping fast, you want to know what I'm talking about right? Am not telling jor, boohoo abi? Suck it up abeg lol

Fright night at Thorpe Park on tuesday, should I go or shouldn't I? Though I am not too keen on theme parks, I find them very boring, strange me. This outing will be at night sha, from 10pm till early morning I suspect. Friends are begging me to come, ahhh.

One song I am feeling right now, 'That's the way' by 'Freewindz', just heard it on AIT a few minutes ago, nice tuune, I like am like dat. Another one, 'Na Mekoyo' by 'Oyoyo Family', nice one.

Lazy Son Jailed and Caned

Father took his 20-year old son to an Islamic court in northern Nigeria for idleness, asking that he be sent to prison for refusing to engage in productive activities, state news agency NAN said on Friday.

"He is not listening to words and he is bringing shame to my family. I am tired of his nefarious deeds. Please put this boy in prison so that I can be free," said Sama'ila Tahir, a market trader in the north-eastern town of Bauchi.

Tahir told the court that his son had refused to go to school and he accused him of belonging to a criminal gang.

The court sentenced the son to six months in prison and 30 strokes of the cane - which were immediately administered on the premises - for being disobedient to his parents, NAN said. - Reuters

Source :

Hahahahaha, Oh Lawd. This is definately a wake up call to all lazy folks!

Monday, 20 October 2008

Penises Everywhere!

There has to be a time in your life where you came across an image, ad, video, etc and you were just like, wtf. I came across one magazine with a deodreant ad for 'Right Guard' deodreant, the advert reaked of phallic imagery, sexual wise, as in the deodrant spray was shaped and presented in an awfully similar way to a penis and please don't give me all that 'capuccine, your mind is just dirty' crap, I know what I am talking about. I just had to laugh, or maybe it was not actually done on purpose, could just be a coincidence, you never know.

Here is a different picture, can you spot the phallic imagery in this poster ad, ad poster, warreva, can you? I sure can.

Sunday, 19 October 2008

Need A Car

Really need to get my driver's licence, starting to really dislike public transport. So first my licence and then the car (Daddy will deal with that one o).

Ok, so this shall be my first car

(In my dreams abi? Yeah, thought so too)

Saturday, 18 October 2008

MEME Rules
1. Put Your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle

2. For each question, press the next button to get your


Too Much - Blaise, Sasha, Kemistry and Bouquie

Can't Speak French - Girls Aloud (Hmm, but I can)

Hot Wuk/Fuck - Mr Vegas (Roflmao)

Keep On Keepin' On - Mc Lyte

Tell Me - Bobby Valentino

Sweetest Girl - Wyclef Jean, Akon, Lil Wayne

Odo Nwom - Kofi Nti Ft Ofori Amponsah

Lost - Flukes

WHAT IS 2+2?
African girl - Nayo

Green Light - John Legend

Sweetie - Andy Ft Samini (Aww, so true)

Pop The Glock - Uffie

Eemo Pelebe - Campus Queen Soundtrack

Molejo - Bouqui

Le Fenu So - Ajasa Ft 9ice

Now I Know - Tinny Ft Samini (Hahahahahahahaha)

Photocopy - 9ice

Whine Pon It - Munga (Yesh I loff to 'whine pon it')

Sweetest Taboo - Sade

Omoge - Mike Okri

Can't Help But Wait - Trey Songz

Friday, 17 October 2008

See It's Like This

Having one strange discussion about getting chased by dogs, it just came about randomly. I've been chased by dogs before, not even a dog, dogs. Happened when I was on Holiday in Ibadan when I was like 5 or 6, in the house, they were let loose for some reason and then they entered the house, maybe they were halluccinating and were seeing me to be a pork chop or something because they targeted me like bees on honey, sheet that day was scary.

My other encounters with animals, urrrgh, when I was ten, I went on a school trip to France for a week, went to the beach, playing with sand, thought it would be fun to bury myself in the sand so I did, with the help of others of course. So I was literally body deep in the 'pit', head sticking out of course, I dunno sha, I seemed to be everyone's scapegoat for pranks that week so one friend, we'll call her S, she knows I'm not too fond of animals, I don't know where she got what she got from but she got it, hehehehe.

One giant dead fish like that, horrible looking and scaly like nothing you had seen before. So she's walking and she's walking, coming in my direction, she was far away at first so I did not know what exactly she was holding, seemed like she was holding it by the tail, abi ki le le? Anyways sha, the crase girl is getting closer and I'm busy squintting my eyes like a new born baby, trying to figure out what the hell she has in her hand, GBAM! Na so I don see am well o, she starts running towards me! I did one pokemon move like that, as if I be pikachu abi charmander, flew out of the pit, legs dangling like an octopus and crawled my way to the other end like a mad man, screaming, she started chasing me with the ugly fish, I out ran her jare, that was really a close one, phew! Nothing do me jor. *Dusting Shoulders*

Moving on...

The credit crunch, abi crunch of credit, warreva, economy is not looking good, I'm sure you know that already. Not that it has really affected me personally, well, not yet anyway. Ahhh, things are looking grim in the jobs market, terrible, unemployment is creeping up on people like a ghost, abi unemployment, you be ghost? Two million jobless by Christmas and businesses associated with the housing market, financial services and leisure are the most vulnerable, it is a real shame indeed. Still can't seem to get my head around the whole Lehman Brothers' closure, I was shocked to say the least. Dad says now would be a good time to by shares, though
it could still be a bit of a gamble, gambling can be fun.............


Really wish I was back in highschool, last year to be precise, anybody have a time machine I could borrow?


People people people, the one thing you could really do to piss me off is to spit in front of me, worst place is outside, a rocket of flem mixded with saliva shooting of your mouth is not preeetttyyy, especially in the open, if you wanna do it, do it in your toilet or something, not saying that I don't spit, just that there is a place for everything, abeg take note, urrghhh, focking 'ell meehn.

Missing somebory very much right now, JA, you know who you are. *Currently Blowing Abundant Kisses*

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Stuffs, Stuffs And More Stuffs

What do you do when you find a packet of condoms in your parents’ room? Flavored o *Shivers* Or better yet, if your little brother who is only 8 years old finds it, brings it over to you and asks if it is yours? My friend, se mi lon ba soro?? So ti mugbo yo?? (My friend, Is it me you are talking to?? Are you drunk??) Ahh, maybe he is asking the person behind you, you look back, nope, nobody there. Lo mu kini yen pada, sha se kia! (Go and put that thing back where you found it, fast!) Yes, they are married and it is natural but e jo, baba mii, iya mii, hide your things well na, ah ahn.

The day my brother brought it to my dad, I was in the sitting room with him, as soon as my brother showed it to him, ‘daddy, is this yours’, meehn, I don’t know what came over me, as if it was some kind of reflex, my legs just stretched towards the door, hahahaha, did not get to see my dad’s facial expression and to be honest, I did not want to.

Speaking of condoms, first time I saw one, I was on the bus with some friends, with our small heads, when we saw the condom we got all hyper as if we had just found gold or something , grinning from ear to ear like cats, we must have thought we were so cool back then, pahahaha, how sad. Another time, I was like 13/14, I was in Belgium with a few family friends, we went to one grocery store, the kids. We saw packets of condoms lined up at the front of the shop, again, I must have thought I was one big girl, I took the condom, did not even pay for it and left, touch and follow tactics, get ta know! Then I started playing with it like it was a balloon, one of the boys caught me and asked me for one that he may need it, I gave him one ‘who do you think you are deceiving’ look, oh please, need it for what, he started putting on one act, ‘ahh, my girls and I innit’, ok o, keep telling yourself that, I just laughed. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the packet sha, I remember leaving it in my shorts but I never saw them again after that day.

Ahh, childhood memories, who am I kidding, I’m still a child, a grown up child o, don’t get it twisted hehehehe. The guy I blogged about in my ‘The Crush’ post, quite a few memories with him, the guy is funny sha. When I was like say 6 or something like that, I went to his house in Lagos for holiday, he now took me to one room and we laid on the bed togerra, then he started to give me pecks, but my head was facing away from his, I don’t know if he knew that I knew what he was doing, or if he knew that I was pretending to not know what he was doing, well I was pretending and I just laid there like a rock and carried on watching TV, if I tell him about it now sha, I know he will deny it, silly boy. That same particular day, or night, whatever, I had wet the bed, we were staying in the house next to his in his compound, my family and I that is, when my mum had seen what I had done, she threatened to tell the boy, I remember I cried that day, I think, well I know that I was upset, too much puree warra.

Another encounter with him, we were much older, like maybe 12 or something, the guy is just a few months older than me but he seems to think the age gap is like 10 years, ok o. So I was in my sister’s room and he had followed me there, I can’t remember exactly what I had done to him but he made me lie on the ground and threatened to whip me with one metal hanger if I refused, plus my parents were not in at the time, the guy is crazy o, pure madness, he was like, ‘cappuccine, you know I could force you if I wanted to’, the way I hissed, sorry, are you talking to me? I was like, 'what the fock is this!?' See me see wahala o, so eventually after some minutes of tossling and grabbing, I ended up on the floor and he started to hit me with the hanger, but instead of crying I started to laugh, or maybe it was a mixture of both, don’t get me wrong, I aint one of them BDSM freaks, nah ah! It was just funny at the time, one day, he will receive his own.

I want to get a Christmas job, just a temporary one, I have not worked in ages and I need the cheese, the cheddar, the owo, di carssssh. Gone are the days were I could just skip up to daddy and ask for some money, now he wants me to work for my dough, sweat for the dough, you grab? I’m like, urrrrrgh, ok I know I am just being a lazy ass, ok o, a job it is, I’ve worked before, plenty times, it’s just been a long time since the last time.

I think I am a bit too hooked on this blog thing, blogging almost every single day, 90 posts in two months, even less than that sha and sometimes I will post more than once in a day, tsewwwwwwwww! Don’t worry, sooner or lerra I will become a slacker yo.

Missing my guy, siggggggggggh.

Pickshurr Of Di Day! Take Note Peeps, Taketh Thy Noteth!

Wednesday, 15 October 2008

My form tutor is always complaining that he never sees me in assembly, sigh, I am hoping to bunk mass today actually, it is 5th period so what I will do is line up with my form class, get my tutor to register me and then when they are going it, take to my heels.

Everyone is growing up, whether mentally, physically etc Small boys I used to know I now starting to claim ‘big boy’, especially in their school, it’s funny sha. One particular boy, he is one of my mum’s best friends son’s, so I guess in naija terms we are ‘related’. Anyways sha, he has changed like you can not even imagine, not that I am surprised, it’s just that, it’s like it was only yesterday that I was changing his diapers, hehehehe, exaggeration, the guy is only two years younger than me. So now I guess he is a ‘big boy’, well, he likes to think so, the way he talks, the way he dresses, you name it.

One particular day sha, I did not have the keys to the house and my family were all out somewhere, the guy, we’ll come him E lives very close to me so I thought I would just go there and wait until my family got back. So I’m there and I’m messing with him, his brother and his sister, E is acting very funny, as in ‘too close for comfort’ funny, he kept hugging me and ‘play fighting’ with me, I was like, wetin be this? We were in his dining room near the computer, his brother was on the computer playing music and then E put on one Jamo (Jamaican) song, one dirty Jamo song like that, I thought nothing of it at first, boys will be boys, but then suddenly I felt hands on my waist, he wanted to dance, more like grind, I did one Chinese karate move like that so that he could get the message, ‘what are you doing?’, he just started laughing and carried on, na so i don show am another karate move, this one was Jackie Chan style, the boy no wan free me, file jor!

Finally I escaped his grasp, the guy was laughing like a lunatic, I asked, ‘you no well?’, still the laughter. Then I moved to his garden extension, one small room and sat on the couch, guess who followed me, he started flicking through his phone, showing me his files, asked for my own phone, couldn’t be bothered to bring it out so I lied that I didn’t have it, he was like, awwww, that I should tap my number into his phone, ok o. Then he started being silly again, this boy no well o and then to add to that, he started asking for a peck, I be chicken? Peck for where?

Na so I wan get up, he no wan allow me, file! Ah! He no gree! Kilode tori olun? So I tell him, no, warn, If you don’t free me I will punch you where the sun no dey shine, hahahaha, he still wants a peck, sure i'll peck you, when the Iroko tree falls, nansense. Saw him today sha, asked for money, it’s like an everyday routine for him, see cappucinebaby, ask for money, cappucinebaby dishes out a sarcastic comment, cycle of life.

People are planning one ‘hot’ Christmas party at one well known hall, sounds like fun.

Attack of the green eyed monster, my friend has got the Samsung Tocco phone and I want it, it’s so beautiful, I tried to touch it, the crase girl bit me, kai, to be honest, if I was her, I would have done the same thing, hehehehehe, here's a pic, though it looks muuuuuuuuuuch better in real life.

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

One friend of mine told me that she had dreamt that I tried to kill her, I was like how, when, where and with what, then I started laughing, it was only a dream na, or was it?

Some teachers are sooo damn rude, just now, I was looking for my teacher in order to hand in one assignment, he was not in his classroom, so I checked another different only to see if he was there, being the 'well mannered' girl I am, I knocked first, no answer, knocked again, still no answer, so then I opened the door slightly and peeked only to see about 5 teachers (he was not amongst them) and they weren't even discussing anything important, I was like 'hello, please do you know where Mr R is', well, that's what I wanted to say, I did not even get to finish my sentence as one of them started to do these hand movements as to say 'shooo', he was like 'go away, we are having a discussion', discussion ke, when I am trying to better my education, all I want to do is hand in homework, got me quite annoyed sha, but I didn't let it show as usual, I just gave one fake ass smile, an apology and left the mofos to their yeye gossip, these are grown men o, closed the door and waited, still no sign of Mr R, so then I slipped the work underneath the classroom door, he better see it o because I am not doing it again, rubbbbiiissssh.

Arggh, attack of the librarian again, that woman needs to get laiiid and fast, she no dey get enough noookie so i guess that is why she takes out all her bitterness on us poor students. Imagine this stupid rule they only just introduced recently, college students are not allowed in the library during break and lunch, where are we supposed to do our work then? Senselessness. Though a few of us sly ones manage to sneak in when she isn't looking from time to time, we just run upstairs and if she does come up and tell us to get out, I tell her I am doing important work, I even show it to her, if she no wan hear, na so I don put earphones for my ear always making sure to blast the volume, or does she want to do the work for me? Tseeeeeeeeeeeeew! See me see wahala o!

Monday, 13 October 2008


Sorry o, just had to post about this film, Funke Akindele is a legend!!!!!!!!!!!

Ronke Odusanya, Iyabo Ojo, Ireti Osayemi Odunade Adekola, Eniola Badmus ati Tola Oladokun etc you all also did well o.

Twenty claps for all of you.


Sorry, oussh oucch!

I gats to belong!

Abeg, go and watch the movie and you will know what I am talking about.

One funny yoruba film like that.

Of course you know this film is a naija film na, there must ALWAYS be a part two, still waiting sha, can't wait.

Would You Date A Cultist?

Would you!? Imagine this scenario, you have been dating one particular guy for ages, you love him, he loves you, you adore him, he adores you and then one day, you find out that he is a member of one very well known dangerous and violent cult group/gang, will you dump him? Or allow 'love to prevail'? Me sha, I would dump his ass hard and then run as fast as my legs can carry me, I am not ready to be a target for rival cult groups, plus I have heard acid baths aren't too pleasant, I'm not saying it would be easy, not at all, but there is a difference between love and stupidity. If the guy loves me like he says, he will cancel his membership with that cult group, if he doesn't, well, love may hurt, but so does an axe to the head. Or how about this, you see one fine guy like that, he is everything you want in a man, he is making advances at you and he seems to like you a lot, the feeling is mutual, he is a member of one deadly cult group/gang, you are aware of this and you know how dangerous cultists can be, will you accept his advances or tell the guy to find road and waka for am well, as for me, I value my life o, so I don't think that I will accept his advances, no matter how heart melting and hot it is. I actually started thinking about this after reading one thread on nairaland relating to dating a cultist. Gone were the days when cults/gangs were just a 'fun fraternity' to mess around with the boys and/or girls you know, just have fun and get up to innocent mischeifs with friends etc, now we gats guns, rape and all sorts involved, see life o.

So tell me, would you?

I was talking to one friend of mine sha, he was telling me of a term cultists use, 'If you can't have it, destroy it', meeehn, my eyes rolled like a bowling pin, na by force the girl/guy should date you? I hate people like that, get me sooo annoyed, grrrrrr, no means no, you be God? I don't think so, see yeyesity.

No be only guys that are cultists sha, girls are also taking part.

Got this from an article online
Some of the most popular female secret cults are, Black braziers, Amazons, Jezebels, White pants, just to name a few. A prospective female cultist, according to Okwe (2002) must be a smoker of all brands of cigarettes, she must be able to consume all kinds of alcohol, she must be familiar with and, if possible, possess a pistol or an axe. She must also be rich, bold and have very “big” men friends. To guarantee her acceptance, she must pass the torture test. Being a lesbian is an added advantage. She must also cultivate the habit of wearing jeans

(Okwe 2002). She must possess a wardrobe of weird attires that can make heads turn whenever she passes by.
To the psychologically distressed, secret cults offer succour (Omotunde 1984). The succour is in form of love, affection and some degree of emotional security.
Students who are sought after by secret cults vary in social backgrounds. They might be children of professors, judges, politicians, senior police officers and so on. The status of their parents in society guarantees them some protection from the claws of law enforcement agents in the event that they get into trouble. Initiation naturally follows recruitment

Roflmao @ the lesbian part, is this a joke!?

The initiation process commences immediately after new recruits have been thoroughly screened. The first step in the initiation process is swearing an oath of allegiance and secrecy. As Thomas (2002) has observed, during an initiation ceremony, the eyes of the initiate are expected to be closed while some incantations are recited. New entrants are subjected to thorough beating as a means of toughening them and testing their endurance for pain.

On the initiation day, the new entrants are made to drink some concoctions mixed with blood (Thomas 2002). Sometimes they are given some tough assignments like raping a very popular female student or a female member of the university staff. For the female cultists, their initiation may include being forced to engage in some immoral activities. Brown (1999) has observed that, among the Jezebels and Amazons for example, new entrants may be made to undergo six rounds of rigorous intercourse in quick successions. They may also be made to fight with other girls or strong boys. They may also be subjected to thorough flogging. New entrants are expected to move around in groups of four or five as a means of protecting themselves against possible sexual harassment. During the initiation new members are taught to communicate with other members in coded language. Having been recruited and initiated, cult members are expected to engage in many activities, which form parts of the group norm.

Lord have mercy, so these are the people you want to date abi?

Sunday, 12 October 2008


Me: Good morning Chief
Chief: (Dirty look) What is so good about the morning? (Hiss)
Chief: C'mon, get out of the way jor, nonsense

Buahahahaha, nigerians ehn.

What do you call it when you're totally hooked/obsessed with nollywood movies? Ever heard of anime/manga? You know, those japanese animation cartoons with the big eyes like naruto and death note, people who are obsessed with those call themselves 'anime otaku's' (I used to be one of them sha) but I do not want to use the word otaku, people just use the word to describe themsleves when they don't even know its true meaning.

Otaku is extremely negative in meaning as it is used to refer to someone who stays at home all the time and doesn't have a life (no social life, no love life, etc)

A Japanese word describing a person beyond the realm of fandom but into mania that is improperly used by American fans.

In Japan the word "otaku" has become taboo because of Miyazaki Tsutomu who went on a toddler murdering spree in the 80's, video taping the young girls he had murdered from an obsession with lolicon (female pedophilic manga).

Americans use this term to call themselves "fanboys" or "fangirls" with almost no knowledge of the horrific roots behind the word.

Otaku ko, portharcourt ni.


My sister's friend keeps playing pranks on my house phone, putting on weird accents and such, I actually thought it was one guy that I have been avoiding calling because the voice sounded so much like his, I nearly shit my pants because I was like 'how the fork did he get my landline, sheeeeet' then she started laughing and then I realised it was her, crase girl, abi she wan kill me?

Speaking of pranks, anybody love pranks? I do! Well, when I'm not the victim hehehehehe. There was this game we used to play when we were younger called 'knock down ginger' where you would knock on people's doors and then run, hehehehe and the classic phone pranks, meehhn I was a pro! This one is not really a prank but it's still fun, plus I still do it now, somebody will be standing, sitting doing warreva and then you throw something it their head and then when they look back, put on one verrrry innocent angelic face, bend down or you too also look the other way so as to make them think that it was not you, goooood tiimmmmmes, buahahahahahaha, no mind me jare, am still a kid na hehehehehe!

Saturday, 11 October 2008

Football Is Soooo Booooooring

Well I think so, honestly, a group of sweaty men kicking a ball around, oh how fun. I've tried and tried to like the sport but I just can't. Even today, I tried to sit down with my brother and watch a match but I wasn't fazed, the boy is crazy about it sha, when a goal was made you should have seen and heard the way he screamed, then my sister added one snide comment saying that the goalkeeper was probably paid to allow the ball enter the net, we both burst out laughing, like craaazzzzy laughing and then he got really annoyed and told us to 'SHUT UP!' and got all moody, hahahahaha, nawa for wa o, all because of some crusty ball, wonders they say shall never end. In my whole life, I've only known like 4 men to either not be crazy about the sport or just dislike it as a whole, the rest are obsessed. I dunno sha, I always like it when I know a boy is not too crazy about it, I just start smiling, not because I myself don't like the sport and want him to be like me, but just because I dooo, it's my face, it starts to light up.

You've all heard the term 'pot calling kettle black' abi, my sister don come up with her own term, it was so random, we were having one jokey heated talk and then she came up with 'Chicken calling turkey meat', I just stopped in my tracks and squinted my eyes, 'what!?' she was like 'yeaaaaah that's my new word now, yeah am the first to say it blah blah blah' I was like 'ohh please' that was so lame jor, she no dey serious at all! And the thing is, she will actually keep saying it, I know her well o, crase girl.

Talked to a veeerrrrryyyy good family friend of mine after such a long time, he came online yahoo which he does not usually do, actually miss him, last time I saw him was last year when I stayed at his house in Lagos, hmmmm, gooooood tiiiimmmeeees *stroking chin* the guy is so funny sha, you know those kind of sarcastic people, veerrryyy funny, reminds me of my sister. What did he say that got me cracking up actually?

Me: wo enu e
Me: lool
Him: if i start yoruba wit u, ull hate urself
Me: (Laughing)
Him: olori gbeske
Him: ara galatia
Me: kai big head abi
Me: oloshioussss
Me: elenu gbeske
Me: dan gida
Him: boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Me: hehehehehehe
Me: ******* (His first name, will not display it)
Me: ****** (His last name, will not display it)
Him: ibukuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun
Him: ******(My last name, will not display it)
Me: you know my surname? (Shocked face)
Him: ?
Me: (Big teeth grin)
Him: wat do u think, av known u since u were small
Him: doh i dint put ur middle name sry
Me: u dont kno my middle name
Him: of course i do
Me: nah silly, i didn't ask for urs, i asked for mine (Smiley Face)
Him: u must v 4gotn it was during a family meeting u wer given dat name
Me: nah, ur memory is a bit fuzzy, that was you remember
Me: i was chilling in the kitchen eating ma foooooooood
Him: come on u cant tell me ur dat brain dead?

See hin mouth!!! Hisss!

Sisters and I mucking around, the clip is actually meant to be 3:09 minutes but imeem cut it down to 0:37 seconds so you can't hear our song *sad*, dunno why

Early morning park 'ing', as in I took my brother to the park so that he could play tennis with himself, at like 9.00 am, but now he has gone for football. I love going to the park in the morning, there is nobody there so you can act as looney as you like, I like dancing in this particular spot because when the sun is out, you can see your shadow, I love seeing my shadow when i'm dancing. Swings were soaking wet from the rain but I did not care, I just sat on the water and soaked it up with my yansh and sang so loud, i love hearing the echos, ahhhhhhh.

I have been singing one igbo song since yesterday, Mmiri maba mo it is called, first saw it whilst watching one igbo dance competition, sweet song, even though I don't know what the hell I'm saying, I just say whatever sounds like the igbo, sweeeeeeeet.

Sound is a bit fuzzy sha.

One of my favourite songs, 'Daga Albashi' by Kannywood stars 'Zainab Idris and 'Sani Danja', I could dance to this for like a whole year.

Friday, 10 October 2008

Statutory Rape In School

Ok ok ok, now I know exactly what happened! If you have no idea of what I am on about, read my earlier post, the 'school gist' part. Ok, there are these two gay boys in the boys college, we will call them G and A, ok, a couple of years ago, both G and A were caught giving each other blow jobs in the school toilets, na real wa for wa o, I don't know exactly what had happened to them but I'm sure they got into a lot of trouble, duh.

They were not kicked out of the school suprisingly, I guess it because the school would probably have been labelled 'homophobic' and all that nonsense, you know how businesses can be about their reputation etc, anyways sha, since then, apparently the boys have constantly been bullied about their sexuality.

So anyways sha, some days ago, G was bullied into perfoming oral sex on A again by some older boys, they were giving the threat that if they did not perform, they would be beaten. Did I hear you say beaten? If that was me, I would have gladly received the beatings, niiiiiicccceeeelllyyyy, would have even provided for them the cane, kai. The guys chose to suck each other off, too bad the bullies videod it and you know the power of bluetooth o, It can be be your best friend and also your worst enemy, people sending the video to each other's phones, I actually saw the video yesterday and I was shocked, the poor guys looked like they were being tortured.

Some girls in my year reported the video to the head of year and so now the teacher's know about it, well most of them and I am sure by now they would have already reported the video to the boys' school, I know police are involved sha because that is basically rape if you look at it well, some youths of today sha, utter madness.

Moving on...

Hmmm, today also, a friend of mine almost got arrested, she is soo lucky though two of her friends were arrested. Her friends were carrying cannabis she told me, a class C drug and they were arrested after being searched by policemen, she was also carrying one drug which I cannot remember the name of but I remember her telling me her own was class A, you know how girls are often let off more easily than boys when it comes to things like this, her own stash was in her purse and she used style to take the stash and hide it beside one bench when the policemen were busy searching the boys, they did not body search her as they did the boys, but they searched her bag but luckily, she had removed it, this is during school o, imagine senselessness.

Thursday, 9 October 2008

One friend of mine was getting all hot and excited over one particular video, take you down by Chris Brown, we'll call her J, she was like oh 'CB, you need to watch this, it's soo good, ahhhh you are gonna wet your pants', I was like, actually I didn't say anything I just carried on chewing my sandwich and gave her one dutty 'see your life' look, anyways sha, we are watching we are watching, the crase girl is fanning herself chanting 'look at their bodies','look at the hip movements blah blah blah'(no, it isn't porn) and jumping up and down like a kangaroo, still watching the video, I am not moved at all, hmm, maybe it is just my mind sha, what of my bory, so i check myself 'down there', I'm like 'nope J, I'm still dry, you were wrong', she's like 'ahhh shorrop dia' and that I am only pretending not to like the video so that I can prove her wrong and make her look stupid, what ever do you mean J? Nice song though.

Too bad I can't post the video here, can't find any that don't have the settings of the embedment of the video link being disabled.


You know there is a boy's version of my school, just heard that apparently, one boy in the year below forced another boy to perfom oral sex on him in the school toilets, apparently the guy has done something like this before and he got into trouble, it is well known that he is gay, I know he is suspended or something like that but police are also involved sha, gist is travelling around both schools, see life o.

A sudden assembly for all sixthformers has just been called o, we shall see wetin they wan tell us, I'm sure it's about te boy.

Ill write more when I get more info and in detail, you know how chinese whispers can be so maybe I did not get everything right, ciao!

Can't Think Of A Title

Kai, I was late AGAIN! What is this? These past two weeks have been different o because I rarely ever used to be late, but day upon day, same ting same ting. My sister sha, she will see when we both meet tonight, she got up in the morning, did not even bother to wake me up, dressed herself well and then left, I know I know it is my responsibiliy to set my alarm blah blah blah but she could have atleast woken me up, I always wake her up whenever I am up before her, na her sabi jor.

Omg, am I prone to accidents or what, I keep slipping, or is it the shoes I wear? Just now whilst walking up the library stairs, one matrix move took over my body like that, meehhn I just had to compose myself and thank God almighty that I did not land on my face, it is well o.

I saw one girl a few days ago, I don't actually know her personally but I used to see her at my bus stop everymorning before going to school, one of them ones, like I know her, but I don't actually know her, anyway sha, girl has grown o, well, we all have, she must have been with one bobo of hers and then she looked in my direction and started doing this big teethy smile, I was just staring at her, like for say 10 whole seconds when I realised she was actually smiling at me, I was like 'Oh!' (In my head of course) then I did the whole teeth smile thing back, I hope sey she no think I was giving dirty look o because I did not know it was me she was smiling at so at first I was giving her one 'what are you doing with your face' look, I have these face expression reflexes that sometimes I don't even realise I am doing, did not know she 'knew me like that', long time but it was nice seeing her again.

I don't know why, I have this massive craving for pie at the moment, anybody want to help me out? I will give you biiiiiiiiigggg sexy kisses that will make your head do kya kya kya kya! I really regret not eating a lot on monday at the chinese restaurant, I knew I would, it was ALL YOU CAN EAT for goodness sake and I only ate like 2 plates, I was hoping to fit atleast 10 plates into my stomach and the food was nice o. A friend who was actually part of the group who went and I were actually 'reminiscing' yesterday in class about our time in the restaurant with the food, when we should have been chopping our textbooks, tongue's sticking out and salivating like dogs whilst looking into the sky and smiling like people who don crase, you know, that kind of hungry look, you would have thought that our tongue's have never even come across a crumb of bread before, don't mind us jare, madam longthroats, eventually we snapped back into reality, oga lecturer was like 'Ok, get ready for your test now', if you see the way my eyes rolled.

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

I hate getting on the tram in the morning, but sometimes I just have to. I hate it because there are so many people and you get squashed, like a bug, plenty pushing plenty budging. Like, you can’t even move your hand, that’s how bad it is, even your head sha, so close to somebody else’s own. I know some people take advantage of such positions, it’s digusting.

Today, one particular guy behind me, I really don’t know what he was playing at, fair enough there was nothing he could do about being squashed against me, but he kept moving in a sort of irritating rythym whenever the tram was moving and he was pushing me harder against the doors with the weight of his whole body, whenever i turned my head to give him a sort of ‘what the hell are you doing’ look he’d be staring and licking his lips. I did not want to shout, I’d be really embarrassed, gosh. I was like, you know what, fork this, I'm walking, so I got off at an earlier stop, too bad for me I was late and there were teachers standing at the front gate of the school with the late book, 'late sixthformers sign in here please', I was like 'urrrgghh!', but then I just wrote in a fake name and class, suckers.

Tuesday, 7 October 2008

Bi A Lagbara Dze O Ni Iya, Ki Ofi Erin Si I

I've been asked a few times by some nairalanders, don't I get angry? Of course I get angry jare, I no be human? I'll just be like, wo enu e(see your mouth), it's just that anger is not always meant to be displayed, especially to somebody that you will probably never meet in your whole entire life, one random person on a public forum you met online, I mean c'mon, find a bridge and get over it, try to ignore them, actually scrap that, don't try, just do it. No problem disagreeing with people and trying to understand each other, people cannot always share the same opinion, whether it be in an debate or whatever, actually, debates are sometimes very fun, but arguments are never necessary, especially when insults are passed, I hate uneccesary insults, I really do, as in, 'your face is this', 'you are stupid' or whatever crap they wish to cook up for you, abi, sho fe jeun? (do you want to eat?) Jokes are not a problem, but you can always tell when somebody is being serious. You just have to pretend as if you do not hear them, or maybe act as if they don blow another language for your face you no sabi and apologize, or even better, thank them for the insult and wish them a nice day, don't forget to smile with all your teeth, like deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.


"Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit." - (Proverbs 26:4-5)

So I am in school earlier than usual, you see sixthformers are meant to come in at around 10.30 on a tuesday, just that yesterday night after my belle don full from all the chopping, I call it longthroat syndrome, my bory no fit do anyting at all, no homework no nothing, hopefully now I will catch up on some assignments DUE IN TODAY, KAI, laziness is not a good thing o. As usual, the morning is drizzly, rainy warreva you wan call it, I was like naah, can't get my hair wet so got one umbrella ella ella eh eh eh (lol sorry, couldn't help myself) from my house, my sister actually got it for me, one butterz crustificated umbrella that looked like it had been battered from war, the bullets of rain and hailstone had surely dealt with it critically, RIP jare.

Too bad that my sister had already grabbed the fresh one for herself and the third one was nowhere to be found. One thing I don't get about her sha, is that she never wears her jacket, maybe she thinks she dey for Lekki beach or someting because I just cannot comprehend...I don't know which boy she is trying to impress sha, even when she is going to school, all sorts of jewelry and hardware will be hanging from her body, abi d'banj be her maths teacher? I was not like that when I was her age, or was I? I guess it is just a faze.

Bought my first whole packet of gum in like ages, what an accomplishment abi, abeg fimisile jor, I have been trying to cut down on gum because apparently according to my parents, I chew like a cow, which one be dat na? One time actually, we were in one clothes shop, NEXT, the store music was blasting from the the stereo, my parents were on the other side of the store to me and the store is BIG, my dad ehn, he said that he could hear me chewing from the other side even over the music, nawa for wa o, exageration much? The packet of gum I bought sha, it is one that could last one person maybe a week or more sha, emi? I no fit keep am for even 2 hours, i must have atleast two in a row, if not more, it's a habit I need to crack and the cracking must be done with a huge axe, a shiny one please.

Hmm, one question, do you think I say 'sha' too much?

Monday, 6 October 2008

One good friend of mine's birthday today, a shout out to her. So as she was distributing out cake to her friends, her real friends, funny how suddenly people remember your name suddenly when there is something to chop. Anyways sha, there is this one girl in particular, I'll call her O, O as in O for Ojukokoro, as in you must always have whatever one person is having, you are never satisfied with your own thing, your eyes just dey do boing boing boing when it don land for another person's property. Soo, my friend, we'll call her B, was distributing cake to her friends, I don't know if O has some kind of laser eye where she always knows where there is food because suddenly, out of nowhere, the girl just appeared.

As soon as a few people saw her, we began to nudge each other and laugh to ourselves, O don land o, she then went and sat on one girl's lap near the cake, kai, abeg, who invited you jare because if it was her own cake, nobody go touch let alone smell a crumb of the cake. Well, I guess she realised that she wasn't getting norring because she she don commot for di place, sorry ehn hehehehe. I guess nobody has told her of her behaviour, it is not very good because people will get fed up with you, everytime they wan eat a meal or someting, they will need to make sure that the coast is clear so that they can eat their meal in peace and the thing is, her tactic is to come and sit on your lap or something, 'oooh hi babe, you aliright?' roflmao.

One of my friends sha, as soon as she unwrapped her sandwich, guess who landed for her side, you know the rest. Not even just food, clothes, discs, books you name it, I'm actually still waiting for her to return a pair of my shoes, a book and a nokia charger, maybe I am dreaming, return ke.

So I went to one Chinese restaurant after school today with some friends to celebrate B's birthday, we were all boasting of how we would rummage through at least 10 plates, when it was time to show wats we gats, i no dey even fit finish 2 plates let alone 10, see my mouth. Plus, it was an all you can eat buffet so we were not aloud to bring our own drinks, nah mate, they were selling a can of coke which is usually like 50p for like 1 pound, ole! So we 'smuggled' our own drinks into the restaurant and sipped underneath the table like criminals. So we don chop ati laff our heads off like parrots, somebory kept stealing food from di plates, abeg so you no dey see buffet for that side!? Hahahahaha, imagine.

Am so happy! I got the highest mark on one of my class assesments, part of my grade for the whole term! I was not there last week to collect my results because I was away on a class trip. A special thanks to Mayowa or as I like to call him ‘Mayox’ for helping me that night, loff you.

Sunday, 5 October 2008

Been reading a few people's blogs, interesting. I was thinking, maybe I should start writing my own story's, could be on anything and I'll post them here, I used to write a few of my own stories for one fanfiction site but that was ages ago and there is not even any written evidence to show of my past stories, too bad. Knowing myself, I'd probably write about things like relationships, sex blah blah blah all that teenage girly things, it's the way my mind works at the moment, no be my fault jare.

Hmm, I don't think I have blogged about this yet. One time in school, I went to the toilet in the dining hall. I did not know that the cubicle I had chosen to enter had a broken handle, low and behold I was locked in, shit. Some minutes later two 'friends' of mine entered the toilet and saw the situation I was in, you'd think they would help but all they did was burst out laughing and refuse to open the cubicle for me, you couldn't open it from the inside but could from the outside, damn. Too be honest, I would have done the same thing, hehehe.

One of them had actually found themselves in this situation the day before and had to climb over to the next cubicle, I was like, no damn way, plus I was wearing heels. They left and said that they would come back in fifteen minutes to see whether I had let myself free, moraafuckers! They came back fifteen minutes later but I was still there, kai, I no wan climb na, I be spiderman? Plus it was not as easy it sounds, I don't know how Jennifer don manage to climb the ting sha. After laughing at me yet again, they left yet AGAIN and said that they would be back. Shame that this was happening during our free period and majority of people were in classes so it was not like a random person could just come and help me out.

Eventually I had an idea, aha! I was standing on the sanitary pad bin, eww, I know, but the outisde was clean, abeg! Anyway sha, took off my shoe and threw it down on the outside, yes! It hit the handle! God is good! I'm freee! Buhahahahaha! I was there for like 40 minutes, imagine, when they saw me, the look on their faces ehn, oloshiousssssssss.

Omo Aya Mi Nja

Had this particular song on my phone for a while but never actually listened to it, was stored under the 'Unknown' title so I guess I never paid much attention to it. Was bored so I was just browsing through my phone and then came across one title, 'Idi Nla' and I was like, wetin be this. Anyways sha, started listening to it and loff it, loff the use of yoruba in it, the rappers/singers sound sexy too lol

Saturday, 4 October 2008

Love Poem To A Hot Dog

Oh thou frankfurt between a bun,
Why dost thou cause me so much fun?
I love thee for breakfast for lunch and for tea
I love thee in between times, constantly.
Tho' thy quality varies from New York to Rome,
Thou art there late at night for me to take home.
Thy savs are as red as my true love's lips
Thou art a sexual experience, without any hips.
Why don't they serve thee for holy communion,
A bite of the hot god for ecstatic union?
I eat thee for sustenance courage and thrills,
With or without mustard sauce or frills,
And my rampant appetite thou always appeaseth,
With or without mustard sauce or cheeseeth,
And a seven course dinner I never lack -
A hot dog and the old six pack.
Tho' thy tendency is to leap from the bun,
The butter to melt and the sauce to run,
My mouth is there to catch as catch can,
I bite thee off and man oh man,
When thou art gone I feel satisfied,
I love thee so much I get very tongue tied!
As the Buddhist monk said when he bought one to sing -
"Make me one.....with everything!"

Who Wants To Be A Millionnaire

One Night After Watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

A man and his wife went to bed and the man was getting very frisky. He asked his wife if she was in the mood.

His wife answered, "Not tonight dear, I have a headache."

The man replied, "Is that your final answer?"

She said "Yes.""

OK, then I'd like to phone a friend." he replied.

Friday, 3 October 2008

After School Outing

Ahh, went shopping today after school with a friend for some 'shmexy' lingerie, coudn't really find anything I liked which is a suprise, though my friend ended up with a few panties and bras. I dunno sha, I was just critisizing the designs, there was one I came across and I was like 'this is something my grandma would wear', I said it a bit loudly and did not notice these two women actually looking at it about to buy it, oops, thank God all they did was laugh, my friend was like 'see your mouth', kai i just turned my head.


One vegetarian friend was telling me what she eats and what she does not eat(meat, duh), she does not even eat fish sha, I was like, more grease to your elbows, she decided to become a vegeterian after she watched one gruesome video of a pig being slaughtered. I don't think I could do that sha, I mean, even after watching a video I would probably start my usual ramblings about how I will never eat let alone touch meat again, the next day, you will see me slamdunking a Big Mac burger into my mouth like I was Kobe Bryant. She said that she has only ever eaten meat once throughout the year and that it was even an accident. I was like, accident ke, she then told he how one 'bastard'(No be me who don refer to him as such o, this was the exact word she used) had a packet of crisps containing traces of meat, but instead of the usual brown coloured packet pork crips tend to have, the cover was pink so she thought the flavor was prawn cocktail, he turned the packet the other way round in order for her not to see the flavor labelled on the crisp and offered her some, she obliged(madame longthroat)and was like 'hmm, these taste kind of funnt, are they expired?', he was like 'naaah, they're pork flavor', 'pork kini?' SPPPIIITTT!!!!!!!! Spit wetin? After you don swallow erryting whooole like a whale. Too late jare.


Thursday, 2 October 2008

I kept mixing the words 'Panini'(A type of sandwhich) and 'Punani'(Vagina) togerra today, but they sound so similar, no be my fault o. One friend was like 'I've never tasted a Panini before', I was like 'You've never tasted Punani!?' *Shocked expression* She was like 'Panini not Punani!', I was like 'Oh Yeah!' hehehehe.

Went to court today, school trip I think I've mentioned in one of my earlier posts. Watched a few murder trials, first one was a bit stale and the witness couldn't even speak english properly, though he had a translator, I fell asleep and I didn't care who saw me, too tired to care, just hope say my mouth was not left open like wha! One other court case involved one teenage boy and a shooting, interesting at first but then it was taking too long, so I fell asleep, again.

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

Ohhh, my baby, my baby, my baby! I talked to my baby yesterday, for the first time in like a month! He says his business is doing well and I'm so happy for him, he says he misses me, the feeling mutual o, Ina Sonki! We will both definately be keeping the fire burning as he likes to say.

Eyah, imagine me ehn, I am supposed to be in school at the moment but I really don't feel like it. It's cool because we are not actually having any lessons today, today we are having 'faith development day' where we talk about faith (duh), charities etc etc I made an effort to go, i really did, but it pouring with rain when I left the house, literally bullets of liquid being shot down from the clouds at me, kai, I was soaked, then I was like nah I can't deal with this, so I went back home to change. So I did, then I went to school, I was late so I had to sign into the late book, but then one book caught my eye, It was the book where you sign your name in if you are leaving school early and if you have sorted it all out with the head of year, e.g gotten your diary signed, given them a reason and all that jazz, I grabbed the book and signed myself out even though technically I had just gotten in, this way I would not into trouble, hehehe, they need to be more careful about where they put their books, so then I skipped back home. I am actually ill, well sort of.