Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Voice Recording Meme

Sorry o, I've been very busy! Here is my meme!

CB's Meme Voice Recording

Sunday, 26 April 2009

Party Dey O

House party/rave yesterday night.

Loud Music.

Dancing. (A bit too raunchy)

Darkness EVERYWHERE! (Swear down swear down)

Drinks.

Food.

Fine girls.

Fine boys.

Pictures. 

Cleavage.

Booty.

Ogling Boys.

Chasing. (Haba, na by force?)

Waist Grabbing. (You see how guys will slyly just appear from nowhere and then you suddenly feel one presence descending on your backside)

Bumping.

Grinding.

Pure Jokes.

One random Chinese boy. (Huh?)

A wise teenage girl once said 'swagger doesn't mean matching your trainer laces with your  shirt'. 

Must EVERY picture get on to facebook? Mehn.

Ps, I said I'd post the meme on this post but I've actually done a voice recording for it so that'll be my next post, promise.

Ok, off to church now. (Where's my bible?)

Friday, 24 April 2009

Too Deep In The Spirit?

I find it incredibly annoying when people are tooooo spiritual. As much as one ought to be ‘correct’ in their faith, close to their God etc excitement takes them a bit over the top from time to time. My mum is all too fond of this, even to the point where you sometimes can’t even have simple conversations with her without her bringing the Holy Spirit into it, everything must be linked to religion, religion and more religion. Her intimacy with God is truly a wonderful thing, don’t get me wrong, but when we are talking in the ‘physical’, sometimes the constant links to the Holy Spirit etc are not necessary.

For instance, I was at my cousin’s house, all of them are quite old, as in their ages range from 23-31, we were shocked when K (the 31 year old) said that he was 31, he looked much younger, my parents then started talking about marriage to him and asking when he plans to get hitched and what not. Then the topic of discussion turned to O (one of the daughters, she was not among us at the time) and when she would get married. They started talking in Yoruba and there were a few things I was not able to pick up. I then asked my mum later on if O had gotten a fiancĂ© yet.

Me: Mummy, has O gotten a fiancé yet?

Mum: Yes, by the Grace of God.

Me: No I mean has anybody actually seen him before?

Mum: We will all see him soon, in Jesus name.

Me: Yeah I know that, amen and all but I’m talking in earthly terms here, is there actually any physical evidence of him? I mean, has O even met him yet?

Mum: By the Grace of God.

Me: Sigh.

That’s just a summary of what happened, by this time I was fed up with trying to bring her down to earth. Don’t get me wrong o, indeed by the grace of God and in Jesus name, O will get the husband she desires, but for goodness sake…

Tagged by the sweet Rambling Naija Babe for a meme, that will be my next post ;)

Thursday, 23 April 2009

Amebo Radio: Nigerian Criminal Gang Members Arrested

This is CB reporting live on Amebo Radio news report station where we have just received out braking information on the arrest of two notorious criminals who are part of a disreputable gang roaming the streets of Nigeria and on occasions, Ghana. 

These group of people are a terrible and dangerous threat to the African society, the sooner they are caught, the better. The two captured members are currently being detained by the police force and will await their trials. The two detained have been named as one Monalisa Chinda and Uche Ogbodo, both regular abusers of the ‘Stop Putting on That Stupid American Accent’ law which came into act in 1997 in Nollywood set by Nollywood's government leaders. 

Such breeches of law will earn both detained a befittingly deserved punishment so as to penalize the them for their unlawful felonies. The police are aware that a number of members of the notorious gang are still on the loose   and still creating havoc for the very innocent Nollywood movie viewers who are traumatized after viewing and hearing such poor pronunciation and treatment of words. 

A number of suspects are said to go by the names of Stephanie Okereke, Nadia Buari, Pat Attah, Tonto Dike and Jim Iyke who police investigations have come to find may be the ring leader who’s phonetic offences proved so ghastly, an old woman ended up in hospital with severe ear burn after watching one of his latest movies, ‘Dream Maker’. The old woman's family have said to have filed a law suit against the directors of the film. Our sympathy goes out to her.

A reward of a life time supply of agege bread is said to be available for whoever is able to assist police with any information leading to the arrest of the remaining members of the criminal gang, plus 2 bottles of cold stout if the ring leader is caught.

Thank you for listening to Amebo Radio’s latest news report.

Next week’s topic of discussion, ‘The Trials and Tribulations of a Nollywood Actresses Weave’

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

The Virgin Whore

There was a quote about this, something about men wanting a virgin whore, I can't find the damn quote (google you fall my hand o). You know how 'cool intellectual' quotes somehow make a blog look more, well cool, especially when italicced.

I strongly believe that whoever came up with that quote is someone who knows me very well, either that or I have a creative stalker, whichever. The point I'm getting at is that I could go on and on about how I refuse to lose my virginity until I get married, argue endlessly in debates over the topic, shit, I even have a book coming out about it, I kid I kid but the constant circle of thoughts within my mind are a complete contrast to my rants. I can honestly hold my head up high and say that I think about sex daily, it's like an everlasting drug (body no be wood biko). Heck, I probably know a damn load more about the thing than those who have indulged in the popping of cherries and yet, I may sometimes come across as a clueless virgin, sometimes.

I must sound confused. Do I sound confused?

I am an observer, skilled if I might say so myself, seeing but never actually doing, not until the 'right' time anyway.


Tuesday, 21 April 2009

The Examiner

I was thinking, about examinations etc, not neccesarily about the process of actually studying for them and then taking the exam (although obviously such processes play a major role, duh), but the process of actually marking the papers.

I know for a fact that many examiners actually take the piss when marking some papers, not that they necessarily have anything against the person who wrote the paper (although this can sometimes be the case) but maybe they’re just being lazy about it, or were ‘abit tired’ that day, poor them.

Such takers of piss seem to not get the fact that they actually have somebody’s life in their hands, literally, as in say for example Obinna had just written his exam, prepartions for this paper caused many sleepless nights, high amount of stress and a big fat bucket of sweat and blood, the grade he gets for the exam determines his future, his bloody future and poor old Mr Whatever can’t be bothered to mark the paper properly, or maybe Obinna is dating Mishope who happens to be in Mr Whatever’s Mathematics class.

Mr Whatever is dying for this babe but she refuses to accept his pervy proposals, how dare she, He now inconsiderately takes out his bitterness on none other than Obinna, that should do the trick!

Twat.

It’s not even the case that I’m upset with things like this, it’s more of a feeling of annoyance that some people could be so selfish as to jeopardise somebody’s future and based on the most flimsy and pathetic excuses. Like seriously are there not enough willing prostitutes out there for you to linger on to rather than the disturbing the peace of the Obinna’s and Mishope’s of this world.

Yeah I have exams coming up.

Monday, 20 April 2009

Sugar Kini Kan

Approached by one 'Sugar Daddy', have they no shame? One old rickety thing like that.

CB is walking innocently down the street.

A car pulls up.

CB is like ok.

Man old enough to be her dad sticks his head out of the window. (Agbaya!)

CB carries on walking.

Old thing trails CB with his car.

CB stops and stares.

Old thing tells CB that he has seen her a few times in this area and gives the usual crap of wanting to get to know her. (Tell that to the goats son)

CB is cracking up in her head but keeps a straight face, just managing to say 'Urrgh'.

Old thing asks CB for her number and even has the cheek to bring out his phone.

CB acting like a retard is still standing there saying 'Urrgh'.

Old thing is smiling.

CB tells Old thing that she needs to go somewhere and runs. (Run ke)

CB is now saying 'Chineke'.

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Not The Same

Really drifting away from this guy.

Things just aren't working for me.

Don't want him to get angry when I eventually set him straight.

Last time was a disaster.

Things were said and done that were regretted later on, figures.

But a girl's gotta do what she gotta do.

I'm talking in riddles, I know.

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Naija Music And Taggings!

Naija music in general is really impressing me and I have no doubt will continue to do so, massively massive transformations occuring. The past times of Danfo Drivers, Tony Tetuila and Eedris kini kan have long expired, amusing times but like they say, the most constant thing in life is change.

Even the music videos sef, some of them, great improvements, especially compared to the past common use of powerpoint features (you kidding me?). Naija, carrying on with the stepping up of the game o, I salute you.

Tagged by the lovely Cidersweet

The rules;*use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.*they have to be real....nothing made up! if the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers.*you cannot use any word twice and you cant use your name for the boy/girl question.*dont google youranswers.*make it as interesting and fun as you can.

1. What is your name: Cappuccine

2. A four letter word: Cake

3. A boy's name: Chris

4. A girl's name: Chi Chi

5. An occupation: Carpenter

6. A color: Cream

7. Something you'll wear: Clothes (Hehehe)

8. A food: Carrots

9. Something found in the bathroom: Cream

10. A place: China

11. A reason for being late: Caught up in traffic

12. Something you'd shout: Chai

13. A movie title: Catch me if you can

14. Something you'd drink: Cappuccino!

15. A musical group: Coldplay

16. An animal: Chicken

17. A street name: Ching Chang Chong Street

18. A type of car: Citron

19. The title of a song: Cherry Lips

I tag BSNC, Danny, Roc, MissFlyHigh and MissLove

That Thing Called Marriage

So attitudes towards marriage have definitely changed, like you didn't know. Back in the days, it was all about graduating and then the race towards finding that perfect husband begins, ready, set go! Against some mean competitors I must say.

Such races still occur but not as much, catching my drift? As in women are now more focused on careers, the sultrybusiness suit and oversized handbags have long overidden the famous diamond wedding ring and the big yummy cake. Some don’t even want to get married, the mere mention of it throws them into some of the biggest rants known to mankind.

What was that words again? Yeah, cohabitation seems to be newest fad of the modern times, I guess it’s just a personal thing. A friend of mine said she did not want to get married, fair enough, her excuse was that ‘it’s too expensive’, swear to God I laughed for a whole week.

Maybe she's just too old fashioned, or maybe it’s just the fact that growing up, past and current, my mother made it part of her duty to drum the whole marriage thing into my head, where’s the panadol when you need it? Especially coming from a Nigerian home, I swear, a woman past thirty and still unmarried must hold onto any man that comes her way, expired milk is a popular term. Folks really need to wake up and smell the coffee, biko.

I want to get married, no shit, I just believe in terms of the future, I will pursue my career before jumping into the marriage wagon, can’t always just depend on a man, no offence dudes, I love you but....

Though the only way I’ll get a chance to...crude word approaching...fuck is if I get married, yours truly is a ‘no sex before marriage kind of lass’.

Laughing my frigging ass off.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

'True Love'

Yesterday whilst braiding my hair (such a long time), tuned into my usual 'Nollywood mode' where my eyes were fixated on nothing else but the screen before me. Interesting film, unsuprisingly a love flick, gratefully not starring Desmond Eliott and/or Ramsey Noah, we give God the glory (Sorry, but their faces are just becoming too frequent).

Basically guy and girl in love in village, guy leaves for youth service, girl promises to wait but doesn't, youth service guy comes back and finds out the chick has dumped his ass, guy is 'mourning', guy now 'hates' women, friend of guy persuades guy to 'get over it already' and find a new babe, guy is reluctant but finds new babe, new bitch oops I mean babe is a golddigger (yeah, guy is rich now), guy loves new babe but wants to find out if new babe loves him or his thick pockets, guy pulls 'trick' pretending to lose job, house etc, new babe leaves (gosh, too easy) but new babe has friend who is nice, new babe's friend comforts 'poor' guy when he 'needs it most' (basically friend aint no golddigger), guy realises this and falls for new babe's friend vice versa, new babe (the ex now) finds another mugu to leech onto, new babe is actually mugu because new guy is actually a 419er, new babe does not know (hehehehehehe), 419er gets caught, new babe is all 'egba mi o' (nah, film wasn't yoruba just added that in for extra effect, sue me), first girl that left youth service guy appears, hubby has been mistreating her, left her with baby for another woman, husbandless girl now living in village with baby, youth service guy just suddenly out of the blue 'bumps into her' (nollywood eh), asks her why she left him, she says nothing, he has forgiven her but too bad now he has his own chick. other guy with new babe's friend tells new babe's friend about his 'trick', new babe's friend faints and they live 'happily ever after'.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY. (Teehee)

Sooo, guys and girls, would you do such a thing to find your so called 'true love'? Doesn't need to be exactly what youth guy did but maybe something along such lines (guy pretends to be poor/ girl pretends to be pregnant etc etc).

I guess some people have just got to do what they've got to do, finding good partner, e no easy o.

Ps, any 'Motunrayo' fans out there? My imagination seems to have gone on a lil' vacation, will be back soon, hopefully.

Saturday, 11 April 2009

Insert Post Title Here

I sometimes look back and think of all the stupid things I've done in the past and think to myself, 'shit', like not even in a cringey way, but the sort of way that makes you realise how much more of an idiot you are. I've put myself through alot and so uneccesarily, I'm like the foolish rebel, if that even makes sense.

Ok, now I'm off to go and eat suya.

Saturday, 4 April 2009

Motunrayo (Part 3)

The next night, whilst laying on her mat, Akin was busy sulking outside by the side of the hut, distraught by the death of his baby and angry at his wife. He had concluded that it was Motunrayo’s plan all along to get him angry so that he would beat her and by doing so, kill the child. Without a baby in her stomach, she would have an excellent opportunity to run, not only from him but the village. He became even more livid at the end of his conclusion, what a ‘clever’ and devious girl she was.

Akin entered his hut, making his way towards Motunrayo who appeared to be deep in sleep. He lay beside her and tapped her gently on the shoulder. Refusing to wake up, he tapped her continuously until she finally lifted herself.

Annoyed at the disruption, she asked him if he knew what time it was and warned him to leave her alone, laying her head back down on the mat whilst doing so. Akin told her to get up and that he wanted to make love to her as to make up for the loss of the baby. Up and alert by his request, Motunrayo pleaded with him to leave her alone.

Akin told her that he could not do such a thing, that in order to consummate the marriage, they must sleep together. She reminded him that he had already slept with her before and without her consent, her persistent pleads did not seem to get through to him.

Akin also reminded her that he was her husband and that it was his right to sleep with her. He told her that he did not want to hurt her. Motunrayo knew she would not be able to stand against him, forced to oblige, she gave in and he made love to her.

A few months down the line, Motunrayo found out she was pregnant, Akin was overjoyed.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Friday, 3 April 2009

Motunrayo (Part 2)

Motunrayo knew no joy ever since that fateful day. After much taunting and pleading from her parents, she was forced to marry Akin. Though aware of her unfortunate ordeal, they still insisted on her marrying him. She was pregnant and that was all there was to it, it was also made intensively clear that the secret of her rape was to remain undisclosed at all costs, as if it did not, such an event would bring great shame onto the family name and Baba Motunrayo refused to allow his name be rubbed into the dirt.


Motunrayo was absolutely devastated at the lack of sympathy her family showed, annoyed at both their ignorance and unfairness. Her family had betrayed her.

Akin knew that his plan would work. It came as no surprise when he was called by the Adeyemo’s to collect his wife, he was delighted. The people of Ojo Village were stunned at the sudden marriage announcement, it did not seem like innocent Motunrayo to go for such a person to settle down with, little did they know.

On numerous occasions, Akin had tried to get her to understand his intentions but Motunrayo refused to hear. She did not see him as a husband but rather, a monster, but 4 months pregnant and carrying his child, she had no other choice. Akin provided for her to the best of his abilities, he was not necessarily a bad man but like many, contained habits that needed to be controlled, especially when it came to Motunrayo.

There was never a day without an argument, whether small or big, Akin and Motunrayo had always managed to quarrel. Her sharp tongue and lack of respect for him angered him to no bound. Akin had always restrained himself from beating her as he did not want to harm his baby, that is, until one day, Motunrayo stretched him beyond his limits. He beat her severely causing her to lose the baby.

Akin was devastated and blamed Motunrayo for the death of the baby.

The next night, whilst laying on her mat….

…TO BE CONTINUED.

Thursday, 2 April 2009

Motunrayo (Part 1)

Akin was a very strong man, young but fearless. He possessed the strength of a lion and the wisdom of an owl. As much as Akin was tough he was also very stubborn and quick to anger. He had once killed a snake with his bare hands. He seemed to always get his way.

Akin lived alone in a hut left to him by his late parents in the village where he was brought up. Left as an only child to fend for himself, he was used to being alone. He very much preferred it that way. Tall and very handsome, adored by many girls in the village he was. But to the elders, Akin was as an outcast, both his parents had died mysterious deaths and that was enough to cause the ignorant minds of the villagers into believing that he was the cause. Foolish people he thought.

One day, whilst eating kolanut by the side of his hut, Akin spotted a girl walking through the bushes, she was carrying a bucket, probably to fetch water he thought. He recognized her instantly, that long hair, that body, that beautiful face, it was Motunrayo. He had lusted after this girl ever since the day he laid his eyes on her but the she had rejected him the many times he had attempted to woo her.

He wanted her as his wife but refused to plead with her. He believed that men should never have to beg , especially a woman. Akin stood up and followed her.

After fetching the water, Motunrayo , tired and hot laid down next to the stream, she wanted to relax before making her way back home to prepare her family’s meal. Suddenly, Akin appeared in front of her, shocked by the sudden intruder, Motunrayo briskly stood to her feet. She recognized Akin immediately and wondered what he was doing.

Akin greeted her and asked how she was, she replied him but her failure to return the question annoyed him. Motunrayo lifted her bucket when he asked her when she was planning to finally accept his andproposal adding that her that her stubbornness was getting too much.

She ignored his comment told him that she did not plan on marrying him. When he asked her why, she shrugged her shoulders and adjusted her oshuka. Akin could not stand anymore rejection from her, her refusal to oblige angered him. Aware of his mood, Motunrayo carefully laid it the bucket on her oshuka and began to walk away but he pushed her down causing the bucket to fall. Akin tore off her wrapper and raped her, her cries were hushed by the sound of the noisy stream.

Akin believed that this was the only way for them to be together. If he succeeded in getting her pregnant, knowing the shame it would bring to her entire family if she gave birth out of wedlock, her family would be forced to hand her over to him in marriage, it was the only way.

TO BE CONTINUED.