cappuccinebaby

Motunrayo Part 8

2009-08-29T13:46:00.000-07:00

Part 6 and 7 are in the posts before ;)

Motunrayo at first had refused to admit it, but her relationship with Akin seemed to have changed in some subtle way she could not understand, she seemed to be growing warmer towards him, less arguments, she felt less hostile plus she conformed a lot more to his requests, something she hated herself for doing, she had always promised herself she would never allow such a thing to happen, at first she blamed it on her condition, too much hassle would not be good for her in such a state, arguments would only cause her added stress, she was too tired to quarrel, too young for all the strain, Motunrayo thought back to her vicious encounter with Akin and was bitter suddenly, her so called lack of discipline troubled her, she saw herself as a failure, cursing herself in her head she sighed silently.

It was one thing that she had allowed the change in their relationship to happen and another thing that Akin could possibly know all along, this would give him a great opportunity to use her inner weakness as an advantage, her breaths became heavy, perspiration forming on her forehead as her hands shook restlessly, did he know? She tried to consult herself, of course he knew! He had known right from the beginning and had done everything he could to make it happen, constructed well from all the small actions and words, she felt like a puppet, sick to her stomach her teeth gritted unknowingly, no more tugging and pulling, the strings needed to be cut, she had to be released.

Agitated, Motunrayo’s body felt hot, her husband was out and there was not much water left in the bucket to use, she shrugged and decided to settle for the little water remaining, a little while later, Motunrayo was still in the stall, as she bathed, she was suddenly aware that Akin had returned to the hut, she was still inside the little bath stall behind their home and feared that her absence in the hut would cause Akin to search for her in the stall, hurriedly she used the last of the water.

Akin was now aware of his wife’s absence within the hut and headed towards the bath stall where he met her wrapping herself, hair and body dripping with water he watched as soft droplets of water dripped down her long legs and chest.

Motunrayo glanced at him, she did not know why she was so embarrassed being seen in this situation, it was not the first time he’d seen her like this, nether less she blushed, a hot sensation burning in her cheeks, she looked down, trying to hide her now quivering hands behind her back. Akin was amused, eyebrows gently raised as he approached her, she scuttled back swiftly and turned around. “Motun, look at me.” “I don’t want to” Akin drew in a deep breath and touched her gently, she flinched at his touch and he put both arms around her, holding her against him he bent his head, nuzzling his nose in her hair and breathing in her scent, he closed his eyes. “You smell delicious” he said.

For a few seconds, Motunrayo entranced in his tight grip, closed her eyes allowing herself to melt into his strong arms, he bent and kissed her neck causing a fiery sensation to run through her spine, causing her to lose her breathe.

Suddenly she felt weak, faint droplets of sweat ran down her forehead and then she snapped, “Fimisile! ” she cried, pushing herself aggressively against his hard chest, caught off guard he loosened his grip, he watched her intensely as she pulled herself together, trembling violently.

Motunrayo Part 7

2009-08-29T13:45:00.000-07:00

Montunrayo’state was becoming even more evident as the many months passed, she glowed wonderfully, her stomach as round as ever, her hair grew faster and thicker, often packed in a large bun on her head, curly strands laid untidily on her forehead, regardless it shone a brilliant black. Moreover, her breasts had also gone through a dramatic change, much to Akin’s delight, maybe he’d get her pregnant more often.

A month or two later and he’d be holding his child, his own child, a son he’d hoped for, desperately yearned for and he was without doubt not one to allow anything whatsoever to come in between him and his craving, nothing stopped him from getting Motun, a baby was just the next step, no, a son, oh how he wished for a son. As usual his wife was proving difficult, often refusing the meals he or anybody else would prepare for her, even if she did eat it was hardly enough, especially for a woman in her condition, he thought she spent way too much time outside, concerned as he was Akin had tried his best to make the hut as comfortable for her as he could, that should be good enough for her, what else could she want? But then it hit him. Finished with his cooking, he called for her, she was not in the hut so he trailed outside where she was slouched over the hut ledge, his broad shoulders tensed as his arms folded, and he stood hovering over her. At once she sensed his presence, Motunrayo sprung up immediately and stared at him, she read him like a book, irritation written all over him, he bit his lip obviously trying to control his fury, Motunrayo closed her eyes and waited for the attack.

The attack came at once. “Nice try Motun”, she was confused, squinting her eyes she asked what he meant, annoyed that she insisted on playing dumb he shook his head and sighed, she was baffled, ‘what on earth did this guy want?’ she thought. “You think I don’t know what you’ve been trying to do?” his voice was stern, “skipping meals, long lays in the sun, you really had me going for a minute” a sarcastic smile now plastered on his face, still puzzled she squeezed her face, trying to understand what he meant, then she realized. Motunrayo shot back immediately, she honestly did not know what he was talking about, the whole ordeal had just made her lose her appetite plus she truthfully found staying outside more relaxing, the sun did sometimes get to her but she found it better than being locked up inside, realizing how paranoid he was Motunrayo laughed in her head, she wondered what would happen if she just got up, walked towards him, put her arms around him and kissed him. Snapping out of her daydream, she realized Akin was still talking, she was able to pick up at the last of his rant, something about him being a hawk and her not kidding herself, not bothered to take him up on his threats, she ignored him and turned her head, waiting for the rant to end.

“Your food is ready Motun” he turned to enter the hut, “I’m not hungry” she replied, Akin left her sighing with relief, but shortly returned with the meal he had prepared for her, yam and palm oil. Cutting a piece of the yam he bent down beside her, holding the piece of yam to her lips, she swallowed hard, her throat dry “No thanks” she said wearily, “Eat something baby, you need all the strength you can get”, “I don’t want. . .” “Eat it.” Motunrayo bit her bottom lip, reluctant to eat the yam but eventually gave in and submissively ate the meal, though only part, Akin was satisfied enough to leave her be and ate the rest.

Motunrayo Part 6

2009-08-29T13:40:00.000-07:00

Motunrayo was sick and tired of Akin telling her what she could and could not do all the time, constantly asking herself daily if this was what marriage was all about, she felt like a prisoner, a bird in a cage, she needed freedom, freedom from the hut, freedom from Akin. The baby was weighing her down, both physically and mentally, it sickened her to think that within her lay the seed of an absolute monster, she wondered what the baby would look like when born, would it have a mark? Possibly, considering the vicious way it was created, Motunrayo shivered. Giving birth to this child was her only way to freedom, as soon as she conceived, she would flee the hut, leaving Akin to take care of the baby, she had it all planned out, but the only problem was how? For one thing, Akin was like a hawk, forever watching her every move, it would be difficult, almost impossible to leave his sight and she could tell that he would be on an even closer watch out considering what had just happened some minutes ago with Niyi, she snapped out of her thoughts, her full attention now on her ‘Husband’.

He was now dividing the water he had just fetched into another set of buckets, Motunrayo stood leaning on the hut wall, arms crossed, and teeth gritted together, her eyes were like flames, they had been set alight by none other than Akin, how dare he tell her not to bring a friend to her home, even if today’s visit by Niyi had not been expected, in her mind, he was welcome to the hut anytime he wanted. She voiced this thought out, loud and clear. Akin ignored her, knowing full well that all she wanted was another quarrel, he could not be bothered quite frankly, not tonight. Finished with distributing the fetched water, he stood up, trailed towards the chair in the corner and seated himself down, his long legs stretched out, he kicked off his sandals, rubbing his feet together.

Motunrayo had now left her earlier position against the wall and was now walking towards the door exit, Akin raised himself up and asked her where she going, she told him that she needed a bit of fresh air, she’d been locked up in the hut all day and just needed space to breathe. Slightly uneasy, he allowed her to do as she wished, but agreed only if she left the door open, wide.

Motunrayo made her way towards the door, she slammed it hard behind as she stepped out, hissing in response to his silly requirement. He groaned, shaking his head as he too made for the door, but only to open it, when would this girl realize that stubbornness would not get her anywhere, but then again, it amused him and at the same time, it seemed that her determined and feisty attitude only cause Akin to want her more, he smirked, hands folded as he stared intently at his wife, trailing up and down in front of the hut, she glowed admirably, oh and the child, he could not wait for his wife to give birth.

But this was only the beginning, for his plan was to get Motunrayo pregnant yet again not too long after she would giving birth to the first child, it was the only way he could think of that would cause hindrance to her plans of leaving him, Akin could read her like a book, suspicious of the thoughts and plans she schemed in her head, he knew his wife well, all too well, he chuckled to himself as he made his way back inside.

It was best just to wait, he was getting used to this new found patient attitude of his, all thanks to his lovely wife.

Motunrayo Part 5

2009-05-13T13:25:00.000-07:00

It's short but it's all I could think of for now :D

His eyes fixated on both his wife and the stranger seated on Motunrayo’s mat, Akin was stunned, mental pictures of Motunrayo and this stranger romancing in his own house during his absence flashed in his mind, fuming but still managing to keep his cool, gluing his eyes on the couple, he screwed his face and waited for a response. Niyi instantly shot up, not taking his eyes off Akin the whole time, he subsequently looked at Motunrayo who was still seated on the mat, her turned, eyes trailing the floor, she knew how Akin was feeling but in all honesty could not care less.

Annoyed by their lack of response, Akin asked who the stranger was, the question obviously directed at his wife but Niyi the one to answer. He told Akin that he was just a friend and had just come to visit Motunrayo and see how see was, stretching his hand out for a handshake, Akin rudely ignored his gesture and stared at him. Motunrayo spoke up, basically repeating what Niyi had told Akin, she lifted herself up stood close to Niyi. Evidently uncomfortable with the situation, Niyi announced that he would be leaving, to which Motunrayo immediately protested against, completely ignoring the presence of Akin within the room.

Intent on leaving, Niyi insisted, but promising to visit her another day, he left quietly, bidding farewell to both Akin and his wife. Immediately after his departure, she attempted to make her way into the kitchen, Akin warned her to stop where she was, asking, how dare she bring another man into their home? She told him that the man in question was her good friend, even way before she had met him and that she owed him no explanation for having a friend over, he hissed and told her she was wrong, she hissed back.

Akin trailed towards her, warning her that her stubborn behavior would not get her anywhere, she was clueless and asked him what he was on about, trying to prevent him from getting too close, she tried to walk away, he was now standing in front of her, she was blocked. He warned her not to ever in her life bring any man into his home again, challenging him, Motunrayo asked of what he would do if she did, Akin shrugged and muttered underneath his breath, telling her to just try it.

Motunrayo Part 4

2009-05-08T04:42:00.001-07:00

With a baby now present in his wife’s womb, Akin was not as distressed as before concerning the chances of Motunrayo fleeing. At least if she did, it would not be as simple for her, the extra baggage would without doubt cause her hindrance. His unruly temper was also something that would need to be put under a leash for he would not allow himself to be provoked by Motunrayo, losing this baby was definitely not a risk Akin was willing to take, not again.

A depressed and irritated Motunrayo more often than not moped around her husband’s hut. Basically a shadow of herself, she was a ghost hovering in darkness, soaked in her own despair, the sight of Akin alone annoyed her and she snapped at him at every given opportunity. Akin handled her with patience, he appeared a composed and tolerating husband, enduring Motunrayo’s ill-mannered attitude daily, on the contrary, deep within, Akin was actually a bomb on the verge of exploding, for if not for the baby…

One day, an unexpected visitor had come to visit Motunrayo, whilst lying on her mat she had heard a gentle knock at the hut door, initially thinking that it was Akin returning from the stream, Motunrayo did not bother to answer, although it was very unlike Akin to knock but who else would be visiting? Her mother had paid a few visits but rarely ever and for this she was actually very grateful.

The visitor knocked again, increasing the pressure of their knocks at the door, obviously not convinced that nobody was at home. Motunrayo lifted herself and answered, asking who it was, the visitor replied, recognising the voice instantly her spirit was instantly raised. She opened the door and jumped, but only slightly for the weight of the baby had pulled her down.

The visitor had turned out to be Niyi, a close friend of Motunrayo’s, he had always secretly admired her but failed to express his true feelings, totally shattered at the sudden announcement of her wedding to Akin, there was nothing he could do. They had not been in contact since her marriage to Akin, she was not even able to explain to him what had happened, everything had happened so fast, too fast.

She did not like keeping secrets from him but she just could not bring herself to expose the disgusting truth that had formed her so called marriage. Motunrayo was ecstatic but at the same time, angry at him for not visiting much earlier, she had missed him very much. Niyi explained to her that he only wanted to give her time to settle down with her husband, he had missed her extremely too but was not too certain of how Akin would react if he had paid a visit, it was only now that he had summed up the nerve, Niyi apologized for his timid behavior.

Noticing the silence within the hut, Niyi asked of Akin’s whereabouts, she told him that he had gone out to fetch water and would return shortly. Slightly relieved, Niyi gave a heavy sigh of relief, Motunrayo could sense that her good friend was tense, concerned, she tugged at his arm, asking him if everything was ok, giving a slight smile, he assured her that everything was fine.
It had been such a long time since they had had a good chat, Motunrayo missed their times together, just the thought that both her and Niyi could have been somewhere else right now, gisting and laughing together as friends would caused her bitterness towards Akin to increase, she clenched her fists.

Since the wedding, Niyi never seemed to bump into Motunrayo around the village anymore, it was as if she did not even exist, Motunrayo stood before him smiling but the smile lacked that certain glow, this was not the normal and usual radiant Motunrayo he knew, he was concerned, But not one to interfere in the affairs of any couple, a married couple for that matter, Niyi kept his questions to himself.

Swiftly, Motunrayo trailed over to her mat, signaling for Niyi to follow her, he obliged, seating himself next to his friend. Just about to start the gist, the door opened and Akin entered the hut.

A Perplex Mind

2009-05-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

Bunked so many classes this week it's amazing, can't seem to able to learn anything there, I prefer independant studies quite frankly. The town library is now my new kitchen, where I chow down on as many textbooks as I can in preperation for the nearcoming examinations, wish me blessings, it aint luck I'm after.

Don't you hate it when people are so paranoid? You don't call them for like one minute and then they switch on your, conclude that you don't care about them, I need spaaaacccce. Love hate relationships seem to be attracted to me, like a powerful magnetic force, I love him but I hate him at the same time, another thing that seems to be attracted to me, the force of confusion. I need help.

So I created one thread on nairaland where I posted audio clips of me reading my stories, it actually made itself onto the front page and since then, blog traffic has been booming!

Another thing that has been booming? My hormones! Won't go into much detail about that but I'm sure you get the drift *wink wink*.

Sucks...

2009-05-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

...being me at the moment. Stress isn't even the word, I need to come up with something even more advanced because I really feel like shaving my head now (yeah, that bad). It's a mixture, as in, not neccesarily just school and the likes but other things too, uneccesary things in fact and I'm stuck in the middle. Boohoo.

Pastor Loses Wife To Richer Pastor

2009-05-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

A pastor with the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), Israel Kehinde Ajayi, 40, has lost his wife, former Miss Anita Uzowuru, to pastor Godwin Mbamara of Rehoboth Covenant Bible Church, Olorunsogo, Mushin, Lagos.

P.M.NEWS learnt that the Kabba, Kogi State-born Ajayi and Anita, a nurse from Umudike Mbano, Imo state, were joined at the Federal Marriage Registry, Ikoyi, Lagos, on 15 February, 2008. Without the dissolution of the marriage with Ajayi, Anita again signed the dotted lines on Saturday, at 25/27, Olusoga Street, Mushin, when Rehoboth Bible Church organised a wedding for her and pastor Mbamara.

In an interview with P.M.NEWS, Ajayi said: “Anita said she cannot marry a wretched pastor like me who has no car. I understand the pastor she ran to owns a car. What made our relationship go sour was that Anita wanted us to travel overseas where she can practice as a nurse, whereas I insisted that she should have a child for me before we travelled.”

Ajayi said family friends informed him of Anita’s secret engagement to one pastor Mbamara, whom she actually married in Mushin, on 25 April. But at the last minute, the venue was changed from End-Time Army Church, Mushin, to 25/27, Olusoga Street, Mushin. Contacted before the Saturday marriage, Anita admitted she went to Ikoyi Marriage Registry with Ajayi in error because it was part of his condition to assist her to travel to London. But when he could not fulfil his part of the arrangement, she decided to forget about him.

“He told me I have to claim to be his wife so that he could take me to the embassy and introduce me to leaders of the RCCG. I tried as much as possible to satisfy his conditions to be able to embark on the overseas journey. “At a stage, he was extorting money from me. I cannot now remember how much he collected from me, but it could be up to N100,000. I deserted him when he was about to milk me dry and, of course, the travel plan failed,” Anita explained.

Rev. (Dr.) David Adetiloye, Senior Pastor of End-Time Army Church, who facilitated the meeting with Anita in his church, was not present during the interview. But she was accompanied by her pastor, Rev. Peter Daniel, who told P.M.NEWS that Anita regretted her mistake going into the relationship with Ajayi. P.M.NEWS, last Saturday, witnessed the wedding between Anita and pastor Godwin Mbamara, at the new venue. The hall was filled to capacity. The marriage was contracted by officials of Rehoboth Covenant Bible Church, led by Rev. Peter Daniel.

Evangelist Olu Olatinwo charged the couple with the theme: Sacrifice Of Love, quoting John 3:16 in an exhortation that received loud ovation from the sizeable audience. With just three items to fulfil the order of the wedding service, Rev. Peter Daniel fished out P.M.NEWS reporter from among the audience and handed him over to the policemen at the venue. The policemen intimidated, harassed and assaulted him. They seized his bag, searched him and after creating a rowdy scene at the front of the hall for about 30 minutes, arrested and took him to Area D Police Headquarters, Mushin.

At the station, the reporter managed to send a phone call to his editor who contacted the Police Public Relation Officer (PPRO), Frank Mba, who intervened and the reporter was promptly released. Our reporter was let off the hook after one of the Uzowurus (Anita’s family) entered a ‘report’ into the police station diary that he was in the police station to report ‘an intruder’ at his niece’s wedding. The address and other particulars of the reporter were also recorded.

Naija women too like money :D

http://news.onlinenigeria.com/templates/?a=2530&z=12

Voice Recording Meme

2009-04-29T14:24:00.000-07:00

Sorry o, I've been very busy! Here is my meme!

CB's Meme Voice Recording

Party Dey O

2009-04-26T07:32:00.000-07:00

House party/rave yesterday night.

Loud Music.

Dancing. (A bit too raunchy)

Darkness EVERYWHERE! (Swear down swear down)

Drinks.

Food.

Fine girls.

Fine boys.

Pictures.

Cleavage.

Booty.

Ogling Boys.

Chasing. (Haba, na by force?)

Waist Grabbing. (You see how guys will slyly just appear from nowhere and then you suddenly feel one presence descending on your backside)

Bumping.

Grinding.

Pure Jokes.

One random Chinese boy. (Huh?)

A wise teenage girl once said 'swagger doesn't mean matching your trainer laces with your shirt'.

Must EVERY picture get on to facebook? Mehn.

Ps, I said I'd post the meme on this post but I've actually done a voice recording for it so that'll be my next post, promise.

Ok, off to church now. (Where's my bible?)

Too Deep In The Spirit?

2009-04-24T23:52:00.000-07:00

I find it incredibly annoying when people are tooooo spiritual. As much as one ought to be ‘correct’ in their faith, close to their God etc excitement takes them a bit over the top from time to time. My mum is all too fond of this, even to the point where you sometimes can’t even have simple conversations with her without her bringing the Holy Spirit into it, everything must be linked to religion, religion and more religion. Her intimacy with God is truly a wonderful thing, don’t get me wrong, but when we are talking in the ‘physical’, sometimes the constant links to the Holy Spirit etc are not necessary.

For instance, I was at my cousin’s house, all of them are quite old, as in their ages range from 23-31, we were shocked when K (the 31 year old) said that he was 31, he looked much younger, my parents then started talking about marriage to him and asking when he plans to get hitched and what not. Then the topic of discussion turned to O (one of the daughters, she was not among us at the time) and when she would get married. They started talking in Yoruba and there were a few things I was not able to pick up. I then asked my mum later on if O had gotten a fiancé yet.

Me: Mummy, has O gotten a fiancé yet?

Mum: Yes, by the Grace of God.

Me: No I mean has anybody actually seen him before?

Mum: We will all see him soon, in Jesus name.

Me: Yeah I know that, amen and all but I’m talking in earthly terms here, is there actually any physical evidence of him? I mean, has O even met him yet?

Mum: By the Grace of God.

Me: Sigh.

That’s just a summary of what happened, by this time I was fed up with trying to bring her down to earth. Don’t get me wrong o, indeed by the grace of God and in Jesus name, O will get the husband she desires, but for goodness sake…

Tagged by the sweet Rambling Naija Babe for a meme, that will be my next post ;)

Amebo Radio: Nigerian Criminal Gang Members Arrested

2009-04-23T09:27:00.000-07:00

This is CB reporting live on Amebo Radio news report station where we have just received out braking information on the arrest of two notorious criminals who are part of a disreputable gang roaming the streets of Nigeria and on occasions, Ghana.

These group of people are a terrible and dangerous threat to the African society, the sooner they are caught, the better. The two captured members are currently being detained by the police force and will await their trials. The two detained have been named as one Monalisa Chinda and Uche Ogbodo, both regular abusers of the ‘Stop Putting on That Stupid American Accent’ law which came into act in 1997 in Nollywood set by Nollywood's government leaders.

Such breeches of law will earn both detained a befittingly deserved punishment so as to penalize the them for their unlawful felonies. The police are aware that a number of members of the notorious gang are still on the loose and still creating havoc for the very innocent Nollywood movie viewers who are traumatized after viewing and hearing such poor pronunciation and treatment of words.

A number of suspects are said to go by the names of Stephanie Okereke, Nadia Buari, Pat Attah, Tonto Dike and Jim Iyke who police investigations have come to find may be the ring leader who’s phonetic offences proved so ghastly, an old woman ended up in hospital with severe ear burn after watching one of his latest movies, ‘Dream Maker’. The old woman's family have said to have filed a law suit against the directors of the film. Our sympathy goes out to her.

A reward of a life time supply of agege bread is said to be available for whoever is able to assist police with any information leading to the arrest of the remaining members of the criminal gang, plus 2 bottles of cold stout if the ring leader is caught.

Thank you for listening to Amebo Radio’s latest news report.

Next week’s topic of discussion, ‘The Trials and Tribulations of a Nollywood Actresses Weave’

The Virgin Whore

2009-04-22T14:34:00.000-07:00

There was a quote about this, something about men wanting a virgin whore, I can't find the damn quote (google you fall my hand o). You know how 'cool intellectual' quotes somehow make a blog look more, well cool, especially when italicced.

I strongly believe that whoever came up with that quote is someone who knows me very well, either that or I have a creative stalker, whichever. The point I'm getting at is that I could go on and on about how I refuse to lose my virginity until I get married, argue endlessly in debates over the topic, shit, I even have a book coming out about it, I kid I kid but the constant circle of thoughts within my mind are a complete contrast to my rants. I can honestly hold my head up high and say that I think about sex daily, it's like an everlasting drug (body no be wood biko). Heck, I probably know a damn load more about the thing than those who have indulged in the popping of cherries and yet, I may sometimes come across as a clueless virgin, sometimes.

I must sound confused. Do I sound confused?

I am an observer, skilled if I might say so myself, seeing but never actually doing, not until the 'right' time anyway.

The Examiner

2009-04-21T03:38:00.000-07:00

I was thinking, about examinations etc, not neccesarily about the process of actually studying for them and then taking the exam (although obviously such processes play a major role, duh), but the process of actually marking the papers.

I know for a fact that many examiners actually take the piss when marking some papers, not that they necessarily have anything against the person who wrote the paper (although this can sometimes be the case) but maybe they’re just being lazy about it, or were ‘abit tired’ that day, poor them.

Such takers of piss seem to not get the fact that they actually have somebody’s life in their hands, literally, as in say for example Obinna had just written his exam, prepartions for this paper caused many sleepless nights, high amount of stress and a big fat bucket of sweat and blood, the grade he gets for the exam determines his future, his bloody future and poor old Mr Whatever can’t be bothered to mark the paper properly, or maybe Obinna is dating Mishope who happens to be in Mr Whatever’s Mathematics class.

Mr Whatever is dying for this babe but she refuses to accept his pervy proposals, how dare she, He now inconsiderately takes out his bitterness on none other than Obinna, that should do the trick!

Twat.

It’s not even the case that I’m upset with things like this, it’s more of a feeling of annoyance that some people could be so selfish as to jeopardise somebody’s future and based on the most flimsy and pathetic excuses. Like seriously are there not enough willing prostitutes out there for you to linger on to rather than the disturbing the peace of the Obinna’s and Mishope’s of this world.

Yeah I have exams coming up.

Sugar Kini Kan

2009-04-20T17:21:00.000-07:00

Approached by one 'Sugar Daddy', have they no shame? One old rickety thing like that.

CB is walking innocently down the street.

A car pulls up.

CB is like ok.

Man old enough to be her dad sticks his head out of the window. (Agbaya!)

CB carries on walking.

Old thing trails CB with his car.

CB stops and stares.

Old thing tells CB that he has seen her a few times in this area and gives the usual crap of wanting to get to know her. (Tell that to the goats son)

CB is cracking up in her head but keeps a straight face, just managing to say 'Urrgh'.

Old thing asks CB for her number and even has the cheek to bring out his phone.

CB acting like a retard is still standing there saying 'Urrgh'.

Old thing is smiling.

CB tells Old thing that she needs to go somewhere and runs. (Run ke)

CB is now saying 'Chineke'.

Not The Same

2009-04-19T13:22:00.001-07:00

Really drifting away from this guy.

Things just aren't working for me.

Don't want him to get angry when I eventually set him straight.

Last time was a disaster.

Things were said and done that were regretted later on, figures.

But a girl's gotta do what she gotta do.

I'm talking in riddles, I know.

Naija Music And Taggings!

2009-04-15T12:43:00.000-07:00

Naija music in general is really impressing me and I have no doubt will continue to do so, massively massive transformations occuring. The past times of Danfo Drivers, Tony Tetuila and Eedris kini kan have long expired, amusing times but like they say, the most constant thing in life is change.

Even the music videos sef, some of them, great improvements, especially compared to the past common use of powerpoint features (you kidding me?). Naija, carrying on with the stepping up of the game o, I salute you.

Tagged by the lovely Cidersweet

The rules;*use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.*they have to be real....nothing made up! if the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers.*you cannot use any word twice and you cant use your name for the boy/girl question.*dont google youranswers.*make it as interesting and fun as you can.

1. What is your name: Cappuccine

2. A four letter word: Cake

3. A boy's name: Chris

4. A girl's name: Chi Chi

5. An occupation: Carpenter

6. A color: Cream

7. Something you'll wear: Clothes (Hehehe)

8. A food: Carrots

9. Something found in the bathroom: Cream

10. A place: China

11. A reason for being late: Caught up in traffic

12. Something you'd shout: Chai

13. A movie title: Catch me if you can

14. Something you'd drink: Cappuccino!

15. A musical group: Coldplay

16. An animal: Chicken

17. A street name: Ching Chang Chong Street

18. A type of car: Citron

19. The title of a song: Cherry Lips

I tag BSNC, Danny, Roc, MissFlyHigh and MissLove

That Thing Called Marriage

2009-04-15T02:22:00.000-07:00

So attitudes towards marriage have definitely changed, like you didn't know. Back in the days, it was all about graduating and then the race towards finding that perfect husband begins, ready, set go! Against some mean competitors I must say.

Such races still occur but not as much, catching my drift? As in women are now more focused on careers, the sultrybusiness suit and oversized handbags have long overidden the famous diamond wedding ring and the big yummy cake. Some don’t even want to get married, the mere mention of it throws them into some of the biggest rants known to mankind.

What was that words again? Yeah, cohabitation seems to be newest fad of the modern times, I guess it’s just a personal thing. A friend of mine said she did not want to get married, fair enough, her excuse was that ‘it’s too expensive’, swear to God I laughed for a whole week.

Maybe she's just too old fashioned, or maybe it’s just the fact that growing up, past and current, my mother made it part of her duty to drum the whole marriage thing into my head, where’s the panadol when you need it? Especially coming from a Nigerian home, I swear, a woman past thirty and still unmarried must hold onto any man that comes her way, expired milk is a popular term. Folks really need to wake up and smell the coffee, biko.

I want to get married, no shit, I just believe in terms of the future, I will pursue my career before jumping into the marriage wagon, can’t always just depend on a man, no offence dudes, I love you but....

Though the only way I’ll get a chance to...crude word approaching...fuck is if I get married, yours truly is a ‘no sex before marriage kind of lass’.

Laughing my frigging ass off.

'True Love'

2009-04-14T03:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday whilst braiding my hair (such a long time), tuned into my usual 'Nollywood mode' where my eyes were fixated on nothing else but the screen before me. Interesting film, unsuprisingly a love flick, gratefully not starring Desmond Eliott and/or Ramsey Noah, we give God the glory (Sorry, but their faces are just becoming too frequent).

Basically guy and girl in love in village, guy leaves for youth service, girl promises to wait but doesn't, youth service guy comes back and finds out the chick has dumped his ass, guy is 'mourning', guy now 'hates' women, friend of guy persuades guy to 'get over it already' and find a new babe, guy is reluctant but finds new babe, new bitch oops I mean babe is a golddigger (yeah, guy is rich now), guy loves new babe but wants to find out if new babe loves him or his thick pockets, guy pulls 'trick' pretending to lose job, house etc, new babe leaves (gosh, too easy) but new babe has friend who is nice, new babe's friend comforts 'poor' guy when he 'needs it most' (basically friend aint no golddigger), guy realises this and falls for new babe's friend vice versa, new babe (the ex now) finds another mugu to leech onto, new babe is actually mugu because new guy is actually a 419er, new babe does not know (hehehehehehe), 419er gets caught, new babe is all 'egba mi o' (nah, film wasn't yoruba just added that in for extra effect, sue me), first girl that left youth service guy appears, hubby has been mistreating her, left her with baby for another woman, husbandless girl now living in village with baby, youth service guy just suddenly out of the blue 'bumps into her' (nollywood eh), asks her why she left him, she says nothing, he has forgiven her but too bad now he has his own chick. other guy with new babe's friend tells new babe's friend about his 'trick', new babe's friend faints and they live 'happily ever after'.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY. (Teehee)

Sooo, guys and girls, would you do such a thing to find your so called 'true love'? Doesn't need to be exactly what youth guy did but maybe something along such lines (guy pretends to be poor/ girl pretends to be pregnant etc etc).

I guess some people have just got to do what they've got to do, finding good partner, e no easy o.

Ps, any 'Motunrayo' fans out there? My imagination seems to have gone on a lil' vacation, will be back soon, hopefully.

Insert Post Title Here

2009-04-11T04:43:00.000-07:00

I sometimes look back and think of all the stupid things I've done in the past and think to myself, 'shit', like not even in a cringey way, but the sort of way that makes you realise how much more of an idiot you are. I've put myself through alot and so uneccesarily, I'm like the foolish rebel, if that even makes sense.

Ok, now I'm off to go and eat suya.

Motunrayo (Part 3)

2009-04-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

The next night, whilst laying on her mat, Akin was busy sulking outside by the side of the hut, distraught by the death of his baby and angry at his wife. He had concluded that it was Motunrayo’s plan all along to get him angry so that he would beat her and by doing so, kill the child. Without a baby in her stomach, she would have an excellent opportunity to run, not only from him but the village. He became even more livid at the end of his conclusion, what a ‘clever’ and devious girl she was.

Akin entered his hut, making his way towards Motunrayo who appeared to be deep in sleep. He lay beside her and tapped her gently on the shoulder. Refusing to wake up, he tapped her continuously until she finally lifted herself.

Annoyed at the disruption, she asked him if he knew what time it was and warned him to leave her alone, laying her head back down on the mat whilst doing so. Akin told her to get up and that he wanted to make love to her as to make up for the loss of the baby. Up and alert by his request, Motunrayo pleaded with him to leave her alone.

Akin told her that he could not do such a thing, that in order to consummate the marriage, they must sleep together. She reminded him that he had already slept with her before and without her consent, her persistent pleads did not seem to get through to him.

Akin also reminded her that he was her husband and that it was his right to sleep with her. He told her that he did not want to hurt her. Motunrayo knew she would not be able to stand against him, forced to oblige, she gave in and he made love to her.

A few months down the line, Motunrayo found out she was pregnant, Akin was overjoyed.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Motunrayo (Part 2)

2009-04-03T06:42:00.000-07:00

Motunrayo knew no joy ever since that fateful day. After much taunting and pleading from her parents, she was forced to marry Akin. Though aware of her unfortunate ordeal, they still insisted on her marrying him. She was pregnant and that was all there was to it, it was also made intensively clear that the secret of her rape was to remain undisclosed at all costs, as if it did not, such an event would bring great shame onto the family name and Baba Motunrayo refused to allow his name be rubbed into the dirt.

Motunrayo was absolutely devastated at the lack of sympathy her family showed, annoyed at both their ignorance and unfairness. Her family had betrayed her.

Akin knew that his plan would work. It came as no surprise when he was called by the Adeyemo’s to collect his wife, he was delighted. The people of Ojo Village were stunned at the sudden marriage announcement, it did not seem like innocent Motunrayo to go for such a person to settle down with, little did they know.

On numerous occasions, Akin had tried to get her to understand his intentions but Motunrayo refused to hear. She did not see him as a husband but rather, a monster, but 4 months pregnant and carrying his child, she had no other choice. Akin provided for her to the best of his abilities, he was not necessarily a bad man but like many, contained habits that needed to be controlled, especially when it came to Motunrayo.

There was never a day without an argument, whether small or big, Akin and Motunrayo had always managed to quarrel. Her sharp tongue and lack of respect for him angered him to no bound. Akin had always restrained himself from beating her as he did not want to harm his baby, that is, until one day, Motunrayo stretched him beyond his limits. He beat her severely causing her to lose the baby.

Akin was devastated and blamed Motunrayo for the death of the baby.

The next night, whilst laying on her mat….

…TO BE CONTINUED.

Motunrayo (Part 1)

2009-04-02T14:56:00.000-07:00

Akin was a very strong man, young but fearless. He possessed the strength of a lion and the wisdom of an owl. As much as Akin was tough he was also very stubborn and quick to anger. He had once killed a snake with his bare hands. He seemed to always get his way.

Akin lived alone in a hut left to him by his late parents in the village where he was brought up. Left as an only child to fend for himself, he was used to being alone. He very much preferred it that way. Tall and very handsome, adored by many girls in the village he was. But to the elders, Akin was as an outcast, both his parents had died mysterious deaths and that was enough to cause the ignorant minds of the villagers into believing that he was the cause. Foolish people he thought.

One day, whilst eating kolanut by the side of his hut, Akin spotted a girl walking through the bushes, she was carrying a bucket, probably to fetch water he thought. He recognized her instantly, that long hair, that body, that beautiful face, it was Motunrayo. He had lusted after this girl ever since the day he laid his eyes on her but the she had rejected him the many times he had attempted to woo her.

He wanted her as his wife but refused to plead with her. He believed that men should never have to beg , especially a woman. Akin stood up and followed her.

After fetching the water, Motunrayo , tired and hot laid down next to the stream, she wanted to relax before making her way back home to prepare her family’s meal. Suddenly, Akin appeared in front of her, shocked by the sudden intruder, Motunrayo briskly stood to her feet. She recognized Akin immediately and wondered what he was doing.

Akin greeted her and asked how she was, she replied him but her failure to return the question annoyed him. Motunrayo lifted her bucket when he asked her when she was planning to finally accept his andproposal adding that her that her stubbornness was getting too much.

She ignored his comment told him that she did not plan on marrying him. When he asked her why, she shrugged her shoulders and adjusted her oshuka. Akin could not stand anymore rejection from her, her refusal to oblige angered him. Aware of his mood, Motunrayo carefully laid it the bucket on her oshuka and began to walk away but he pushed her down causing the bucket to fall. Akin tore off her wrapper and raped her, her cries were hushed by the sound of the noisy stream.

Akin believed that this was the only way for them to be together. If he succeeded in getting her pregnant, knowing the shame it would bring to her entire family if she gave birth out of wedlock, her family would be forced to hand her over to him in marriage, it was the only way.

TO BE CONTINUED.

How Annoying

2009-03-31T03:42:00.000-07:00

I am utterly disgusted with a new law that will make it illegal for women to refuse their husbands sex, leave the house without their husband’s permission and can only seek work, education or visit the doctor with their husbands' permission.

This act of idiocy and complete ignorance will take part in none other than Afghanistan. In my opinion, there is no other person that could come up with such rules asides a lunatic, medical help is indeed needed for such fools and I’m guessing that those coming up with such bullshit are men, lucky for them they don’t need to consult their husbands before going to visit a psychiatrist, I guess that’s one positive thing to say.

This is obviously just a sly way to legalize marital rape. I’m amazed but then again, that doesn’t neccessarily mean I’m surprised, typical. Plus to think that someone is using such a law to boost his votes for an election.

(P.s This isn't a rant at men, I love you guys and know you are not all like this teeheehee)

Hamid Karzai has been accused of trying to win votes in Afghanistan's presidential election by backing a law the UN says legalises rape within marriage and bans wives from stepping outside their homes without their husbands' permission.
The Afghan president signed the law earlier this month, despite condemnation by human rights activists and some MPs that it flouts the constitution's equal rights provisions.

Jon Boone reveals Afghanistan's new law denying women's rights Link to this audio
The final document has not been published, but the law is believed to contain articles that rule women cannot leave the house without their husbands' permission, that they can only seek work, education or visit the doctor with their husbands' permission, and that they cannot refuse their husband sex.

A briefing document prepared by the United Nations Development Fund for Women also warns that the law grants custody of children to fathers and grandfathers only.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/mar/31/hamid-karzai-afghanistan-law

The Nation's Favourite Fruit

2009-03-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

“Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous mind.”

Na so?

My 8 year old brother asked me what a boner is...Awkward. I told him it's a type of fruit, close enough. Thought he had fallen for it but then a little bird told me that he had gone to get a more 'advanced' definition from none other than parents. 'Boner' is a more slangificated way of saying erection alie? My parents obviously aren't in with the 'modern cool' enough for them to actually understand what he meant. We thank God.

Random....

This coming saturday, some friends have prepared a suprise birthday for a friend and the theme will be 'African Swagger' (This swagger word is being thrown around too much nowadays haba, I know I'm guilty sha), they were taking the piss out of me telling me I should not turn up in head tie and sandals, you know, the bush kind....oloshious.

Gotta love them gladiator sandals *Big Grin*

Social Deviances Gasp

2009-03-28T04:42:00.000-07:00

DEVIANCE is defined as any behaviour that violates or goes against social norms.

If a behaviour causes people to stare or feel disgusted it indicates that the behaviour is breaking a social norm.

I was thinking, you know those places that you know that you are not supposed to enter, e.g say a teacher's staff room where every student is forbidden from entering. Wouldn't it be quite funny if say during school lunch or break time, I went and just randomly walked into and sat with my legs up in the staffroom with a sandwhich or something, amongst the teachers like it was nothing, hehehe, what would be their responses?

Funny social deviances:

1. Scenario: You are on the bus, seated next a stranger, someone you have never seen or met before, the stranger is eating a bag of chips, you reach over, take one of his/her chips, eat it, act like nothing happened and stare on.

2. Scenario: You're in the church, mosque or whatever, everyone is silent as the pastor is praying, everyone's head bent down, eyes closed and then you burp, LOUDLY and LONG even though you knew you could hold it in, you then bend your head back down and carry on with the prayer.

3. Scenario: Picking your nose, flicking the 'treasure' you found into the air and laughing during an important job interview.

4. Scenario: You are a female english teacher at an all boys secondary school. The weather is extremely hot, you go to work in hot pants and a bikini top.

5. Scenario: You get to meet Obama face to face, upon greeting him rather than being normal greeting him with a handshake you squeeze his left butt cheek and act like nothing happened. (Lol, ok, I got a bit excited with this one :D)

Hehehe, I have more but I wouldn'r want to disgust you folks any further.

So there's this girl band from the east in Nigeria, not bad not bad at all. Infact, I have 3 favourites from their songs, 'Mu Na Gi', 'Dangerous' and 'Okpomekwe (Remix), their igbo sounds so so sweet. The only problem I have is their stage name, haba, why name yourselves 'Desperate Chicks'? I don't understand.

Here are some links for your delight:

Mu Na Gi
Dangerous
Okpomekwe (Remix)

Honest Scrap 'Meme' and Weird Fads

2009-03-27T10:48:00.000-07:00

Noticed a new 'fad' amongst many youths living in naija, especially Lagos. That checkered scarf that everyone seems to be wearing around, you know the one I'm on about? But why? Not that it doesn't look nice, but in the hot boiling sun? How many degrees again? Oma se o. I asked one paddy of mine about this new madness and he could not even provide an answer to my question, he was too busy laughing because he himself does it. Wonders shall never end.

Me: please, there is a VERY important question I wish to ask *confused emoticon*
Him: ask
Me: Concerning naija youths
Him: *confused emoticon*
Him: *confused emoticon*
Me: and this sudden rise of wearing scarves in the hot boiling sun
Me: Is it a new game?
Me: Who can sweat the most? *confused emoticon*
Him: *ROFLMAO emoticon*
Him: *ROFLMAO emoticon*
Him: *ROFLMAO emoticon*
Me: *confused emoticon*
Him: *ROFLMAO emoticon*

Yours truly has been tagged by the oh so lovely BSNC. Honest scrap meme, I think I need to be honest about myself or something?

11 honest things about me:
1. I am weird, like an indescribable weirdness that even me sef the holder of such 'weirdness' cannot even explain.

2. I love the smell of nail polish, drying paint, tipex etc damn it's like a drug, I could actually sniff it all day.

3. I am very impatient as in hate waiting for stuff, I want what I want right here and right now, don't get me wrong I'm not spoilt.

4. I love laughing, my sense of humour is totally out of this world.

5. Almost all my online friends don't believe me when I say this but I am actually VERY shy in real life, ok ok most of the time, it just depends who I'm with.

6. I've been told that I am very elusive when it comes to relationships.

7. I once went to school without wearing a bra out of pure laziness, at first I forgot to put one on, but then when I finally realised and even had the oportunity to put it on I really couldn't be bothered, needless to say it was like there was a party going on underneath my top, I learnt my lesson after the day.

8. To me, Yoruba is the most sexiest language that exists, followed by Hausa (Only started thinking that recently).

9. I dislike rain.

10. I don't like alcohol. (Don't understand this whole fad of going out to get drunk)

11. I think I'm in love.

So who do I tag? Solo, Maiden In Abuja, Danny (I doubt he'll do it again lol), ibiluv

Good or Bad?

2009-03-25T00:56:00.000-07:00

Is it a good idea to work with your spouse? I ask this because my current form tutor recently got married to my old maths teacher. At first, I was like, what on earth do they see in each other, as in to me they seem like the complete opposite to each other (please don’t give me that ‘opposite’s attract bullcrap’), but then I realised they do share a few common things personality wise, yes of course. They are both annoyingly annoying (does that make sense?) plus they both get the fudge on my nerves. But then again, I guess everyone deserves to be happy and thus I am putting away my grudges and wishing them a happy married life.

I came across this.

Pro:
The idea of working with your spouse is good in that it helps couples to understand their partners more. Working together would help couples to have more time to see each other thereby keeping the bond intact. If you work with your spouse, there would be no room for doubts and distrust which would make the relationship better and stronger. Couples would have more bonding together which would make them have more time to talk and help each other when the need arises.

I think it's a great idea working with your spouse. For one thing, you and your spouse will have more time together plus there is always time to talk about issues regarding work. If problems occur regarding work, then both of you could talk about it and give a solution to whatever that problem is. Working together would help both spouse to understand more about their partners as you will be working very closely together. It would be good for both of you as you will be exchanging ideas that would help you both grow and have better achievements in work as well as your relationship as husband and wife.

Anti:
No matter how much you love your spouse, there are many reasons that working together is not a good idea. There's no one who can better explain the reasons than an employee at a company owned by a husband and wife team! All the good intentions in the world cannot prevent the stress that occurs when a husband and wife work together, most of which gets transferred along to the rest of the company. Owning and operating a company should never be about personal relations. With a spouse on board, it is simply unavoidable that the personal and professional will mix, and when things go badly, a new dimension of tension gets added to the fray. The best way to support a spouse is to do it from the sidelines.

Among several problems thar arise when a husband and wife work together is: Who's in command? Even when one spouse is clearly the boss, and the other the worker, simply from the nature of the relationship, this can never be a traditional work relationship. The spouse/employee always has a privileged access to the boss and a superior status to the other workers, who can never work around that relationship. If the employee spouse says something contrary to the boss spouse, workers are unsure whom to follow. Who really has power? In fact, both do, even when one spouse is the boss, and the other is not.

When two spouses work together and have conflicts, the personal invades the workspace. Nothing is worse for the workplace environment that two feuding spouses. It's the equivalent of "mom and dad fighting" as one worker expressed it. The couple is stressed, and the rest of the company's employees are forced to walk on egg shells until the conflict is resolved. When things are finally smoothed over, the company employees may not even realize it.

Day-to-day workplace gossip reaches new heights when a couple runs a business. Every personal tidbit becomes fodder for the gossip mill. Employees don't know how to approach the couple in a comfortable way. Each spouse must decide how much or how little to share that their own spouse may not want the employees to know. Revealed information cannot be taken back, and secrets revealed may lead to additional conflict.

I think, no wait, I KNOW I agree with the anti response, so what’s your take on this?

Religion And Older Men

2009-03-24T04:41:00.000-07:00

My second post for today, currently in class and bored, yes I've completed my work.

So I think I’m back to blogging like eveyday, for now anyway, I guess it’s sort of like weed, you get high off it but then it starts to wear off. I don’t smoke igbo (weed) gbeborun’s, it aint where the 'cool's' at.

Trying to find myself when it comes to religion. As much as I go to church, conventions etc. I just realised that I am only in this religion (Christianity) because of my upbringing, parents etc, not that I have taken it upon myself to actually read upon and understand it myself.

So that’s exactly what I’m going to do, soon. I don’t even have my own bible anymore, MY OWN. My mum found herself when she was young, she was brought up as muslim because of her father as most typical northerners would do, yet at the same time, read the bible, she was interested in Christianity and soon enough she converted, not just because of the influence of my dad when she met him but because she believed in it and understood and now she values it.

Many people really need to ask themselves, do they really understand/believe in their religion? Or Is it just another case of mummy and daddy taking us to church, mosque etc when we were children and so then we just shrugged and went along with it without actually knowing what we were getting ourselves into.

Ok enough of the religion talk.

Ladies, what do you think about dating older guys, I mean OOOOLLLLDDDDEEEERRRR guys. At first, I was kind of iffy about such large gaps but now…

…Hmmmmm.

Olodo International

2009-03-24T01:16:00.000-07:00

I feel that I should continue on with my 'JP' stories but it seems as though paddy mi omo laziness has had a huge impact on your's truly, or did I mention that already in my previous post?

Oh by the way, I didn't mention this before but before actually typing them up onto blogger, I would usually hand write some of the parts to the story, those who have read them know there is a section where I added a bit of boolala just for the maggi cube effect, this was ages ago but I hand write that part first before typing it up and cappuccinebaby with her good head went and left the paper on the ironing board at home for like 5 minutes.

My dad saw it when I had popped downstairs, must have thought it was a school assignment or something and went along to read it.

Now you get the title of my post?

See my life o.

Mrs Ikebe And The Ex

2009-03-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

Sorry readers, been so lazy, remember the days when I used to blog every single day, infact, sometimes even two posts a day, ndo o, ndo! So what has been happening? I have this sort of infatuation for big bottoms, or as they say, ‘Idi nla’, 'Azuka’ ectera ectera, oh please, I’m not gay or whatever word you want to come up with, I just seem to stare intently whenever I see a big yansh in a sort of ‘wooooow’ entrancement, like you’re carrying your own mini person on your back.

Like for instance, yesterday, I was in church, can’t remember if it was during praise and worship or the preaching but one girl kept walking up and down the aisle and what caught me was not only her big yansh, but the way it moved under her skirt, like it was doing a dance of some sort, wibbly wobbly wibbly wobbly, up and down, round and round. A friend of mine noticed as well, a girl, we were totally gobsmacked, oh the many wonders of the human body.

Another thing, 2Face’s ‘new’ song, ok well it isn’t new anymore so I’ll say his ‘newest’ song. I really can’t stand it, ironic how his best video ended up being his worst song, in my opinion anyway.

One forum I often visit, there was this thread titled ‘Why Do Girls Fall For Sex Easily With Their Ex’. How true is that sha? As in, I was talking with one friend I have not seen In a while on the phone yesterday and the conversation turned to her ex, I’ve blogged about them at some point remember, I think the post was titled ‘Psycho’, you know, another one of those psychotic boyfriends who want to know your every move, threaten you, lock you in their house when you insist on leaving (in her case) and so on and so forth, you get the picture. So we were talking, apparently he’s always calling her and texting her, infact, during the process of us gisting, he text her about three times, she seemed annoyed and I asked her what he was texting, she then told me that he wanted her to come over to his house (he lives alone).

I laughed when she told me, telling her that he must be crazy and also as a joke, I asked her if she has been to his house since the breakup and she said yes. Ooook, I then asked her if she had slept with him since the breakup, she replied yes again. This girl is seriously digging her own grave sha, I asked her why and she told me ‘it just happened’, not even just once but on countless occasions, Oooook o! I don’t know o, their ‘relationship’ is plain crazy. Anyways sha, there’s that saying about the forbidden fruit tasting sweeter, or so they say, hmmph.

True Love

2009-03-05T13:55:00.001-08:00

Once upon a time a bird fell in love with a white rose. One day he (bird) proposed to her (white rose), but white rose refused. White rose said I don't love you. Bird daily came and proposed to her. Finally, white rose said when I will turn red, I will love you. One day bird came and cut his wings and spread his blood on the rose and the rose turned red. Then the rose realized how much bird loved her but it was too late because bird was dead. So respect the love and feelings of the person who loves you.

Who Likes To Play Games?

2009-02-16T15:05:00.001-08:00

On the phone, giggling away, the usual chit chatter. He tells me to play a game with him, I'm like huh? A game he says, what kind of game? I ask, he tells me not to worry that I should just follow his 'orders', so I'm like ok o.

He then asks me if I have access to a big mirror, one where I can see myself fully, by golly I do, so the game begins. Oh yes, I must also lock my room door he tells me, ok, done. Ok first I am to remove my top, I'm like what the? He's like, just do it, ok so I did it.

Top is removed, now my bottoms,then my bra, you know how the rest goes. Ok so I'm standing there like stark naked, ok hunny what next? He tells me to stand in front of the mirror, ok I'm doing that, now what? He now tells me 'that's it', I'm like huh? Then he bursts out laughing.

Chai, I have been fooled, of course I promise to get him back, he's just laughing his ass off. Naughty Boy.

Point of the game was to make the victim (me) feel stupid and damnnit he succeded.

In Trouble With 'The Guy'

2009-02-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

He doesn't really like me drinking coffee, I just can't seem to stay away from the stuff though. Another thing, you know those times when you promise to do something but you don't actually do it, yes, I've gotten myself in that kind of mess, oops.

Valentines Day My Ass, Literally

2009-02-14T10:32:00.000-08:00

For Nigerians, Lovers' Day is about money and sex. It is a grand ritual of deception. It is all about men and women looking for romantic dalliances; reckless dalliance of a thousand degrees, sex and more sex. Biology gone berserk. Valentine's Day 2009, in many Western capitals is being seen in relation to how lovers and couples will respond to the global economic pinch. Projections in many Western countries indicate a sharp drop in Valentine spending. Relationships could be threatened as lovers try to save costs. In Nigeria, I wager the bet that in Lagos where the Valentine craze is most felt, there'd be a near-commotion on the streets. In matters of sex, Nigerians are less circumspect.

http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/articles/reuben-abati/ah-god-whats-wrong-with-valentine.html

I Don't Like Rich Boys

2009-01-25T06:48:00.000-08:00

Lol, how wrong does that sound. I don't know why, but I have this thing for rough edge boys, you know, something like a village boy with potential. Not from the most wealthy background but obviously he would bring himself up sooner or later to a good financial standard. Yes o, all these silver spoon rich boys seem to wimpy for me jor, the rags to riches story is so damn sexy, dontcha think?

Mr. Moan

2009-01-16T14:58:00.000-08:00

No not moan in the sense that he complains alot, I mean moan in a sexual way, bleh. So I met this guy quite some time ago, I think I blogged about him at some point. Anyway sha, like the doofus that I am, I gave him my number even though I had no intentions of getting down with him whatsoever, foolish abi? Abeg, free me jor! Anyway sha, that was like last year, around september october ish, yeah.

Never picked his calls etc etc and then eventually, the heat went down, as in, I was not getting any calls or anything from him, phew! Some months down the line, december ish, I get one call from a private number, it's Mr. Moan, wow, is he serious? After so darn long, ehen, so the chit chatting begins, he asks me 'don't I ever pick my calls', I give some lame ass excuse about how my phone is this is that and Mr. Moan falls for it.

Suddenly, the conversation starts to get a bit heated, from his side of course. Dude starts asking me all sorts of questions like 'what do I like', 'what have I done?', you know, all that ishness. I'm a good girl *wink wink* so I can't really tell him anything, he's damn suprised, apparently, he thinks I'm lying, nah, I would't lie about something like that.

Then he hops onto his own 'escapades', what he likes, what he does etc, the convo was damn sexified at this point in time, I'm on the other end of the phone kind of like 'urrrgh', then suddenly whilst telling me all this, he starts breathing weird whilst talking, as in a moaning kind of breathing, I suspect he was even wanking himself sha, though I only concluded this at the end.

I cracked up, laughed my yansh off, well, not out loud of course. Suddenly he stops with the heavy breathing and then changes the subject, yup, dude was definately wanking, he starts telling me that 'you now know who I am now' that he does not want to hide anything blah blah blah, this is the real him etc, ok o jare. So he wants to meet up again, though I have made it crystal clear that I don't want a relationship etc, he says that he just wants to be my 'friend', this guy is 26 by the way, anyway sha, we'll see how it goes.

I got tagged on one '2 truths 1 lie' thing by my paddy Danny, here goes :)
1. I pierced the middle of my ear in the work toilets because I was bored
2. I own three pet cats
3. I'm allergic to peanuts

Now I'm supposed to tag six peeps
1. Solo
2. Aloof and Far
3. 9JA's OT (If he ever comes back :()
4. Danny (BUAHAHAHAH, YOU MUST DO IT AGAIN O!)
5. Diary Of An Ex Nerd
6. Taled and Tallies (If she ever comes back :()

This So Called 'African Timing'

2009-01-15T14:34:00.001-08:00

You dey mad? African timing ko, nonsense of the highest order. I can't stand it, seriously lol. When you are told to be at a certain place at a certain time, BE THERE at THAT TIME. You will ask them, why are you so late? 'Na african timing na', I will african time your mouth jor. They will tell you the event starts at 2, you will just be arriving at 8, you are just not serious.

One very annoying experience, it was a friend's birthday and a bunch of us were supposed to go on an outing. We'd all meet up at 11 and then leave at say 11.45. So the majority of us were at the spot at the picked time, between 11 and 11.45. The clock strikes, there is still one more person missing, fair enough, we'll wait till twelve, maybe there is traffic or something, no problem. 12 comes, we are still waiting, nawa o, so we called her up to ask where she was and when would she be arriving, can you imagine, the girl told us that she was just preparing to get into the bath, that we should wait for her. All I could do was laugh, I don't even know why I was laughing sha, I was so annoyed. Let's get serious people, this has to be the king of all existing annoying excuses, abeg, tell me something berra jor.

My 'Jealous Partner' story, I wrote like two more parts to it but then I went and lost it, sorry o.

New year new year, so far the best year for me was 2007, I loved it! Everything was going so well for me, everything! I hated 2008, not dislike, but hate, gosh I don't even know where to start, it was just 'unlikeable'. So far 2009 has not been anything special, I just thank God that I am still alive, you see if not for his grace...Let's just hope that 2009 will be great, let's just hope.

My Good Head

2009-01-09T10:19:00.000-08:00

Been quite some time, aint it?

Had one morbidly obese exam yesterday, smacked the questions hard and into two, I hope so anyway, results will be coming out in march. Oh yes and less I forget, happy new year! I missed you blogsville, really I did.

What do you do when you have a weird 26 year old sexaholic on your tail? This is not a rhetorical question o.

Quiz stolen from ibiluv :P

Where is your cell phone? With my bro

where is your significant other? In his house probably

Your hair color? Black

Your mother? Hausa

Your father? Yoruba

Your favourite thing? My baby!

Your dream last night? Can't remember sha

Your dream/goal? Become a succesful economist and get married to my dude

Your hobby? Sleeping, eating......

Your fear? God

Where do you want to be in 6 years? In my hubby's house

Where were you last night? At home

what you're not? Ionno jare

One of your wish list items? New phone

Where you grew up? UK

The last thing you did? Cough

Your pet? do rocks count?

Your computer? Pissing me off

Your mood? Hungry

Missing someone? YES!

Your summer? Mschew!

Love someone? God, Family, My dude, friends

Your favourite colour? Dunno

When is the last time you laughed? Some mintues ago

Last time you cried? Last year hehehehe

Are you genuine or fake? You tell me

Any vices? Procrastination

Pro life or wire hanger? Pro life

McCain or Obama? Is that a question?

Top 5 Music Lovelies

2008-12-12T01:07:00.000-08:00

1. Turnin' Heads - Dem Franchise Boys Ft Lloyd
2. Tom's Diner - Suzanne Vega
3. Lions, Tigers and Bears - Jazmine Sullivan
4. Decale Gwada - Jessy Matador
5. Serge Vegas Ft Teknikal & Trios - Jolene/Bad Girl

Boggled Mind

2008-12-10T03:08:00.000-08:00

I think I hurt someebody yesterday, he'll probably be reading this sha, well, all I gotta say is hmmmmmmmm, no means no jare. *fluttering eyelashes*

Been doing some serious crammin' lately, shit's been hurting my brain hard but I guess that's just what you've got to do if you want the golden grades, I cannot flop this.

So my dad wants us to organise our christmas, as in, us, the kids. I'm the oldest so I will be the one handling the money (hope he doesn't give me a budget). So basically I am to prepare everything that will happen on that day, excluding the cooking of course, that's all I'm saying o! Decorations, food etc, plus family will be coming over as usual. I just better be getting the present I requested for, hehehehe.

Two friends and I were having one girly 'chit chat' yesterday about boys, yeah how cliche. They were going on about 'who the fock do these guys think they are' and so on and so forth, how this one and that one focked them up and how they're so confused and 'why why why?!'.

One talking about her ex-ex who she apparently has no feelings for whatsoever (took her a year to get over him) were talking and told her of some small small girls that he 'used' and 'dumped', the unfortunate thing is that during him and the girls' time together he focked them, he was their first etc, they were so depressed etc etc (you know how the story goes), infact sha, one of them told him that he MUST stay with her as he had taken her virginity, he then went away to friends and told them where they 'laughed their asses off', oh dear.

My friend is too smart to fall for such bullshit and I thank God she didn't. Another one, he is giving out mixed signals, as in one minute he is professing his love for her, another time he is blanking her etc etc. I just sat there shaking my head, for shame o, I can never fall for such crap, I learn from other people's mistakes, not my own, they told me 'I'm lucky I've never experienced of that shit before' and so it shall continue that way! Mstewww!

College Link Up

2008-12-09T03:00:00.000-08:00

50 Colleges
50 Students From Each College
2500 Students
Secret Location
Drugs, Sex and Alcohol (Hahahahaha)
Dress To Impress
Invite Only

I have been invited, should I go or shouldn't I? That is the question.

So there is this party that takes place every year at the end of the year where horny youths (excluding me off course) get together for a kind of 'link up', nobody actually knows where the location is, on the night, you go to a specific place where you are picked up by a bus and taken to the 'secret location', I think it's better that way as I know many people will want to gatecrash, they probably will but there are gonna have to put a lot of time and effort into finding this place and actually getting there, I wouldn't put it past them.

Only 50 students from each college can go (oh please, am sure if I go I will be seeing grown men there, students ko) and there is a list, it may be to do with students but no teachers are involved o, don't get it twisted. Anyways sha, one friend of mine is the one that was to create a list for my college and I found out that I am in it. Sounds exciting but dangerous at the same time, I'll give it a think sha.

Jos Madness

2008-12-03T14:58:00.000-08:00

Senselessness now currently taking place in Jos, innocnet lives lost, homes destroyed and for what? The level of violence is atrocious, I just pray for comfort over the many people who have lost their loved ones in the pointless riot. Nigeria, Nigeria, why do we do this to ourselves?

Sectarian violence has flared before in Jos, where the Muslim and Christian communities live in close proximity. Street fighting there in 2001 killed hundreds of people.

The latest violence began early Friday after local elections in which the mainly Christian People's Democratic Party defeated the predominantly Muslim All Nigeria People's Party.

Office-holders in Nigeria often control the awarding of government jobs and contracts, making such positions highly contested.

Plateau state lies in Nigeria's "middle belt" region that separates the country's predominantly Muslim north from the mainly Christian south.

Why I Hate You

2008-12-02T02:24:00.000-08:00

My mood has been spoilt. Already? Are you actually kidding me? Annoying librarian, I don't only dislike her, I hate her. Spewing her usual drabble as soon as I entered to do some work, conclusion jumping as usual, if one person talks, everybody else was talking, 'obviously', talk about ignorance, how about we get the facts before we start the blaming? She is the perfect example of a professional stirer of shit, obviously she gets her kicks from it, everybody has their hobby's I guess.

So I thought, I'm not taking this crap today, bullshit, so I talked back, like, I actually gave it to her, sarcasm is my forteit, gotta love it. No adult likes to be made to look stupid, especially by a little girl who is like a hundred years younger than you.

I got kicked out along with a few other people and she took my name but I don't really care, besides, when she asked for my name, I said it, I didn't write it and I doubt she'll be able to remember my 'Nigerianized' name, must have sounded like Arabic to her.

Jealous Partner Part 8

2008-12-01T11:31:00.001-08:00

The rest of part 7 is in this but I can't be bothered to seperate it so I guess we'll just call this part 8, enjoy and ignore the numerous mistakes which I am too lazy to correct, hehehehe :P

‘Won’t you put on your gen?’ Funke asked, she did not really like being in the dark, plus she hated not being able to see properly, still resting on Yinka, his strong toned arms wrapped around her, she tapped his knee, ‘Yinka, on your gen na’.

He was reluctant, ‘Why baby?’ he replied, ‘Or are you scared?’, ‘Scared ko’ she answered, tugging at his trousers, she pushed her back towards him even more causing her yansh to collide with his crotch. Suddenly, she felt a slight jab at her back, something had sprung, a hard jab, ‘cheii’ she thought, she knew exactly what it was but pretended as though she was totally oblivious, Yinka gripped her waist and pulled her in further to him making sure that her yansh was totally pressed on his lap. ‘Baby...’ he whispered, she knew what he wanted, she would definitely not give in this time, haba.

She could still feel the jab, ‘What’s that?’ she asked, the act was too obvious, Yinka knew his babe too well, ‘As if you don’t know’ he hissed, ‘Mi o mo (I don’t know)’ she faked, ‘Ehn? Really?’, Yinka gripped even tighter onto her waist, ‘ Ok o, let me show you’, she jumped up from his lap, promptly, ‘Show me wetin?’, walking in the opposite direction, she could not see a thing and kept on bumping into things, ‘Hah, Yinka, on your gen na’, her leg struck something hard causing her to fall on her knees, groaning and rubbing her legs to lessen the pain, she scrambled up swiftly to her feet, dusting herself off, all the while, Yinka was staring at her, shaking his head, ‘Funk, you are too clumsy’, laughing like a mad man, he was up on his feet now, being used to the dark and the settings of his house, Yinka was able to maneuver his way easily towards her, slowly, his long arms stretched in the air, ‘Stop trying to change the subject Funke’, ‘Subject of what?’ she asked, eyebrows now raised, a baffled look on her face, she stared at the floor, ‘Don’t start that again, abeg’ he was getting irritated with her constant pretending, he had his needs for goodness sake.

All of a sudden, her pocket began to vibrate, it was her phone, Yinka raised his eyebrows, ‘Who would be calling you at such a time?’, she ignored his question and picked up her phone, glanced at the callers ID and answered the call. ‘Hello? Ah Tosin, ba wo ni?’, a huge smile planted on her face, ‘Ah good, what can I do for you?’ she continued, ‘Ehen’, she looked up, Yinka was stood in front of her, staring hard and desperately trying to hear the caller’s voice so as to figure out it was the voice of a male or female, obviously not too happy with the sudden interruption, his face was sour and Funke was too busy chatting and giggling away to notice, turning away from him to face the wall , she fiddled with her hair and continued on with her chat on the phone, ‘Ok dear, no problem’, the conversation was finished, she locked off the phone and turned back towards him.

Without giving her time to even breathe, let alone put the phone away, he blasted her with questions, ‘Tani e?(Who was that?)’ he asked, his arms folded, ‘Oh, my friend’ she answered, ‘What does he want?’, she was amused, ‘How do you know it was a he?’, her voice went high pitched, ‘Ok, was it a boy or a girl?’, twitching her nose, she replied him, ‘Guy’, he shot back, ‘I know na’, he sounded annoyed, Funke did not like his tone at all, ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’, she squinted her eyes, tilting her head slightly, he ignored her question.

‘Does he know you have a boyfriend?’, he was really getting on her nerves now, jealousy was written all over his face, but why? She was used to his childish moods but it did not mean that she would take it, plus it was very hard to ignore, what had she done this time for goodness sake? She shrugged and walked on, she could not be bothered to have another argument tonight, especially one that was so pointless, plus she was tired, Yinka had really spoilt her mood, she needed some sleep. Still walking away from him, she headed towards the guest room, her phone rang again. Yinka was furious, watching her as she walked away he followed after her, straight into the bedroom.

Jealous Partner Part 7 Snippet

2008-11-28T02:39:00.000-08:00

This is not the full version o, just a snippet! Forgive me for any mistakes, I rushed it!

Yinka drew his long arms out around her in a warm embrace and pulled her closer towards his chest, “Omo kekere” he whisphered into her ears, Funke stuck her tongue out at him, into the air, “You see” he laughed, “Only babies do that” he gave a loud hiss and pinched her nose. “I’m not a baby jare” Funke hissed back and punched his leg, Yinka, burst out laughing, “Was that supposed to hurt?” He carried on laughing “Chei, baby mii, you’re so weak”.

She punched him again, this attempt was harder, or so she thought, her attempt only caused him to laugh even more, swiftly, Funke lifted up her arms, her fists clenched ready to blow him again, she was not fast enough as by the time her fists had swung only half way towards his knee, he had caught both arms and held onto her, twisting her arms back, she screeched, “YE! Fimisile jor! (Leave me please!)”

He was still laughing, “Jor! (Please!)” she pleaded, finally he let go, “So weak, ah ah”, both hands on his head, he shook his head in disappointment and tutted, whispering to himself, “So I will be marrying a baby?”, “Marrying tani? (Marrying who?)” she replied, “Iwo of course (You of course)”, “E mi? Who told you that I am marrying you? (Me? Who told you that I am marrying you?)” she pulled one crazy face, she was only joking of course but she just wanted to see his reaction, “I told myself, abi do you have a choice”, he yanked her bottom lip and twisted it gently.

“Of course I have a choice” she sat up abruptly to face him, “No you don’t” he grinned, he may have sounded like he was joking but he was damn serious and she knew it, she could not help but worry sometimes, as normal as any girl she enjoyed the attention, but too much of anything is not good, Yinka loved her she knew for sure but she always thought that he loved her a little too much, or was that even possible?

Oya, Kumole!

2008-11-21T11:09:00.000-08:00

The school variety night is nearing, some friends and I are representing Africana with a dance.

The dance must be hot o, as in every part of my body must ache.

Nigeria, World's Safest Economy

2008-11-18T09:07:00.001-08:00

A major boost was given to Nigeria’s quest for foreign investment inflow at the weekend as the country was named the least vulnerable economy in the world, according to a report, Global Economics, compiled by a team of experts from Merrill Lynch.

Merrill Lynch is one of the world’s leading financial management and advisory companies, providing financial advice and investment banking services.

More can be read here.

Now this is the sort of news we want to hear, not news of foolish villagers accusing their children of witchcraft. Naija, I hail you o.

Funny enough, I actually went to one Meryll Lynch seminar, not too long ago, free food and drink, even alcohol sha, but I just stuck with my coke, that was enough to satisfy me.

Here I am with Mishal Husain, Pinky Lilani OBE, The Rt Hon Tessa Jowell MP, Princess Zahra Aga Khan and a few students from my business/economics class.

Click the thumbnail for a clearer view.

Are You More Faithful Than A Monkey?

2008-11-15T02:54:00.000-08:00

I was discussing with one lecturer of mine and the topic turned to talks of testicles (His idea, not mine). So anyway sha, he told me that apparently, chimpanzees, gorillas and human’s testicle sizes are the size that they are for a reason and that basically, out of all three species, chimpanzees are the most promiscuous, human's follow behind and gorillas are the last.

SCIENTISTS claim to have discovered the reason that men’s testicles are the size that they are: it’s all to do with the infidelity of our female ancestors.

A study of the evolution of sperm has revealed that the average human female does anything but stand by her man: like many other primates, she is not at all averse to promiscuity if she can get away with it.
Research by a team at the University of Chicago, led by Bruce Lahn, suggests that men are more prone to stray than women, but the notion that human females long for nothing but a stable, monogamous relationship with Mr Right is wrong.

The study, published today in the journal Nature Genetics, examined the evolution of male sperm among 12 species of primate, including human beings. Sperm is useful for the investigation of a species’ sexual practices in the distant past, as its characteristics are largely determined by mating patterns.

In promiscuous species, such as chimpanzees, competition for mating privileges does not end with sex: once inside a partner’s body, sperm must often battle those of a rival to be the one that fertilises the egg. In order to maximise their chances of fatherhood, male chimpanzees have evolved huge testicles and sperm counts for their body size.
Among gorillas, however, females mate only with a dominant male, who collects a harem that will not entertain the idea of sex with a rival until he has beaten the alpha male in a fight. In this polygynous system, a male can be virtually certain that no one else has copulated with his partners — and thus gorillas’ testicles are tiny.

Human testicles are somewhere in between, suggesting that while women are nothing like as promiscuous as female chimps, neither are they as faithful as the female gorilla.

It is likely that our female ancestors cheated on their spouses often enough to leave men with room for doubt about their paternity.

“In species with promiscuous females, there’s more selective pressure for the male to make his semen competitive,” Dr Lahn said. “It’s similar to the pressures of a competitive market place, [where] competitors have to constantly change their products to give them an edge over their rivals — whereas, in a monopoly, there’s no incentive to change.”
Making more sperm is not the only way of boosting a male’s chances of fertilising an egg. If his partner might be cheating on him, he can improve his prospects by producing sticky semen that coagulates in the vagina, creating a “chastity belt” that stops rival sperm from getting past and his own sperm from leaking out. The theory suggests that the more promiscuous the species, the stickier the semen. It seems that human beings have a similar viscosity of semen to orangutans.
Source: Here

Ehen, so do you agree with this theory or not?

Waiting for your answers.

Sweetie Pie Pie!

2008-11-13T05:54:00.000-08:00

THIS IS MY SOOONG! Although it's in one Ghanaian language and I don't know what the hell they are saying.

The Greedy Girl (Hausa Folk Tale)

2008-11-12T06:07:00.000-08:00

Once there was a greedy girl. She would eat anything. She would eat cows, dogs - she would even eat the earth from under your feet. One day, her parents decided that they had had enough ;'Go away', they said. 'You are too greedy. We don't want you anymore.'

The girl went to see her best friend. 'My parents have told me to go away. Come with me.' 'OK,' said her best friend, and off they went. They walked along the road, out into the forest. At a bend in the road, they met seven dogs, jumping at them and barking. The greedy girl eat them. Then she went into the jungle. When she came back, she could no longer speak. All she could do was bark. Like a dog.

The two girls walked on. They came to a river ; on the other side of the river was a city. They crossed the river and entered the town. The king saw them coming. "Ah," he said, "that is a very beautiful girl. I must marry her." So he did. His Prime Minister married the girl's friend.

The king was very pleased with his new wife, but he wished she could speak instead of barking like a dog. He called all the witch-doctors of the kingdom, but none of them could do anything to help. So then he decreed that all the women of the kingdom would come one morning to the city square, and there they would pound millets together until the sky shook. At this, the greedy girl's friend went to find her. "Come with me," she said. They went back upon the road that they had arrived on, back over the river and into the jungle, until they came to the bend where the girl had eaten the dogs. "Follow me," said the friend, and they went into the jungle, far into the jungle, until they came to hut.

An old woman lived in the hut. When she saw the greedy girl, she took a big stick, and told her to offer her back. Then she beat the girl. "Whap" went the stick, and one of the dogs jumped out of the girl's mouth. "Whap" went the stick again, and another dog jumped out. The old woman hit her seven times with the stick, and seven times a dog jumped out of her mouth. After that, she could speak again.

The two girls went back to the city. They arrived just as the women were gathering in the square. "I must be quick", said the greedy girl, and ran to her room. There she put on her most beautiful jewels. When she emerged from the palace into the square, the sun said "Oh - you are so beautiful! Shall I hide my face?" "Don't be stupid", said the girl. "If you do that, noone will see me. Stay where you are." So the sun stayed. The earth said "Oh - you are so beautiful. Shall I move away from beneath your feet?" "Don't be stupid," said the girl. "If you do that, I shall not be able to walk down to the king. Stay where you are." So the earth stayed.

The king saw his young wife walking towards him, and he was astounded by her beauty. "Oh," he said, "you are so beautiful. I will make you my first wife." "Hmmm," said the girl. "Where there are many, the one will be envied." "You're right," said the king. So he had all his other wives' heads cut off, and he and the girl lived happily ever after.

JEALOUS PARTNER PART 6

2008-11-11T10:07:00.000-08:00

Ok people, so this is like my first time of writing a 'sexified' story, though it is not much, abeg, don't laugh at my 'lack of knowledge' on the art giving blowjobs, they never taught it to us at school.

WARNING: 'SEXIFIED' CONTENT (Kind Of)

Dedicated to the lovely talesandtallies.

Funke was now kneeling on the floor, shoulders hunched and her soft round yansh resting on her calves as she watched him unbuckle his belt, she had given him a blowjob a couple of times before, it was basically a substitute for the many times she had refused him sex, no big deal, at least it was not intercourse.

As soon as he was done with his belt, his trousers were next, pulling them down to his ankles, he parted his long bare legs and began to fiddle with his boxers, not taken them off but pulling the top part down giving his dick enough space to let loose. It sprung up immediately, like a yoyo it bounced around, so full of life, or cum. Yinka caught a hold of it and noticed that his babe’s eyes were glued to it, literally, “Oti fe suck abi?(You want to suck isn’t it)” he laughed at her.

Her breathing became heavier, her lips slowly parting unknowingly, her eyes still fixated on the wonderful big cock. She was salivating, tongue withering within her mouth like a worm, she took a hard bite at her bottom lip, eyes still intense and hands shaking like a leaf in the wind. Yinka watched as she displayed this act, he could not help but chuckle. Funke was so focused on his dick that she did not hear him laugh, he was enjoying the ‘show’ sha, he liked the way she had bitten her lip, her silk black hair was in a mess and he could see the outline of her perky big boobs within her top, material clinging her breasts and buttons holding on for dear life. Her nipples were poking through the material, sprung out like bullets, a sign that she was horny, her nipples always hardened like that when she was ‘in the mood’.

Stinkingly flithy thoughts now ran through his mind like athletes, his dick was even harder now, he stretched out his arms to pull her frail body closer, running his fingers through her hair. Abruptly, Funke snapped out of her whole ecstasy faze, shaking her head she turned her gaze away from his penis, she was embarrassed. “Hmm…I don’t really feel like it” she whispered whilst crawling backwards on her knees, trying to stretch out her top so as to create air for her breasts to breathe.

It was a big lie, who was she trying to deceive? Really and truly her body was aching her, the human body is a funny machine, physically, she could not wait to pounce on his dick, in her current horny state that is, she just wanted to see how far she could stretch him, especially in his current state, a very naughty girl she was. She was still crawling back, though she had not gotten far before he had grabbed onto her arms and hauled her back, the grip he had on her was rather tight causing her to shake her arms about to relieve herself of the small pains. “Tell that to the birds” he replied, again stretching his arms out and aiming for her nipples, just one touch caused electric sparks to dart through her body, her panties now soaking wet, she rubbed her thighs together.

Funke lifted her hands and grabbed onto his dick, catching Yinka by surprise, he gave a big grin, mischievous. Rubbing his cock up and down with the palms of her hands she now bent her head to lick the head of his penis. Her hands were now folded around it, stroking gently causing the foreskin on his rod to slide, she licked it again, tongue wrapped around the head like a snake, or a lollipop, whichever.

Opening her mouth wider, with the help of Yinka’s hand, her head was bent even further so as to allow easier access into her mouth, salivating on his pole, she tightened the grip on it with her lips, though not even half way she sucked on it hastily like a pro. Releasing her left hand from its position, she played with his balls, gently, her head bobbing up and down on his dick like a doll’s, her sucking noises were loud. At present, Yinka’s head was bent back, his eyes shut tight trying to savor the sweet moment, he let out a few groans but only quietly.

He brought his head back up in order to look at his babe, watching the top of her head as it bounced up and down, gently he pushed her head down even lower, he knew she would not be able to take all of him but the more the better. Again, he started fiddling with her hair, his right hand stroking the back of her neck causing her to moan as she sucked him off. “Urghh..…I’m gonna cum baby” Yinka groaned at her, moments later, "Shit...", Funke was not at all excited at the thought of his cum floating in her mouth, plus she had heard from a few friends that it wasn’t exactly the tastiest thing, immediately, she withdrew from his cock, watching him spew himself all over the floor, “Thank God it isn’t carpet” she thought to herself, he was still groaning, finally he stopped, giving her a huge smile and a peck on the forehead, “Baby, you were great” he said, she smiled back at him. “Oya, now it’s your turn”, he was grinning, “My turn for what?” she was confused, “You know na”, he was till grinning, she really didn’t.

“Come baby”, he pulled her to the couch, “I wan chop your toto”, “My what!?” she screamed, this was not the first time he had offered to give her head, he had always said that most girls would beg for it so why was she complaining, well, she was not ‘most girls’ and again, she refused. “Haba baby mii, you will like it na", he started playing with her shorts, impatiently, undoing the buttons, Funke slapped his hands off, “Chop ko” she hissed, “If you are hungry, go and get food from the kitchen”, she was serious, her nose in the air as she crossed her arms like a toddler. Yinka burst out laughing, “Don’t worry jare”, he was still laughing, “One day, I go chop dat your pussy well, naughty girl”.

Randomania And Facebook Fraudsters

2008-11-11T06:59:00.001-08:00

No classes tommorow, happy days! Or, happy day, so I can just chill with my baby. Parents have been pissing me off, sometimes they just don't know when to stop sigh.

Going 'laser quest' on saturday for a friend's birthday celebration, we get to shoot eachother in a blackout dark place with laser guns, sweet, it'll be just like paintball, only less painful, ouch. We're going at night, I think, guys vs the 'chics', should be interesting.

You people have really motivated me to carry on with my 'Jealous Partner' story, at first, it was just something to do whilst I was bored, but now, you got me writing up part 6 during one of my lectures, I'm a disgrace, lol, so, who do you prefer? Yinka or Funke? So fun mi o!

Part 6 will be out soon, dedicated to the lovely talesandtallies, mwah.

Lmao, picture of the day, I'm sure a good majority of you can relate with this pic, abi? Stop lying jor.

Reading my newspaper today, came across an article talking about fraud on facebook, as soon as I saw it, the country 'Nigeria' popped into my had, low and behold, after reading a few lines on, guess which country's name I saw? Was not relly suprised to be honest, infact, in a way, I almsot expected such a thing to happen. Naija, you are just not serious, oma se o.

Just a snippet of the article.
Fraudsters send messages to the compromised user's friends claiming they are in trouble overseas and asking them for cash.

Online security experts have warned that cyber criminals are using more sophisticated methods – including social networks – as web users wise up to traditional email frauds.

The latest scam came to light after Karina Wells received a Facebook message from one of her friends saying he was stranded in Lagos, Nigeria, and needed $500 for a ticket home.

You can read the rest here.

JEALOUS PARTNER PART 5

2008-11-10T12:45:00.000-08:00

Ehen my peoples my peoples, forgive me for any typos, mistakes etc, could not be bothered to read it through hehehehe.

Oga Danny, this one is for you o.

She could sense the mixed feelings of anger and disappointment coming from him, after the few minutes of lying on top of her, eventually he gave in and climbed off of her, grumbling to himself, his penis still rock hard and geared up for action, but obviously he would not be getting ‘any’ tonight, not that he hardly ever did, how was he coping sha?

Funke had only ever agreed for him to make love to her twice throughout their whole relationship and even those past sessions were a challenge, he could not understand her, she should be begging for more, all his past girlfriends and fuck buddies would sell both arms just for even a taste of what he had to offer, Yinka was not a bragger but when it came to the arts of womanology and sex, he was a pro, A++ student for that matter, he knew how to make a woman feel good and would always leave them begging for more, where did this Funke of a girl come from? ‘Chai’ he would often utter to himself, ‘Mo gbe o! This girl wants to kill me…’.

It was not that Funke did not enjoy Yinka’s touch, infact, she loved it, it was just that she had always promised to herself that she would not lose her virginity until she was married, she had vowed to herself. But then Yinka came along and she lost total control, she fell hard. She did not want to make out that those two nights with him were mistakes, although in a way they were, she would always cherish what they did together, but she was trying to ‘renew’ her vow and she really needed her man to understand that.

Funke was still seated on the couch, she had neatened herself up and started to chew her bottom lip gently whilst staring at the floor, trying her best to avoid eye contact with Yinka, waiting for his outburst. He was standing in front of her, both hands on his head, his broad shoulders stretched, he knew she was trying to avoid looking at him, “You this girl ehn”, gently, he nudged her foot with his own, laughing slightly. She was surprised, is that all he was going to say? She breathed a sigh of relief, fiddling with her hair she continued on with her lip chewing. “Ok so baby mii, what are we going to do about Yinka jr over here?”,It took her about 10 seconds to realize what he was talking about, one confused look plastered on her face until she finally realized.

“Urm…urm..” she stuttered, she could not help but take a glance at his crotch, was he carrying a snake in there or what? D’banj’s ‘Anaconda’ suddenly started playing in her head causing her to giggle. Her man had been heavily blessed with one big…..she stopped herself and giggled even more, “see yeye thoughts occupying my mind” she thought. “Can’t you just leave it like that?” she replied, he gave her one of his numerous dirty looks, “Kilon soro? (What did you say?)” he replied back, bending his head down to get closer to her, he had heard her perfectly o, he just wanted her to dare to repeat what she had just said, craze girl.

Again, she spoke, “I said can’t you just leave it like that?”, “And I say you must be out of your mind”, her eyes widened at his comment, “What do you mean?” she asked him. Lifting his head back up, he stretched his long arms into the air and cracked his knuckles, “Ah ahn Yinka na” she bellowed at him, “Stop doing that with your hands, you know it causes arthritis”, he did it again, this time on purpose, “Who told you that myth?”, he was amused at her ignorance and began laughing to himself, “Myth ke? A friend of mine told me”, she sounded so sure of herself, it made him laugh even more, “Bullshit” replied Yinka, “Bull kini?” funke asked.

Yinka ignored her question, walked over to the couch and sat next to her, his long strong arms on her shoulders, he began rubbing his nose on her cheek, “Ehen baby, so like I said, wetin you wan do so that my JT is satisfied?”, she fiddled with her shorts, trying to pretend as though she had not heard his question, he smirked, “How about a blowjob?” he asked, swiftly, she turned her head so that she was facing him, shocked, “Eh ehn don’t give me that look jare, since you no wan gree for me to make love to you a blowjob isn’t too bad, abeg, body no be wood, after you don lead me on sef”, “Hmmmm” she hummed, still facing him, “Hmmm kini?” he asked, “Madam tease, oya, sha se kia (hurry up)”, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her up effortlessly as if she was just a stick, he positioned her on the ground and unbuckled his belt.

Music Is My Hot Hot Sex

2008-11-10T08:22:00.000-08:00

Sold my old Ipod, it is broken and the guarantee stuff has run out but a friend insisted on buying it, why? I don't know and to be honest, I don't really care, money is money jare.

So I want to get a new one, AGAIN, sigh, I had the old ipod classic 30Gb and now I want the ipod classic 80gb, black version, hopefully by the end of this month, until then I guess I will just have to stick to listening to my phone.

Anyways sha, here are my top ten songs for the moment, whether they are old or new.

1. I know - Jay Z

2. She got a donk - Soulja Boy (Cracks me up)

3. Mrs officer - Lil Wayne Ft Bobby Valentino

4. Be the one - The Ting Tings

5. Stuntin' like my daddy - Lil wayne ft Birdman

6. Daga albashi - Zainab Idris and Sani Danja

7. Idi nla - Da Grin Ft Lala

8. Oh no - Mos Def

9. Logiligi - Mzbel

10. Tingele - Tinny

JEALOUS PARTNER PART 4

2008-11-09T13:54:00.000-08:00

Urrggh, ok here's part 4 of my story, enjoy.

Yinka’s hands continued to maneuver their way through her silk hair, at the same time, he planted soft kisses on the nape of her neck, she was quivering, eyes shut tight. From her neck he turned to her lips, Funke’s breathing became heavy, he began to nibble gently on her bottom lip, gentle suddenly turned to rough as he directed her back to towards the couch, his whole body on top, covering every inch of her, she was like an ant compared to him.

For about 10 minutes they lay there playing a passionate game of tongue wrestling, Yinka was obviously more experienced as his tongue seemed to be doing most of the work, his hands now cupping her soft and tender breasts, squeezing and caressing them, Funke gave a loud groan as he directed his fingers to her nipples, gently pulling and rotating, her eyes were still closed shut and she was still breathing heavily, obviously in a world of ecstasy, she gave a loud moan.

Yinka’s eyes were fully wide open, he grinned at the sounds she was making, he only wished that he could see her facial expressions, just that nepa don take light and he really could not be assed to go and switch the generator on, he loved to please his babe, really, he did. After playing with her breasts, his focus was now on her shirt, he started to pull at it roughly, not even bothering to undo the buttons, impatiently ripped it open, he was like an animal, though not too violent, he really needed to release himself, he had been horny all day and Funke did not seem to be helping it at all, it seemed as though literally anything she did would turn him on, he really needed to make love to his babe and bad.

Funke could feel him tugging at her clothes, he had managed to remove her top, exposing her full breasts which were half hanging out of her bra, he now turned to her shorts, tearing impatiently at them like a savage and still ignoring the fact that buttons were put there for a reason, she began to squirm underneath him. She did not mind the smooching and caressing but she certainly did not want it to go too far, as in, the main thing. “Yinka…”, she let out a slight whisper, it was as if he could not hear her, “Yinka…”, again she whispered but only this time a bit louder, yet again, no reply from her man, he was too focused on eating her body whole, literally. “YINKA!” she bellowed, “Ehen ehen, what is it baby?” he replied, “Please Yinka, I don’t want to”, she gave a worried expression whilst saying this, “You don’t want to kini”?, It was either he was pretending not to understand, or he really did not understand, Funke knew he understood o. She spoke again, “You know na, I don’t want to have sex”, she turned her head as to avoid facing him, preparing for his reaction, she held her breath.

He thought that maybe he was dreaming, maybe he had not heard her properly, he was bursting, literally felt like he could explode and his babe was telling him this rubbish. He was still on top of her, staring deeply at her face just to see if she was joking, he hoped that she was joking o, “Omo, you better be joking” he thought to himself, “Abi, kilode!?”.

“Baby mi, kilode na? Am I hurting you”? he asked her, he looked confused, speechless and pissed off. “No no no, you’re not hurting me…”, “Then what is it!?” he did not even allow her to finish her sentence, “I just don’t want to…”, he was speechless, “Which kain yeye reason be dat?” he thought to himself, he gave a loud hiss and spoke firmly, “Look Funke, if you don’t give me a better excuse than that crap you just gave me I swear to God I’m not getting off of you”, he was fuming, she hated being threatened “Yinka! I’m not joking o, what do you mean you won’t get off I said I want to stop! Or do you want to rape me!?” she spat back, she continued to squirm underneath him, his full body weight was crushing her own and she was unable to move freely, he was aware of this but ignored her movements and comment, “Yinka, ejor na!” she continued on with her pleading.

Psycho

2008-11-08T11:11:00.000-08:00

My friend's boyfriend locked her in his house.

He actually locked her in his house! As in put the latch on the door and physically prevented her from leaving his house, pushed her, held her etc and you know some guys are too strong for their own good (apparently, this one was not even the first time), oh my goody goody gosh, as much as I found it kind of funny when she told me (sorry o), this is very serious, I was aware that they had been having a lot of arguments etc etc the usual, but this one, haba.

The guy lives on his own, quite far away from her own house. He would always expect her to do the travelling from her house to his, wouldn't even meet her halfway and when she refused, he would start to get all angry on her and start on with his many complaints.

She actually told him to his face that he was a pshycho, the guy went completely bonkers on her, oma se o.

She has dumped his sorry ass, good riddens to bad rubbish.

Just hope that he doesn't do anything too crazy, met him once when we had finished with our major exams, she brought him along during our 'celebration', he seemed nice, hmmm, well I guess they all do at first.

Se Le Soro Yoruba?

2008-11-07T06:50:00.001-08:00

I'm a sucker for a dude who can speak Yoruba FLUENTLY, too me, it's the most sweetest language that exists, speak it and I'll love you forvever and forever and forever!

Am I A Fool?

2008-11-05T12:31:00.000-08:00

I was called a fool for my willingless to keep my virginity until marriage. Yes people, as much as I do kind of blab on about sex related things and make 'dirty comments' on my blog, my honeypot is still intact.

Fool ko, apparently virginity is 'overrated' and 'times have changed', ok and so? I'm not doing it for anyone but myself, not that still being a virgin is anything really special to be honest, just that some people are in such a rush to lose it and when they come across someone who believes in keeping it, they assume that religion is the main reason and that you are only doing it because you want to be seen as the 'good girl' etc, that's not always true jare *big smile*

I am not a fool, abeg lmao.

JEALOUS PARTNER PART 3

2008-11-05T04:24:00.000-08:00

Like I said before, don't crucify me for all the typos and mistakes o! Abeg!

The drive to his house was silent, the only thing that could be heard was the sound of the wind blowing in the atmosphere as well as the occsasional sound of car horns. There was not as much traffic as usual, Yinka was very pleased about this. “Baby mi, se wa ok?(My baby, are you ok?), Why are you so quiet?” he asked, still driving the car, he was worried about his girl. She was exhausted, sleepy and slumped in her seat. Funke turned her head to him and nodded softly, giving a slight smile.

He could see that she was almost sleeping, “Se o fe sun?” (Do you want to sleep?) he asked, “You better not sleep o”, he gave a wide smile which showed his deep dimples, cute, she thought to herself, he was a bit too attentive on her, not keeping his eyes on the road, “Yinka na! Keep your eyes on the road jor, abi you want to kill us!?” Her eyes were wide open now, he burst out laughing, “Ehhn, don’t you want to die with me?” Eyes still not 100% focused on the road like it should have been. “Yinka! Ejor!” she was no longer slumped in her seat, smacking her man and bellowing for him to “Stop all this rubbish!”

He stopped eventually but still continued laughing, he sounded crazy she thought, he was crazy. Funke slumped back into her original position on the seat, Yinka turned on the radio, the song ‘Ololufe’ began playing, “This song is for you baby mi” he smiled at her, she looked back at him and blew him a faint kiss, her mood had suddenly lifted and she no longer felt angry at him anymore. She continued to stare as he sang the song, her guy was fine o, too fine and she could not control the way her body reacted to him, to his smile, his touch, even though she always tried to hide it. “You too like to form” he would always say to her, the last thing she wanted was for him to know the affect he had on her, but he knew, she knew he knew, ‘damn you these human emotions’ she would often joke with herself.

He loved to play with her, make her lose total control, it was like a hobby to him, he knew how to use his charm well, a real Casanova. But he only had eyes for one girl, Funke Idris, Funke baby, his baby, the girl was beautiful, just that she was too stubborn, way too stubborn, “Don’t worry jare” he thought, “You have met you match”.

Finally, they arrived at Yinka’s house, he lived alone and often tried to get Funke to move in with him but she would always refuse and give him the most flimsy excuses he thought. He currently had a good job, nice house and constantly tried to drum into her head the fact that he would take care of her so why not move in? His words seemed to be falling on dead ears as she refused to budge, stubborn girl, “Iwolomo” (You’re on your own) he would say.

Funke was still in university, 19 years of age and a law student. Yinka was 5 years older than her, a graduate, specialising in Economics, he had had his fair share of fun during his time in Uni and knew exactly what students could and would get up to, one of the many many reasons he was so protective over her, he was like a hawk, Funke just thought it was an obsession. They had planned to get married but were waiting for Funke to graduate, well, Yinka was, he wanted to get married to her immediately, she had said that she wanted to get a good job first, settle down, Yinka was just too impatient and as much as e would always call her stubborn, he was even worse.

As soon as they entered the house, Yinka would not keep his hands to himself, she freed herself from his grip stood up from the couch. “Nisuru Yinka, Nisuru!” (Take it easy Yinka, Take it easy) Funke cried. “Baby mi, I am dying here, haba” he replied, “Come, see what you are doing to me”, Her eyes fell down to his crotch, it was like a mountain “Nawa o” she laughed, “Don’t blame me for this abeg, what have I done?” she carried on giggling.

“See baby, if you know what is good for you, you better just come here and finish off what you started” he sounded dead serious, “Oya”, he stood up swiftly and began to kiss her neck, gripping her small waist, his 6’3 stature hovering over her own stature of 5’8, gently gripping her small frame he began to grope her breasts. As much as she tried to fight it, Funke was loving every minute of this, she tried to resist a little but he knew she only forming and without much effort, pulled her back, her head laid on his hard chest, he began to stroke her hair.

JEALOUS PARTNER PART 2

2008-11-04T08:14:00.000-08:00

Please abeg, don't crucify me for the typos and mistakes o, I was rushing.

“Hiding ke?” Funke had had enough, without a second thought, she grabbed unto her bag and proceeded to stomp out of the car, it was just a shame that Yinka was a step ahead of her, as usual. He knew his girl all too well, as if he could read her mind, Yinka rapidly locked every door in the car, just with the flick of a button. “You are not going anywhere”, his voice was calm, he sounded serious, he was serious, serious and mad. Funke gave a loud groan and sulked in her seat.

“Now, why are you always trying to avoid answering your phone around me? Kilode!?” Funke kept silent and stared out into the street, she could not believe that Yinka was acting like this, she had already told him many times without number, again and again that she was not avoiding anything and that she did not even know what he was constantly on about, this guy was just too paranoid.

“So you can’t talk abi?” Yinka cut into her thoughts, again, she kept silent, she really could not be bothered to answer him, what was the point? Same routine, all the time, she would tell him that she was not up to anything, he just loved to accuse her of the silliest things, gosh he could be so annoying. Yinka was getting really pissed off with her silence, “Funke! Funke!” he bellowed in her ear, he was mad furious and still waiting for her reply.

Finally, she spoke, “I want to go home”, “You must be bloody joking” he replied, “Look Yinka, if you don’t wanna take me home, let me go and I will fine my way on my own, haba!” she was so frustrated, but what was she thinking? It was too dark to be trailing around on her own, what if she was kidnapped, or even worse, raped for that matter? “No jare, I’ll take you I’ll take you" he moaned "But you will come and stay at my house, ok?" “Your house ke”? she asked, a troubled tone to her voice, she began to fiddle with her skirt. “Or will your roommates be missing you that much?” he asked, she did not want to say no because she knew he would start getting moody again, but still. She was speechless.

“But, but...” Funke began to stutter, “No buts!” Yinka interrupted her, “I just want to spend the night with my girl, or is that a crime baby mi?” he sounded like a child, “Or do you have any plans?” his tone of voice changed rapidly, he sounded jealous, bitter. He knew full well that she did not have any plans but still waited to hear her excuses for not being able to come with him, she could not think of any, damn. There were no lectures for her to attend tomorrow and he knew it. Why had she told him? She felt like slapping herself. Yinka stared at her whilst she was deep in thought and gave a big grin, “This girl will not kill me o, Olorun ma je”, he started the engine.

JEALOUS PARTNER PART 1

2008-11-03T14:12:00.000-08:00

I was bored people, it's not much and I kinda rushed it but still.

“You are full of so much shit Funke, do you know that?” barked Yinka, it was very unlike him to shout but Funke had stretched him well past his limit, he could not take it anymore, the constant refusing to pick up her phone whenever he was around and whenever she did, she was so hesitant about it. He had also seen her around with this guy a few times, but she would constantly say that there was nothing going on between them, they were only ‘friends’, abeg, tell that to the birds he thought, abi was he born yesterday?

“Ah, well thank you very much Yinka” answered Funke, as usual her reply reeked of sarcasm, she hated it when her boyfriend, got all moody on her, he did it so frequently that it had become an insanely irritating habit to her, why was this guy so paranoid? Can’t a guy and a girl just be friends? She thought, not even noticing that she was actually voicing her thoughts, silently, but not silently enough as he had managed to hear what she was whispering and even lip read as he watched her intensely. “No they cannot” he replied bitterly, hands on the wheel although he was not actually driving, the car engine was not even on and they were parked in one Mr Bigg's car park.

His tone of voice suddenly changed, he was like a desperate child “Look Funke baby, why are you doing this to me?” Funke was confused, totally puzzled at what he was saying, “What are you talking about? Doing kini?” she replied. “Will you stop acting as if you don’t know what I am talking about! Haba”, Funke was baffled, “Ah ahn, what have I done this time?” she cried. Her question infuriated him even more, one thing about his girl that really pissed him off was when she played dumb and now was not the time or the place “Funke, I can’t stand it when I see you with those other boys, you never pick your phone when we are together and it seems as if you are hiding something from me”.

Everything was silent, for about 10 seconds until Funke suddenly burst out with laughter, “Oh my…” but before she could finish the sentence, he had already interrupted, “THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, ah ahn, why don’t you ever take me seriously?”, she continued on with her giggles, “Which boys are you talking about?” she managed to get out whilst still laughing like a maniac, “Oh you mean Femi? He is just my classmate” she had finally stopped laughing, “I don’t know why you are too je…” Yinka had cut her off again, “Jealous abi?, why won’t I be jealous, when my girl is busy playing ashewo games with other men”.

It was now Funke’s turn to be angry, how dare he call her a prostitute!? If anything, she was the complete opposite and Yinka knew that, she really could not understand where this attitude of his was coming from, she was fed up. “Look Yinka, I don’t appreciate you calling me names, you are obviously angry about something so please calm down first, maybe we can talk about it later”, “Later ke? Why can’t we talk now? What are you hiding”?

I LOFF YOU!!!!

2008-11-01T15:00:00.000-07:00

Ahurum gi naya!
Mo ni ife re!
Ina son ki!

The person know's who they are o.

Hugs, kisses, licks and focks!!!! (personal joke people)

dot dot dot dot

So the job interview went well, I think, I hope. Hmmph. I did a great job at sucking up too, a GREAT job. The manager was so lovely and sweet.

When I got there, I saw a few girls from my school, did not know that I was actually up against one of them because she was also having an interview, though she's in the lower year.

I must crush her dammnit, I must.

The manager said that I will find out by next week if I got the job that she will call me, If I didn't, a 'regret' letter will be sent home, Olorun ma je again and again.

Can I See Your Vagina Please?

2008-10-29T02:24:00.001-07:00

Ever been through that stage where you were just a little kid, say 6/7 and your parents had to go somewhere for a while but could not find someone to 'babysit' you at home therefore dump you at your cousins' house who are boys. Older boys that seem to like to taunt you and have friends who often come over and also like to taunt you.

Bunch of mofo's. I used to hate going there when I was little but my cries seemed to constantly fall on dead ears as my parents would constantly drop me there whenever they had to go somewhere 'important'.

These cousins are two in number, one of them is older than me by 3 years and the other 5. As much as I love them now, back in the days they were real dickheads. There was this particular day, they had gotten this book box toy thing that you could lock, we'll call them F and J, their friend was also there on that day so we'll call him Y, anyways sha F, J and Y thought that it would be funny to lock poor me in the toy box and roll it around, haba, see sadism, I can't even remember if I cried or not but I remember I was scared to shits.

They let me out eventually but all the rumbling and tumbling had caused my small head to rattle and shake, I was sooo dizzy.

What else did they do? Plenty more o, but the one that really stands out is the day it was only 4 of us alone at their house. It was night time and we were all watching a movie and suddenly Y asks me to do him a favor.

He asks me to please allow him to see my vagina, he even had the cheek to bring out a torch light so that he could 'see clearly', I even had to rub my ears to make sure that I had heard the request properly, to hell with you jare! I may have been small but I was not stupid, vagina ko va-china ni, then F and J joined in with the pestering and begging to see my punani and that it would only be between them and I.

What was even running through my mind then? Small girl like me. How I wish I had replied them with a good slap, GBOSA, that would have done the trick, but you know how boys come be sometimes, when you say no, there hear yes. Anyways sha I refused them and I remeber them being angry with me, mr good heads, fock you jare.

One thing I knew about them, they loved their porn, ewww ewww and ewww. Though whenever they were indulging in their acts I would cover my eyes like a good girl. There was this one day where we were all sitting in the sittingroom at night, aunty was with us thank God, so we are all watching TV and then suddenly one kind of porn flick came on, aunty was shouting that they should 'change the channel o change the channel!', na so oga sly F now went and hid the remote control so that it would take long to change it, then they started to look for the remote, well 'pretend' because they knew full well where it was.

F's eyes were glued to the TV, all I remember was a long hand stretching out from nowhere and slapping his head hard, it was a hot and heavy slap, LMAO buahahahahaha, foolish boy. Aunty now got fed up and just went and switched the TV off completely, oloshious boys, God will help them.

ESE GANN!!

2008-10-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

I GOT A JOB INTERVIEW FOR A SHOP I REALLY WANT TO WORK AT! THE INTERVIEW WILL BE AT 12.30PM ON FRIDAY, WISH ME LUCK PEOPLE!

Do You Know How to Answer The Phone?

2008-10-28T04:00:00.000-07:00

Do you know how to answer the phone properly? Or even call people properly? No seriously it is actually very important. You don't have to be so skillful at it (not that there are any awards) but it is good to have basic knowledge of how to answer and call in a courteous manner. You and your voice can make the difference and I'm not even talking about when your are in your office etc, home matters also.

I say this because there is this friend of one of my sisters, lovely girl but the way she calls our house is atrocious. She will not even give her name, say hello let alone ask for the person she wants to talk to, the girl will just dive into the conversation and so loudly as well, haba!

What happened sha? Yes, it was the friday that has just gone past, my mum had just heard of the death of her eldest brother so there was kind of silence in the house for some time and we were all sitting in the dining room together, so silent that you would be able to hear a pin drop. Then suddenly, the phone rings and I think my sister (we'll call her B) picked up the phone and accidently pressed loudspeaker, all we heard from the other end was someone shouting 'OMG B! B! YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED, THAT BOY IS SUCH A...' and then my sister took style to turn the loud speaker off quick time! No hello, no good evening, no 'please may I speak to..' just blasted away like a mad man, my God. This has happened plenty times o, I just laugh, can you just imagiinne.

Ladies, Would You Toast A Guy?

2008-10-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

Yeah, would you? Do you have the guts to actually walk up to a guy, show him that you are interested, ask him out, ask him to be your boyfriend etc? I guess it all depends on how confident you are about yourself, how confident you think there's going to be a positive answer, How ‘hot’ the dude is and whether rejection is a big deal to you. I think I should answer my own question also, well, my answer to this is NO bloody way.

Yeah, I’m an old school dame, I believe that guys should do the asking, the toasting, the signaling etc just my opinion, plus, I hear that they enjoy the ‘chase’ so why not give them something to chase? Knowing myself, even if I was ‘dying’ for this guy and he failed to show any sign of interest, I would rather die than make the first move and if at the end of the day, nothing ‘became’ of the both of us due to our failings in showing interest or making a move, then so be it, too bad for me I guess.

I’m probably coming across as being too proud abi? Is that what it is? Pride? Hmmmmm. This is not even about being shy either, even if I was the most outgoing un-shy person on the face of the planet, I can tell you now that I still would not do the toasting, you see, in my book of love, that is a definite no-no!

Another thing I will refuse to do is tell a guy that I love him first, even if I love him like crazy or even if I am definite that it is likely to be reciprocated, I will wait for his own confession and then start blasting away with my own. I have learnt that o, not from my own experience, but from my observations of others, not saying that is an abomonation o, it is just my preference.

A friend of mine, I was chilling at his house and he was telling me of how one girl was really making hard moves on him, calling him all the time, infact, during my discussion with him, the girl called him, what a coincidence. If I tell you the ways in which he would mock her and play with her, meehn, you will cry for the poor girl, I told him he was mean, he just shrugged and laughed, continued to string her along. I'm not saying all guys are like this, I would not want to generalize, just giving an example.

Like I said, as for me ehn...NO bloody way.

I would rather shave my head, every last strand, no be short cut where you can use style make jerry curl ati shapeup for your head, I mean straight up balding shine shine.

Beeni!

Tampon Dilemma

2008-10-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

My family had gone to Holland for a week, I did not want to go so I stayed back. I was not allowed to stay home alone because we were currently having our house refurbished and there were men in the house so I just stayed at a friend's house.

So one day In the week I was over there we got to talking, usual girl talk, weird talk etc. The topic suddenly turned to talks of sanitary pads and tampons, we both said that we had never used a tampon before and started giggling.

Funny enough she had a box of unused tampons on her desk and we were both like hmmm, how about we try it out, no big deal, but on our own of course. So we each skipped to the bathroom to try it out, seperately of course.

I spent about 5 minutes trying to fit it in (it was hurting o) but the thing no wan gree enter well for my honeypot, my yum yum abi punani, same for her apparently, nawa o, how people suppose use this kain thing? Yes and the thing is small o, very small!

Hmmmmm!

Just A Small Girl

2008-10-26T03:09:00.000-07:00

So one day I must have gone to the hairdressers to fix my hair, what time did I get there and I was leaving the place so late, ah well, atleast my hair was looking nice. What time was it sha? It was like 10.30pm/11.00pm so it was dark, how old was I? Like 13 and the place was far from home o, would have to take like 3 buses.

So I called my dad to come and pick me up, he tells me I should come home on my own that abi I have money to get on the bus, come home on my own ke? Do you know what time it is? And if I wanted to go out with friends and planned to come home at such a time he would have started with his 'ah ahn you are too young to be out so late' talk. Hissss, abeg spare me that.

Gosh I was so mad, but what could I have done? So I got on the bus, bus takes me to my next destination where I need to wait for another bus, yaawwn. Anyway sha I was just standing and waiting when I see one guy with another group of guys, they looked around 24,25 and they were passing things to each other, probably drugs I thought and I just stared like omg, like my eyes we glued on them literally, baaad habit of mine. One of the guys noticed me staring and was like:

Guy: Hey babe, are you ok?

Me: (Thinking babe ke, can't you see I'm 13 nawa o) I'm ok thanx (Currently looking at my feet and shaking)

Guy: (Starts to laugh) You're looking nice, where are you going?

Me: (Still shaking) Urm urm, I'm going home

Guy: (Still laughing) Why are you shaking? Are you scared?

Me: (Scared and stuttering, still looking at shoes) No no no, I'm not scared...

Guy: (Still laughing and staring) So you want to come to the pub with me, have a few drinks, hang out?

Me: (Thinking PUB KE? Chineke) Urmm no no no s'ok..

Guy: Why not?

Me: Urmmm...because..because...

Bus finally comes, phew!

Me: Sorry sorry sorry I have to go!

I ran onto the bus so fast, am safe am safe!

I left the guy standing there, did not even wait for his reply, abeg what did he want with a 13 year old.

Hausa Gospel

2008-10-24T02:14:00.000-07:00

Translation of what he is basically saying, 'Lord I Give You My Heart' 'Lord I Hand Over To You All My Problems'.

Na Ba Ka

Great Song.

Review Days And Facebook Sackings

2008-10-23T10:12:00.000-07:00

So I had academic review day yesterday, basically a look at how I have been doing academically(duh!) over the past term. To be honest, I wasn't expecting anything too good neither too bad. My appointment with my form tutor was at 2.35pm so I just had to sit and wait. First off, picked up my attainment sheet for the term, scanning through my grades, wow, A's and B's and then I get to economics, D!? Is this a joke or what!? No damn way did I get a D in economics, I was actually fuming, to me, a C is not even good enough and you're telling me I got a D!? So I marched around looking for my economics teacher, hands swinging like crazy as if I be soldier. I finally find him and ask him about his reasons for giving me a D, you know that kind of 'omg I am so angry right now I could scream' look, yeaaaah, that's the one, I had that plastered all over my face like a masquerade.

Turns out it was a 'mistake' and that he was actually meant to write an A and all this other crap, the guy even had the nerve to giggle about it, I for some 'strange' reason could not seem to get the joke.

I was like yeah yeah yeah just fix it kia kia because these grades are on the system and my parents have access to it, ok, lol I did not actually say that, I dey crase? I was more like 'Oh that's ok sir, mistakes happen' with one goofy smile on my face. WHAAT!? You need to suck up to these teachers, that's the key, suck them drrrryyyyyy (not like that jare! dirty minded people, kai!) these guys are writing our school refrences, or don't you know?

Another load of crap they tried to throw at my face, claiming that I have been late to school 13 times, for your left mind abi? 13 times ko, I've discussed it with my tutor and the mistake has been fixed but still, these people really need to straighten up, mistakes like these are not funny at all and it really got me pissed off.

Another convict who also won a place on my 'takers of piss' list was my tutor, congrats buddy, here's a handshake. My appointment was at 2.35pm and each review with a student was meant to last 5 minutes maximum, the guy was getting a bit too comfortable and took about 25 whole minutes talking to one girl before me. He went over a few of us irritated students' appointment times as if we didn't have important places to go, I'm a busy woman jare, abeg. Anyways sha, when it was my turn, all I heard were good comments so I was satisfied, now I can glide through my half term worry free.

Moving on swiftly, zoooooooom!

This is old news but I just thought I would blog about it. An art teacher in my school was sacked some time ago due to 'inapropriate pictures' seen on her facebook. What happened was, a few students came across her facebook and saw the photos, these students now took it upon themselves to print these pictures out (color printed o!) and stuck the pictures all around the art block, nawa wa for wa o.

These pictures were seen by other members of staff and I'm sure you know the rest, poor woman got the boot, a hot and fresh one at that, chei. Now you see folks, the moral of the story is that if you are an art teacher, always be nice to your students because eventually they will find your naked facebook pictures and stick them all over your classroom wall.

Pissed.

Have a nice day! *Big Smile*

(Ok I did not actually get to see the pictures so I don't actually know if she was naked or not but it made the moral sound cooler, hehehehe)

2008-10-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

So so so, it is almost christmas, well, kind of. My church gets really excited when it comes to events etc and they're damn good at it! Variety nights, conventions, youth events etc you name it. So pastor have mentioned one service that people should come up with something to perform on the day, dance, poem, song, play blah blah blah.

I thought it would be fun sha. My dad has been urging me to take part in a presentation and I have just just been forming and pretending that I am not interested, I don't know why sha, I don't like to show my family when I am excited about something, so I just put on one 'yeah yeah yeah' face and shrugged.

No way am I singing (Not that I am so bad), no dancing for me (Even though I love dancing....on my own) so I think I may just take part in a play. One guy a good friend of mine, we'll call him O is always coming up with plays for us so he'll probably come up with another nice one for us to act out. Last play I acted in the church was last year, I played the devil, as in satan, can you imagine! Lol! I played a 'sexy' devil sha, I wore all black, black blouse, black skinny jeans, black shiny hiiiiigh (meehn they were hiigh) heels and I had on some freaky red makeup, red lips, red eyeshadow and my hair was so wild hahahahaha, I remember practicing scary faces in the mirror for like half an hour, when my mum saw me, she was like 'Chineke wetin be this ehn?', leave me jor, am a professional actress *pulling up collar* hehehehe, norring do meh.

Another thing, one big Xmas party is coming up in my school, have not paid the fee yet and the price increases after half term, jeeez.

Ok, so no lessons today, I knew I would only have one in the morning but my teacher is away therefore the lesson is cancelled. Don't want to go straight home so I am waiting for some friends to finish their morning classes so we can do some shopping afterwards, techincally I am now on holiday because there is no school tommorow and neither is there any next week. Greaaaat.

Lookin' For A Job & Other Things

2008-10-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

Your dearest cappuccinebaby is looking for a jooooooob! I'm on a hunt o, I will need my daggers, bow and arch and my gun! Gbosa! Ok, don't mind me, basically job hunting so all I will need is my curriculum vitae, my smart clothes, my mind and my white teeth (for the smile na). I went and applied in one clothes/boutique shop, a body shop and one toy shop so far, nothing big na, just to bring in small cheese and I am not paying for any electricity, gas, housebills blah blah blah, my parents are there for that (big grin), therefore, cappuccinebaby shall be rolling in dough! Singing 'Girl I like the way you roll it, see how you control it, ooooh'. I don't why I am getting excited sha, I have had no calls for an interview yet, but you see, optimism is the key and I applied not long ago, so we shall seee.

I have a real craving for suya at the moment, hummm.

One call and that is all it took, hummmmmm, my heart is skipping fast, you want to know what I'm talking about right? Am not telling jor, boohoo abi? Suck it up abeg lol

Fright night at Thorpe Park on tuesday, should I go or shouldn't I? Though I am not too keen on theme parks, I find them very boring, strange me. This outing will be at night sha, from 10pm till early morning I suspect. Friends are begging me to come, ahhh.

One song I am feeling right now, 'That's the way' by 'Freewindz', just heard it on AIT a few minutes ago, nice tuune, I like am like dat. Another one, 'Na Mekoyo' by 'Oyoyo Family', nice one.

Lazy Son Jailed and Caned

2008-10-21T02:38:00.000-07:00

Father took his 20-year old son to an Islamic court in northern Nigeria for idleness, asking that he be sent to prison for refusing to engage in productive activities, state news agency NAN said on Friday.

"He is not listening to words and he is bringing shame to my family. I am tired of his nefarious deeds. Please put this boy in prison so that I can be free," said Sama'ila Tahir, a market trader in the north-eastern town of Bauchi.

Tahir told the court that his son had refused to go to school and he accused him of belonging to a criminal gang.

The court sentenced the son to six months in prison and 30 strokes of the cane - which were immediately administered on the premises - for being disobedient to his parents, NAN said. - Reuters

Source : http://www.capeargus.co.za/index.php?fArticleId=4667850

Hahahahaha, Oh Lawd. This is definately a wake up call to all lazy folks!

Penises Everywhere!

2008-10-20T04:51:00.000-07:00

There has to be a time in your life where you came across an image, ad, video, etc and you were just like, wtf. I came across one magazine with a deodreant ad for 'Right Guard' deodreant, the advert reaked of phallic imagery, sexual wise, as in the deodrant spray was shaped and presented in an awfully similar way to a penis and please don't give me all that 'capuccine, your mind is just dirty' crap, I know what I am talking about. I just had to laugh, or maybe it was not actually done on purpose, could just be a coincidence, you never know.

Here is a different picture, can you spot the phallic imagery in this poster ad, ad poster, warreva, can you? I sure can.

Need A Car

2008-10-19T05:56:00.000-07:00

Really need to get my driver's licence, starting to really dislike public transport. So first my licence and then the car (Daddy will deal with that one o).

Ok, so this shall be my first car

(In my dreams abi? Yeah, thought so too)

2008-10-18T03:24:00.000-07:00

MEME Rules
1. Put Your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle

2. For each question, press the next button to get your
answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Too Much - Blaise, Sasha, Kemistry and Bouquie

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Can't Speak French - Girls Aloud (Hmm, but I can)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Hot Wuk/Fuck - Mr Vegas (Roflmao)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Keep On Keepin' On - Mc Lyte

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Tell Me - Bobby Valentino

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Sweetest Girl - Wyclef Jean, Akon, Lil Wayne

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Odo Nwom - Kofi Nti Ft Ofori Amponsah

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Lost - Flukes

WHAT IS 2+2?
African girl - Nayo

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Green Light - John Legend

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Sweetie - Andy Ft Samini (Aww, so true)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Pop The Glock - Uffie

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Eemo Pelebe - Campus Queen Soundtrack

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Molejo - Bouqui

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Le Fenu So - Ajasa Ft 9ice

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Now I Know - Tinny Ft Samini (Hahahahahahahaha)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Photocopy - 9ice

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Whine Pon It - Munga (Yesh I loff to 'whine pon it')

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Sweetest Taboo - Sade

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Omoge - Mike Okri

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Can't Help But Wait - Trey Songz

See It's Like This

2008-10-17T07:15:00.000-07:00

Having one strange discussion about getting chased by dogs, it just came about randomly. I've been chased by dogs before, not even a dog, dogs. Happened when I was on Holiday in Ibadan when I was like 5 or 6, in the house, they were let loose for some reason and then they entered the house, maybe they were halluccinating and were seeing me to be a pork chop or something because they targeted me like bees on honey, sheet that day was scary.

My other encounters with animals, urrrgh, when I was ten, I went on a school trip to France for a week, went to the beach, playing with sand, thought it would be fun to bury myself in the sand so I did, with the help of others of course. So I was literally body deep in the 'pit', head sticking out of course, I dunno sha, I seemed to be everyone's scapegoat for pranks that week so one friend, we'll call her S, she knows I'm not too fond of animals, I don't know where she got what she got from but she got it, hehehehe.

One giant dead fish like that, horrible looking and scaly like nothing you had seen before. So she's walking and she's walking, coming in my direction, she was far away at first so I did not know what exactly she was holding, seemed like she was holding it by the tail, abi ki le le? Anyways sha, the crase girl is getting closer and I'm busy squintting my eyes like a new born baby, trying to figure out what the hell she has in her hand, GBAM! Na so I don see am well o, she starts running towards me! I did one pokemon move like that, as if I be pikachu abi charmander, flew out of the pit, legs dangling like an octopus and crawled my way to the other end like a mad man, screaming, she started chasing me with the ugly fish, I out ran her jare, that was really a close one, phew! Nothing do me jor. *Dusting Shoulders*

Moving on...

The credit crunch, abi crunch of credit, warreva, economy is not looking good, I'm sure you know that already. Not that it has really affected me personally, well, not yet anyway. Ahhh, things are looking grim in the jobs market, terrible, unemployment is creeping up on people like a ghost, abi unemployment, you be ghost? Two million jobless by Christmas and businesses associated with the housing market, financial services and leisure are the most vulnerable, it is a real shame indeed. Still can't seem to get my head around the whole Lehman Brothers' closure, I was shocked to say the least. Dad says now would be a good time to by shares, though
it could still be a bit of a gamble, gambling can be fun.............

.............sometimes.

Really wish I was back in highschool, last year to be precise, anybody have a time machine I could borrow?

Random.....

People people people, the one thing you could really do to piss me off is to spit in front of me, worst place is outside, a rocket of flem mixded with saliva shooting of your mouth is not preeetttyyy, especially in the open, if you wanna do it, do it in your toilet or something, not saying that I don't spit, just that there is a place for everything, abeg take note, urrghhh, focking 'ell meehn.

Missing somebory very much right now, JA, you know who you are. *Currently Blowing Abundant Kisses*

Stuffs, Stuffs And More Stuffs

2008-10-16T00:15:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you find a packet of condoms in your parents’ room? Flavored o *Shivers* Or better yet, if your little brother who is only 8 years old finds it, brings it over to you and asks if it is yours? My friend, se mi lon ba soro?? So ti mugbo yo?? (My friend, Is it me you are talking to?? Are you drunk??) Ahh, maybe he is asking the person behind you, you look back, nope, nobody there. Lo mu kini yen pada, sha se kia! (Go and put that thing back where you found it, fast!) Yes, they are married and it is natural but e jo, baba mii, iya mii, hide your things well na, ah ahn.

The day my brother brought it to my dad, I was in the sitting room with him, as soon as my brother showed it to him, ‘daddy, is this yours’, meehn, I don’t know what came over me, as if it was some kind of reflex, my legs just stretched towards the door, hahahaha, did not get to see my dad’s facial expression and to be honest, I did not want to.

Speaking of condoms, first time I saw one, I was on the bus with some friends, with our small heads, when we saw the condom we got all hyper as if we had just found gold or something , grinning from ear to ear like cats, we must have thought we were so cool back then, pahahaha, how sad. Another time, I was like 13/14, I was in Belgium with a few family friends, we went to one grocery store, the kids. We saw packets of condoms lined up at the front of the shop, again, I must have thought I was one big girl, I took the condom, did not even pay for it and left, touch and follow tactics, get ta know! Then I started playing with it like it was a balloon, one of the boys caught me and asked me for one that he may need it, I gave him one ‘who do you think you are deceiving’ look, oh please, need it for what, he started putting on one act, ‘ahh, my girls and I innit’, ok o, keep telling yourself that, I just laughed. I don’t know what happened to the rest of the packet sha, I remember leaving it in my shorts but I never saw them again after that day.

Ahh, childhood memories, who am I kidding, I’m still a child, a grown up child o, don’t get it twisted hehehehe. The guy I blogged about in my ‘The Crush’ post, quite a few memories with him, the guy is funny sha. When I was like say 6 or something like that, I went to his house in Lagos for holiday, he now took me to one room and we laid on the bed togerra, then he started to give me pecks, but my head was facing away from his, I don’t know if he knew that I knew what he was doing, or if he knew that I was pretending to not know what he was doing, well I was pretending and I just laid there like a rock and carried on watching TV, if I tell him about it now sha, I know he will deny it, silly boy. That same particular day, or night, whatever, I had wet the bed, we were staying in the house next to his in his compound, my family and I that is, when my mum had seen what I had done, she threatened to tell the boy, I remember I cried that day, I think, well I know that I was upset, too much puree warra.

Another encounter with him, we were much older, like maybe 12 or something, the guy is just a few months older than me but he seems to think the age gap is like 10 years, ok o. So I was in my sister’s room and he had followed me there, I can’t remember exactly what I had done to him but he made me lie on the ground and threatened to whip me with one metal hanger if I refused, plus my parents were not in at the time, the guy is crazy o, pure madness, he was like, ‘cappuccine, you know I could force you if I wanted to’, the way I hissed, sorry, are you talking to me? I was like, 'what the fock is this!?' See me see wahala o, so eventually after some minutes of tossling and grabbing, I ended up on the floor and he started to hit me with the hanger, but instead of crying I started to laugh, or maybe it was a mixture of both, don’t get me wrong, I aint one of them BDSM freaks, nah ah! It was just funny at the time, one day, he will receive his own.

I want to get a Christmas job, just a temporary one, I have not worked in ages and I need the cheese, the cheddar, the owo, di carssssh. Gone are the days were I could just skip up to daddy and ask for some money, now he wants me to work for my dough, sweat for the dough, you grab? I’m like, urrrrrgh, ok I know I am just being a lazy ass, ok o, a job it is, I’ve worked before, plenty times, it’s just been a long time since the last time.

I think I am a bit too hooked on this blog thing, blogging almost every single day, 90 posts in two months, even less than that sha and sometimes I will post more than once in a day, tsewwwwwwwww! Don’t worry, sooner or lerra I will become a slacker yo.

Missing my guy, siggggggggggh.

Pickshurr Of Di Day! Take Note Peeps, Taketh Thy Noteth!

2008-10-15T04:32:00.000-07:00

My form tutor is always complaining that he never sees me in assembly, sigh, I am hoping to bunk mass today actually, it is 5th period so what I will do is line up with my form class, get my tutor to register me and then when they are going it, take to my heels.

Everyone is growing up, whether mentally, physically etc Small boys I used to know I now starting to claim ‘big boy’, especially in their school, it’s funny sha. One particular boy, he is one of my mum’s best friends son’s, so I guess in naija terms we are ‘related’. Anyways sha, he has changed like you can not even imagine, not that I am surprised, it’s just that, it’s like it was only yesterday that I was changing his diapers, hehehehe, exaggeration, the guy is only two years younger than me. So now I guess he is a ‘big boy’, well, he likes to think so, the way he talks, the way he dresses, you name it.

One particular day sha, I did not have the keys to the house and my family were all out somewhere, the guy, we’ll come him E lives very close to me so I thought I would just go there and wait until my family got back. So I’m there and I’m messing with him, his brother and his sister, E is acting very funny, as in ‘too close for comfort’ funny, he kept hugging me and ‘play fighting’ with me, I was like, wetin be this? We were in his dining room near the computer, his brother was on the computer playing music and then E put on one Jamo (Jamaican) song, one dirty Jamo song like that, I thought nothing of it at first, boys will be boys, but then suddenly I felt hands on my waist, he wanted to dance, more like grind, I did one Chinese karate move like that so that he could get the message, ‘what are you doing?’, he just started laughing and carried on, na so i don show am another karate move, this one was Jackie Chan style, the boy no wan free me, file jor!

Finally I escaped his grasp, the guy was laughing like a lunatic, I asked, ‘you no well?’, still the laughter. Then I moved to his garden extension, one small room and sat on the couch, guess who followed me, he started flicking through his phone, showing me his files, asked for my own phone, couldn’t be bothered to bring it out so I lied that I didn’t have it, he was like, awwww, that I should tap my number into his phone, ok o. Then he started being silly again, this boy no well o and then to add to that, he started asking for a peck, I be chicken? Peck for where?

Na so I wan get up, he no wan allow me, file! Ah! He no gree! Kilode tori olun? So I tell him, no, warn, If you don’t free me I will punch you where the sun no dey shine, hahahaha, he still wants a peck, sure i'll peck you, when the Iroko tree falls, nansense. Saw him today sha, asked for money, it’s like an everyday routine for him, see cappucinebaby, ask for money, cappucinebaby dishes out a sarcastic comment, cycle of life.

People are planning one ‘hot’ Christmas party at one well known hall, sounds like fun.

Attack of the green eyed monster, my friend has got the Samsung Tocco phone and I want it, it’s so beautiful, I tried to touch it, the crase girl bit me, kai, to be honest, if I was her, I would have done the same thing, hehehehehe, here's a pic, though it looks muuuuuuuuuuch better in real life.

2008-10-14T05:24:00.000-07:00

One friend of mine told me that she had dreamt that I tried to kill her, I was like how, when, where and with what, then I started laughing, it was only a dream na, or was it?

Some teachers are sooo damn rude, just now, I was looking for my teacher in order to hand in one assignment, he was not in his classroom, so I checked another different only to see if he was there, being the 'well mannered' girl I am, I knocked first, no answer, knocked again, still no answer, so then I opened the door slightly and peeked only to see about 5 teachers (he was not amongst them) and they weren't even discussing anything important, I was like 'hello, please do you know where Mr R is', well, that's what I wanted to say, I did not even get to finish my sentence as one of them started to do these hand movements as to say 'shooo', he was like 'go away, we are having a discussion', discussion ke, when I am trying to better my education, all I want to do is hand in homework, got me quite annoyed sha, but I didn't let it show as usual, I just gave one fake ass smile, an apology and left the mofos to their yeye gossip, these are grown men o, closed the door and waited, still no sign of Mr R, so then I slipped the work underneath the classroom door, he better see it o because I am not doing it again, rubbbbiiissssh.

Arggh, attack of the librarian again, that woman needs to get laiiid and fast, she no dey get enough noookie so i guess that is why she takes out all her bitterness on us poor students. Imagine this stupid rule they only just introduced recently, college students are not allowed in the library during break and lunch, where are we supposed to do our work then? Senselessness. Though a few of us sly ones manage to sneak in when she isn't looking from time to time, we just run upstairs and if she does come up and tell us to get out, I tell her I am doing important work, I even show it to her, if she no wan hear, na so I don put earphones for my ear always making sure to blast the volume, or does she want to do the work for me? Tseeeeeeeeeeeeew! See me see wahala o!

JENIFA!

2008-10-13T13:32:00.000-07:00

Sorry o, just had to post about this film, Funke Akindele is a legend!!!!!!!!!!!

Ronke Odusanya, Iyabo Ojo, Ireti Osayemi Odunade Adekola, Eniola Badmus ati Tola Oladokun etc you all also did well o.

Twenty claps for all of you.

YEEEE!

Sorry, oussh oucch!

I gats to belong!

Abeg, go and watch the movie and you will know what I am talking about.

One funny yoruba film like that.

Of course you know this film is a naija film na, there must ALWAYS be a part two, still waiting sha, can't wait.

Would You Date A Cultist?

2008-10-13T05:03:00.000-07:00

Would you!? Imagine this scenario, you have been dating one particular guy for ages, you love him, he loves you, you adore him, he adores you and then one day, you find out that he is a member of one very well known dangerous and violent cult group/gang, will you dump him? Or allow 'love to prevail'? Me sha, I would dump his ass hard and then run as fast as my legs can carry me, I am not ready to be a target for rival cult groups, plus I have heard acid baths aren't too pleasant, I'm not saying it would be easy, not at all, but there is a difference between love and stupidity. If the guy loves me like he says, he will cancel his membership with that cult group, if he doesn't, well, love may hurt, but so does an axe to the head. Or how about this, you see one fine guy like that, he is everything you want in a man, he is making advances at you and he seems to like you a lot, the feeling is mutual, he is a member of one deadly cult group/gang, you are aware of this and you know how dangerous cultists can be, will you accept his advances or tell the guy to find road and waka for am well, as for me, I value my life o, so I don't think that I will accept his advances, no matter how heart melting and hot it is. I actually started thinking about this after reading one thread on nairaland relating to dating a cultist. Gone were the days when cults/gangs were just a 'fun fraternity' to mess around with the boys and/or girls you know, just have fun and get up to innocent mischeifs with friends etc, now we gats guns, rape and all sorts involved, see life o.

So tell me, would you?

I was talking to one friend of mine sha, he was telling me of a term cultists use, 'If you can't have it, destroy it', meeehn, my eyes rolled like a bowling pin, na by force the girl/guy should date you? I hate people like that, get me sooo annoyed, grrrrrr, no means no, you be God? I don't think so, see yeyesity.

No be only guys that are cultists sha, girls are also taking part.

Got this from an article online
Some of the most popular female secret cults are, Black braziers, Amazons, Jezebels, White pants, just to name a few. A prospective female cultist, according to Okwe (2002) must be a smoker of all brands of cigarettes, she must be able to consume all kinds of alcohol, she must be familiar with and, if possible, possess a pistol or an axe. She must also be rich, bold and have very “big” men friends. To guarantee her acceptance, she must pass the torture test. Being a lesbian is an added advantage. She must also cultivate the habit of wearing jeans

(Okwe 2002). She must possess a wardrobe of weird attires that can make heads turn whenever she passes by.
To the psychologically distressed, secret cults offer succour (Omotunde 1984). The succour is in form of love, affection and some degree of emotional security.
Students who are sought after by secret cults vary in social backgrounds. They might be children of professors, judges, politicians, senior police officers and so on. The status of their parents in society guarantees them some protection from the claws of law enforcement agents in the event that they get into trouble. Initiation naturally follows recruitment

Roflmao @ the lesbian part, is this a joke!?

The initiation process commences immediately after new recruits have been thoroughly screened. The first step in the initiation process is swearing an oath of allegiance and secrecy. As Thomas (2002) has observed, during an initiation ceremony, the eyes of the initiate are expected to be closed while some incantations are recited. New entrants are subjected to thorough beating as a means of toughening them and testing their endurance for pain.

On the initiation day, the new entrants are made to drink some concoctions mixed with blood (Thomas 2002). Sometimes they are given some tough assignments like raping a very popular female student or a female member of the university staff. For the female cultists, their initiation may include being forced to engage in some immoral activities. Brown (1999) has observed that, among the Jezebels and Amazons for example, new entrants may be made to undergo six rounds of rigorous intercourse in quick successions. They may also be made to fight with other girls or strong boys. They may also be subjected to thorough flogging. New entrants are expected to move around in groups of four or five as a means of protecting themselves against possible sexual harassment. During the initiation new members are taught to communicate with other members in coded language. Having been recruited and initiated, cult members are expected to engage in many activities, which form parts of the group norm.

Lord have mercy, so these are the people you want to date abi?

Otaku

2008-10-12T05:15:00.000-07:00

Me: Good morning Chief
Chief: (Dirty look) What is so good about the morning? (Hiss)
Chief: C'mon, get out of the way jor, nonsense

Buahahahaha, nigerians ehn.

What do you call it when you're totally hooked/obsessed with nollywood movies? Ever heard of anime/manga? You know, those japanese animation cartoons with the big eyes like naruto and death note, people who are obsessed with those call themselves 'anime otaku's' (I used to be one of them sha) but I do not want to use the word otaku, people just use the word to describe themsleves when they don't even know its true meaning.

Otaku:
Otaku is extremely negative in meaning as it is used to refer to someone who stays at home all the time and doesn't have a life (no social life, no love life, etc)

A Japanese word describing a person beyond the realm of fandom but into mania that is improperly used by American fans.

In Japan the word "otaku" has become taboo because of Miyazaki Tsutomu who went on a toddler murdering spree in the 80's, video taping the young girls he had murdered from an obsession with lolicon (female pedophilic manga).

Americans use this term to call themselves "fanboys" or "fangirls" with almost no knowledge of the horrific roots behind the word.

Otaku ko, portharcourt ni.

Random...

My sister's friend keeps playing pranks on my house phone, putting on weird accents and such, I actually thought it was one guy that I have been avoiding calling because the voice sounded so much like his, I nearly shit my pants because I was like 'how the fork did he get my landline, sheeeeet' then she started laughing and then I realised it was her, crase girl, abi she wan kill me?

Speaking of pranks, anybody love pranks? I do! Well, when I'm not the victim hehehehehe. There was this game we used to play when we were younger called 'knock down ginger' where you would knock on people's doors and then run, hehehehe and the classic phone pranks, meehhn I was a pro! This one is not really a prank but it's still fun, plus I still do it now, somebody will be standing, sitting doing warreva and then you throw something it their head and then when they look back, put on one verrrry innocent angelic face, bend down or you too also look the other way so as to make them think that it was not you, goooood tiimmmmmes, buahahahahahaha, no mind me jare, am still a kid na hehehehehe!

Football Is Soooo Booooooring

2008-10-11T10:33:00.000-07:00

Well I think so, honestly, a group of sweaty men kicking a ball around, oh how fun. I've tried and tried to like the sport but I just can't. Even today, I tried to sit down with my brother and watch a match but I wasn't fazed, the boy is crazy about it sha, when a goal was made you should have seen and heard the way he screamed, then my sister added one snide comment saying that the goalkeeper was probably paid to allow the ball enter the net, we both burst out laughing, like craaazzzzy laughing and then he got really annoyed and told us to 'SHUT UP!' and got all moody, hahahahaha, nawa for wa o, all because of some crusty ball, wonders they say shall never end. In my whole life, I've only known like 4 men to either not be crazy about the sport or just dislike it as a whole, the rest are obsessed. I dunno sha, I always like it when I know a boy is not too crazy about it, I just start smiling, not because I myself don't like the sport and want him to be like me, but just because I dooo, it's my face, it starts to light up.

You've all heard the term 'pot calling kettle black' abi, my sister don come up with her own term, it was so random, we were having one jokey heated talk and then she came up with 'Chicken calling turkey meat', I just stopped in my tracks and squinted my eyes, 'what!?' she was like 'yeaaaaah that's my new word now, yeah am the first to say it blah blah blah' I was like 'ohh please' that was so lame jor, she no dey serious at all! And the thing is, she will actually keep saying it, I know her well o, crase girl.

Talked to a veeerrrrryyyy good family friend of mine after such a long time, he came online yahoo which he does not usually do, actually miss him, last time I saw him was last year when I stayed at his house in Lagos, hmmmm, gooooood tiiiimmmeeees *stroking chin* the guy is so funny sha, you know those kind of sarcastic people, veerrryyy funny, reminds me of my sister. What did he say that got me cracking up actually?

Me: wo enu e
Him: BULLSHIT!!!
Me: lool
Him: if i start yoruba wit u, ull hate urself
Me: (Laughing)
Him: olori gbeske
Him: ara galatia
Me: kai big head abi
Me: oloshioussss
Me: elenu gbeske
Me: dan gida
Him: boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Me: hehehehehehe
Me: ******* (His first name, will not display it)
Me: ****** (His last name, will not display it)
Him: ibukuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun
Him: ******(My last name, will not display it)
Me: you know my surname? (Shocked face)
Him: ?
Me: (Big teeth grin)
Him: wat do u think, av known u since u were small
Him: doh i dint put ur middle name sry
Me: u dont kno my middle name
Him: of course i do
Him: JACKASS
Me: nah silly, i didn't ask for urs, i asked for mine (Smiley Face)
Him: u must v 4gotn it was during a family meeting u wer given dat name
Me: nah, ur memory is a bit fuzzy, that was you remember
Me: i was chilling in the kitchen eating ma foooooooood
Him: come on u cant tell me ur dat brain dead?

See hin mouth!!! Hisss!

Sisters and I mucking around, the clip is actually meant to be 3:09 minutes but imeem cut it down to 0:37 seconds so you can't hear our song *sad*, dunno why

2008-10-11T02:52:00.000-07:00

Early morning park 'ing', as in I took my brother to the park so that he could play tennis with himself, at like 9.00 am, but now he has gone for football. I love going to the park in the morning, there is nobody there so you can act as looney as you like, I like dancing in this particular spot because when the sun is out, you can see your shadow, I love seeing my shadow when i'm dancing. Swings were soaking wet from the rain but I did not care, I just sat on the water and soaked it up with my yansh and sang so loud, i love hearing the echos, ahhhhhhh.

I have been singing one igbo song since yesterday, Mmiri maba mo it is called, first saw it whilst watching one igbo dance competition, sweet song, even though I don't know what the hell I'm saying, I just say whatever sounds like the igbo, sweeeeeeeet.

Sound is a bit fuzzy sha.

One of my favourite songs, 'Daga Albashi' by Kannywood stars 'Zainab Idris and 'Sani Danja', I could dance to this for like a whole year.

Statutory Rape In School

2008-10-10T06:53:00.001-07:00

Ok ok ok, now I know exactly what happened! If you have no idea of what I am on about, read my earlier post, the 'school gist' part. Ok, there are these two gay boys in the boys college, we will call them G and A, ok, a couple of years ago, both G and A were caught giving each other blow jobs in the school toilets, na real wa for wa o, I don't know exactly what had happened to them but I'm sure they got into a lot of trouble, duh.

They were not kicked out of the school suprisingly, I guess it because the school would probably have been labelled 'homophobic' and all that nonsense, you know how businesses can be about their reputation etc, anyways sha, since then, apparently the boys have constantly been bullied about their sexuality.

So anyways sha, some days ago, G was bullied into perfoming oral sex on A again by some older boys, they were giving the threat that if they did not perform, they would be beaten. Did I hear you say beaten? If that was me, I would have gladly received the beatings, niiiiiicccceeeelllyyyy, would have even provided for them the cane, kai. The guys chose to suck each other off, too bad the bullies videod it and you know the power of bluetooth o, It can be be your best friend and also your worst enemy, people sending the video to each other's phones, I actually saw the video yesterday and I was shocked, the poor guys looked like they were being tortured.

Some girls in my year reported the video to the head of year and so now the teacher's know about it, well most of them and I am sure by now they would have already reported the video to the boys' school, I know police are involved sha because that is basically rape if you look at it well, some youths of today sha, utter madness.

Moving on...

Hmmm, today also, a friend of mine almost got arrested, she is soo lucky though two of her friends were arrested. Her friends were carrying cannabis she told me, a class C drug and they were arrested after being searched by policemen, she was also carrying one drug which I cannot remember the name of but I remember her telling me her own was class A, you know how girls are often let off more easily than boys when it comes to things like this, her own stash was in her purse and she used style to take the stash and hide it beside one bench when the policemen were busy searching the boys, they did not body search her as they did the boys, but they searched her bag but luckily, she had removed it, this is during school o, imagine senselessness.

2008-10-09T05:23:00.000-07:00

One friend of mine was getting all hot and excited over one particular video, take you down by Chris Brown, we'll call her J, she was like oh 'CB, you need to watch this, it's soo good, ahhhh you are gonna wet your pants', I was like, actually I didn't say anything I just carried on chewing my sandwich and gave her one dutty 'see your life' look, anyways sha, we are watching we are watching, the crase girl is fanning herself chanting 'look at their bodies','look at the hip movements blah blah blah'(no, it isn't porn) and jumping up and down like a kangaroo, still watching the video, I am not moved at all, hmm, maybe it is just my mind sha, what of my bory, so i check myself 'down there', I'm like 'nope J, I'm still dry, you were wrong', she's like 'ahhh shorrop dia' and that I am only pretending not to like the video so that I can prove her wrong and make her look stupid, what ever do you mean J? Nice song though.

Too bad I can't post the video here, can't find any that don't have the settings of the embedment of the video link being disabled.

SCHOOL GIST O!

You know there is a boy's version of my school, just heard that apparently, one boy in the year below forced another boy to perfom oral sex on him in the school toilets, apparently the guy has done something like this before and he got into trouble, it is well known that he is gay, I know he is suspended or something like that but police are also involved sha, gist is travelling around both schools, see life o.

A sudden assembly for all sixthformers has just been called o, we shall see wetin they wan tell us, I'm sure it's about te boy.

Ill write more when I get more info and in detail, you know how chinese whispers can be so maybe I did not get everything right, ciao!

Can't Think Of A Title

2008-10-09T01:53:00.000-07:00

Kai, I was late AGAIN! What is this? These past two weeks have been different o because I rarely ever used to be late, but day upon day, same ting same ting. My sister sha, she will see when we both meet tonight, she got up in the morning, did not even bother to wake me up, dressed herself well and then left, I know I know it is my responsibiliy to set my alarm blah blah blah but she could have atleast woken me up, I always wake her up whenever I am up before her, na her sabi jor.

Omg, am I prone to accidents or what, I keep slipping, or is it the shoes I wear? Just now whilst walking up the library stairs, one matrix move took over my body like that, meehhn I just had to compose myself and thank God almighty that I did not land on my face, it is well o.

I saw one girl a few days ago, I don't actually know her personally but I used to see her at my bus stop everymorning before going to school, one of them ones, like I know her, but I don't actually know her, anyway sha, girl has grown o, well, we all have, she must have been with one bobo of hers and then she looked in my direction and started doing this big teethy smile, I was just staring at her, like for say 10 whole seconds when I realised she was actually smiling at me, I was like 'Oh!' (In my head of course) then I did the whole teeth smile thing back, I hope sey she no think I was giving dirty look o because I did not know it was me she was smiling at so at first I was giving her one 'what are you doing with your face' look, I have these face expression reflexes that sometimes I don't even realise I am doing, did not know she 'knew me like that', long time but it was nice seeing her again.

I don't know why, I have this massive craving for pie at the moment, anybody want to help me out? I will give you biiiiiiiiigggg sexy kisses that will make your head do kya kya kya kya! I really regret not eating a lot on monday at the chinese restaurant, I knew I would, it was ALL YOU CAN EAT for goodness sake and I only ate like 2 plates, I was hoping to fit atleast 10 plates into my stomach and the food was nice o. A friend who was actually part of the group who went and I were actually 'reminiscing' yesterday in class about our time in the restaurant with the food, when we should have been chopping our textbooks, tongue's sticking out and salivating like dogs whilst looking into the sky and smiling like people who don crase, you know, that kind of hungry look, you would have thought that our tongue's have never even come across a crumb of bread before, don't mind us jare, madam longthroats, eventually we snapped back into reality, oga lecturer was like 'Ok, get ready for your test now', if you see the way my eyes rolled.

2008-10-08T02:00:00.000-07:00

I hate getting on the tram in the morning, but sometimes I just have to. I hate it because there are so many people and you get squashed, like a bug, plenty pushing plenty budging. Like, you can’t even move your hand, that’s how bad it is, even your head sha, so close to somebody else’s own. I know some people take advantage of such positions, it’s digusting.

Today, one particular guy behind me, I really don’t know what he was playing at, fair enough there was nothing he could do about being squashed against me, but he kept moving in a sort of irritating rythym whenever the tram was moving and he was pushing me harder against the doors with the weight of his whole body, whenever i turned my head to give him a sort of ‘what the hell are you doing’ look he’d be staring and licking his lips. I did not want to shout, I’d be really embarrassed, gosh. I was like, you know what, fork this, I'm walking, so I got off at an earlier stop, too bad for me I was late and there were teachers standing at the front gate of the school with the late book, 'late sixthformers sign in here please', I was like 'urrrgghh!', but then I just wrote in a fake name and class, suckers.

Bi A Lagbara Dze O Ni Iya, Ki Ofi Erin Si I

2008-10-07T01:29:00.000-07:00

I've been asked a few times by some nairalanders, don't I get angry? Of course I get angry jare, I no be human? I'll just be like, wo enu e(see your mouth), it's just that anger is not always meant to be displayed, especially to somebody that you will probably never meet in your whole entire life, one random person on a public forum you met online, I mean c'mon, find a bridge and get over it, try to ignore them, actually scrap that, don't try, just do it. No problem disagreeing with people and trying to understand each other, people cannot always share the same opinion, whether it be in an debate or whatever, actually, debates are sometimes very fun, but arguments are never necessary, especially when insults are passed, I hate uneccesary insults, I really do, as in, 'your face is this', 'you are stupid' or whatever crap they wish to cook up for you, abi, sho fe jeun? (do you want to eat?) Jokes are not a problem, but you can always tell when somebody is being serious. You just have to pretend as if you do not hear them, or maybe act as if they don blow another language for your face you no sabi and apologize, or even better, thank them for the insult and wish them a nice day, don't forget to smile with all your teeth, like deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees.

Hehehehehehe.

"Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit." - (Proverbs 26:4-5)

2008-10-07T00:55:00.000-07:00

So I am in school earlier than usual, you see sixthformers are meant to come in at around 10.30 on a tuesday, just that yesterday night after my belle don full from all the chopping, I call it longthroat syndrome, my bory no fit do anyting at all, no homework no nothing, hopefully now I will catch up on some assignments DUE IN TODAY, KAI, laziness is not a good thing o. As usual, the morning is drizzly, rainy warreva you wan call it, I was like naah, can't get my hair wet so got one umbrella ella ella eh eh eh (lol sorry, couldn't help myself) from my house, my sister actually got it for me, one butterz crustificated umbrella that looked like it had been battered from war, the bullets of rain and hailstone had surely dealt with it critically, RIP jare.

Too bad that my sister had already grabbed the fresh one for herself and the third one was nowhere to be found. One thing I don't get about her sha, is that she never wears her jacket, maybe she thinks she dey for Lekki beach or someting because I just cannot comprehend...I don't know which boy she is trying to impress sha, even when she is going to school, all sorts of jewelry and hardware will be hanging from her body, abi d'banj be her maths teacher? I was not like that when I was her age, or was I? I guess it is just a faze.

Bought my first whole packet of gum in like ages, what an accomplishment abi, abeg fimisile jor, I have been trying to cut down on gum because apparently according to my parents, I chew like a cow, which one be dat na? One time actually, we were in one clothes shop, NEXT, the store music was blasting from the the stereo, my parents were on the other side of the store to me and the store is BIG, my dad ehn, he said that he could hear me chewing from the other side even over the music, nawa for wa o, exageration much? The packet of gum I bought sha, it is one that could last one person maybe a week or more sha, emi? I no fit keep am for even 2 hours, i must have atleast two in a row, if not more, it's a habit I need to crack and the cracking must be done with a huge axe, a shiny one please.

Hmm, one question, do you think I say 'sha' too much?

2008-10-06T10:40:00.000-07:00

One good friend of mine's birthday today, a shout out to her. So as she was distributing out cake to her friends, her real friends, funny how suddenly people remember your name suddenly when there is something to chop. Anyways sha, there is this one girl in particular, I'll call her O, O as in O for Ojukokoro, as in you must always have whatever one person is having, you are never satisfied with your own thing, your eyes just dey do boing boing boing when it don land for another person's property. Soo, my friend, we'll call her B, was distributing cake to her friends, I don't know if O has some kind of laser eye where she always knows where there is food because suddenly, out of nowhere, the girl just appeared.

As soon as a few people saw her, we began to nudge each other and laugh to ourselves, O don land o, she then went and sat on one girl's lap near the cake, kai, abeg, who invited you jare because if it was her own cake, nobody go touch let alone smell a crumb of the cake. Well, I guess she realised that she wasn't getting norring because she she don commot for di place, sorry ehn hehehehe. I guess nobody has told her of her behaviour, it is not very good because people will get fed up with you, everytime they wan eat a meal or someting, they will need to make sure that the coast is clear so that they can eat their meal in peace and the thing is, her tactic is to come and sit on your lap or something, 'oooh hi babe, you aliright?' roflmao.

One of my friends sha, as soon as she unwrapped her sandwich, guess who landed for her side, you know the rest. Not even just food, clothes, discs, books you name it, I'm actually still waiting for her to return a pair of my shoes, a book and a nokia charger, maybe I am dreaming, return ke.

So I went to one Chinese restaurant after school today with some friends to celebrate B's birthday, we were all boasting of how we would rummage through at least 10 plates, when it was time to show wats we gats, i no dey even fit finish 2 plates let alone 10, see my mouth. Plus, it was an all you can eat buffet so we were not aloud to bring our own drinks, nah mate, they were selling a can of coke which is usually like 50p for like 1 pound, ole! So we 'smuggled' our own drinks into the restaurant and sipped underneath the table like criminals. So we don chop ati laff our heads off like parrots, somebory kept stealing food from di plates, abeg so you no dey see buffet for that side!? Hahahahaha, imagine.

2008-10-06T03:21:00.001-07:00

Am so happy! I got the highest mark on one of my class assesments, part of my grade for the whole term! I was not there last week to collect my results because I was away on a class trip. A special thanks to Mayowa or as I like to call him ‘Mayox’ for helping me that night, loff you.

2008-10-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

Been reading a few people's blogs, interesting. I was thinking, maybe I should start writing my own story's, could be on anything and I'll post them here, I used to write a few of my own stories for one fanfiction site but that was ages ago and there is not even any written evidence to show of my past stories, too bad. Knowing myself, I'd probably write about things like relationships, sex blah blah blah all that teenage girly things, it's the way my mind works at the moment, no be my fault jare.

Hmm, I don't think I have blogged about this yet. One time in school, I went to the toilet in the dining hall. I did not know that the cubicle I had chosen to enter had a broken handle, low and behold I was locked in, shit. Some minutes later two 'friends' of mine entered the toilet and saw the situation I was in, you'd think they would help but all they did was burst out laughing and refuse to open the cubicle for me, you couldn't open it from the inside but could from the outside, damn. Too be honest, I would have done the same thing, hehehe.

One of them had actually found themselves in this situation the day before and had to climb over to the next cubicle, I was like, no damn way, plus I was wearing heels. They left and said that they would come back in fifteen minutes to see whether I had let myself free, moraafuckers! They came back fifteen minutes later but I was still there, kai, I no wan climb na, I be spiderman? Plus it was not as easy it sounds, I don't know how Jennifer don manage to climb the ting sha. After laughing at me yet again, they left yet AGAIN and said that they would be back. Shame that this was happening during our free period and majority of people were in classes so it was not like a random person could just come and help me out.

Eventually I had an idea, aha! I was standing on the sanitary pad bin, eww, I know, but the outisde was clean, abeg! Anyway sha, took off my shoe and threw it down on the outside, yes! It hit the handle! God is good! I'm freee! Buhahahahaha! I was there for like 40 minutes, imagine, when they saw me, the look on their faces ehn, oloshiousssssssss.

Omo Aya Mi Nja

2008-10-05T10:30:00.000-07:00

Had this particular song on my phone for a while but never actually listened to it, was stored under the 'Unknown' title so I guess I never paid much attention to it. Was bored so I was just browsing through my phone and then came across one title, 'Idi Nla' and I was like, wetin be this. Anyways sha, started listening to it and loff it, loff the use of yoruba in it, the rappers/singers sound sexy too lol

Love Poem To A Hot Dog

2008-10-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

Oh thou frankfurt between a bun,
Why dost thou cause me so much fun?
I love thee for breakfast for lunch and for tea
I love thee in between times, constantly.
Tho' thy quality varies from New York to Rome,
Thou art there late at night for me to take home.
Thy savs are as red as my true love's lips
Thou art a sexual experience, without any hips.
Why don't they serve thee for holy communion,
A bite of the hot god for ecstatic union?
I eat thee for sustenance courage and thrills,
With or without mustard sauce or frills,
And my rampant appetite thou always appeaseth,
With or without mustard sauce or cheeseeth,
And a seven course dinner I never lack -
A hot dog and the old six pack.
Tho' thy tendency is to leap from the bun,
The butter to melt and the sauce to run,
My mouth is there to catch as catch can,
I bite thee off and man oh man,
When thou art gone I feel satisfied,
I love thee so much I get very tongue tied!
As the Buddhist monk said when he bought one to sing -
"Make me one.....with everything!"

Who Wants To Be A Millionnaire

2008-10-04T10:26:00.001-07:00

One Night After Watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

A man and his wife went to bed and the man was getting very frisky. He asked his wife if she was in the mood.

His wife answered, "Not tonight dear, I have a headache."

The man replied, "Is that your final answer?"

She said "Yes.""

OK, then I'd like to phone a friend." he replied.

After School Outing

2008-10-03T11:16:00.000-07:00

Ahh, went shopping today after school with a friend for some 'shmexy' lingerie, coudn't really find anything I liked which is a suprise, though my friend ended up with a few panties and bras. I dunno sha, I was just critisizing the designs, there was one I came across and I was like 'this is something my grandma would wear', I said it a bit loudly and did not notice these two women actually looking at it about to buy it, oops, thank God all they did was laugh, my friend was like 'see your mouth', kai i just turned my head.

Random...

One vegetarian friend was telling me what she eats and what she does not eat(meat, duh), she does not even eat fish sha, I was like, more grease to your elbows, she decided to become a vegeterian after she watched one gruesome video of a pig being slaughtered. I don't think I could do that sha, I mean, even after watching a video I would probably start my usual ramblings about how I will never eat let alone touch meat again, the next day, you will see me slamdunking a Big Mac burger into my mouth like I was Kobe Bryant. She said that she has only ever eaten meat once throughout the year and that it was even an accident. I was like, accident ke, she then told he how one 'bastard'(No be me who don refer to him as such o, this was the exact word she used) had a packet of crisps containing traces of meat, but instead of the usual brown coloured packet pork crips tend to have, the cover was pink so she thought the flavor was prawn cocktail, he turned the packet the other way round in order for her not to see the flavor labelled on the crisp and offered her some, she obliged(madame longthroat)and was like 'hmm, these taste kind of funnt, are they expired?', he was like 'naaah, they're pork flavor', 'pork kini?' SPPPIIITTT!!!!!!!! Spit wetin? After you don swallow erryting whooole like a whale. Too late jare.

Pissed.

2008-10-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

I kept mixing the words 'Panini'(A type of sandwhich) and 'Punani'(Vagina) togerra today, but they sound so similar, no be my fault o. One friend was like 'I've never tasted a Panini before', I was like 'You've never tasted Punani!?' *Shocked expression* She was like 'Panini not Punani!', I was like 'Oh Yeah!' hehehehe.

Went to court today, school trip I think I've mentioned in one of my earlier posts. Watched a few murder trials, first one was a bit stale and the witness couldn't even speak english properly, though he had a translator, I fell asleep and I didn't care who saw me, too tired to care, just hope say my mouth was not left open like wha! One other court case involved one teenage boy and a shooting, interesting at first but then it was taking too long, so I fell asleep, again.